Women who have done or do online dating, please help. (attractive, couple)

[Sprawling_Homeowner]

I recently signed up and met a very attractive prospect. Her profile was extremely bubbly, and she was very gung-ho, happy, and is just teeming with joy, optimism, and life.

Oh, and she's really cute too. She's got a nice face, but her face and smile practically scream "I'm cute AND I'm nice."

So we started messaging each other, and one of her first questions was, "so, Sprawling. What exactly about my profile caught your attention to the point you decided to reach out to me?"

I wrote her an email saying that it was three reasons...

- her extremely bubbly and happy attitude
- similar activities for fun
- pictures.

Now on the pictures, I told her I thought she was attractive, but it wasn't just *that.* I specified that she looked extremely sweet and warm, and that this contrasted with folks who may have good looks but who look cold, mean, arrogant, etc.

If you were the woman in question, what conclusion would you draw of the man on the other side?

EDIT: I didn't send her a bullet-point answer. Those 3 points were the answer, yes, but I explained each w/ some detail. And she hasn't answered yet.... it's been 2 days.

[aqua0]

It's interesting that she did not ask any questions about you. I did online dating in the past and I always asked questions when I was interested in the man.

Perhaps it's just her way of flirting, I'm not sure. But I wasn't into wasting time and really just wanted to find out asap or move on...

Your reply was good. Nothing wrong with it. But her failure to show interest via questions about you (which is the only way anyone would know someone is interested, because you can't see each other face to face and get body language) is more of sign to let her go.

If you hear from her in a few days, chalk it up to her being hospitalized with no internet access, or that she was busy chatting with men she was really into.

Hope I haven't burst any bubbles. Just my prudent observation.

[TheImportersWife]

Would you have written to her if she didn't have any photos posted?

[OngletNYC]

You were good enough on that particular day for her to answer you, but not so good she could be bothered to write you an original response. "What did you like about my profile" is as generic as it gets, and she probably sends it every guy who gets past her initial screening. She's probably moved along and forgotten you by now, and is busy talking online to some other guy.

[ChessieMom]

I think your reply was good. Not a thing there to turn anyone off. But you have to realize that until you actually MEET someone, people can be talking to (and meeting) several others. Until you meet someone, you're no more than the period at the end of an email.

Don't get caught up in the "what did I do wrong they didn't email back". We've ascertained that your reply was good. So if she is otherwise occupied, there is nothing to be done about that. Move along to the next one.

[MMichelle]

I think there should be very few emails back & forth. The point is to meet people, not to have a pen pal. Don't get too focused on the contents of the email. Email is a good way to send data and information but it's a poor form of dialog. Ask to meet for coffee ....& take it from there.

[ChessieMom]

Originally Posted by MMichelle

I think there should be very few emails back & forth. The point is to meet people, not to have a pen pal. Don't get too focused on the contents of the email. Email is a good way to send data and information but it's a poor form of dialog. Ask to meet for coffee ....& take it from there.

Yes the point IS to meet. But I never agree to meet anyone until I know enough to make me feel that there is something there. And that takes several emails, and several phone conversations as well.

[MMichelle]

ChessieMom, that's fine if that's your style. However, I find that if the profile doesn't give you enough info to know if you'd like to meet for coffee... better pass. I have found that meeting for a cup of coffee takes about an hour - there's no committment, it's just an hour & coffee. I have met for coffee with gents that I found far more interesting than their emails are. Additionally, I found that the more people you meet face to face the more comfortable you become with the process. The result is that you more at ease and it's easier to assess the gentleman, what he is saying and enjoy the conversation. Even if after coffee there's no interest you may have enjoyed the exchange. Then again, I enjoy meeting people --- I find it fun.

[ChessieMom]

Originally Posted by MMichelle

ChessieMom, that's fine if that's your style. However, I find that if the profile doesn't give you enough info to know if you'd like to meet for coffee... better pass. I have found that meeting for a cup of coffee takes about an hour - there's no committment, it's just an hour & coffee. I have met for coffee with gents that I found far more interesting than their emails are. Additionally, I found that the more people you meet face to face the more comfortable you become with the process. The result is that you more at ease and it's easier to assess the gentleman, what he is saying and enjoy the conversation. Even if after coffee there's no interest you may have enjoyed the exchange. Then again, I enjoy meeting people --- I find it fun.

I've never gotten enough information from a profile to determine that I would want to meet them. Not ever. I think you enjoy living on the edge much more than I.

[Raena77]

Honestly you did the right thing. Talk to her for awhile on the email, text, then cell phone, then date. After a couple of phone calls and dates it is more comfortable if you click together.