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My mother is over 50, the guy is 24, his mother is younger than mine. It bothers me that this may have been going on when I was younger and this guy was under 18. To add to this mess, he has tried to flirt with me while dating her. I don't feel comfortable around either of them. Since when is a guy trying to date both generations normal
Now you've clarified some points it casts a whole different light on your original post and you might start getting some relevant feedback. Many assumptions were made because you gave so little information.
Have you sat down and talked with your mother in a non-combative way about how this situation affects you and how you feel her friend is also flirting with you?
Now you've clarified some points it casts a whole different light on your original post and you might start getting some relevant feedback. Many assumptions were made because you gave so little information.
Have you sat down and talked with your mother in a non-combative way about how this situation affects you and how you feel her friend is also flirting with you?
I've told her many times what has been going on, it's gotten to the point that I feel as if she's no longer my family and has become a stranger since this guy has been around. It's starting to seem as if she no longer values me as her daughter. I've been told that with how it looks now, it's best for me to pack up and drop contact. I wonder now how long it will be before my mother cuts ties with me to be with this guy. He already lies to her constantly after I told her that he uses girls for money and anything else. She nearly got rid of him after he tries to force her to sell everything and move away while he is dating 3 other girls. But he's back, and I'm more conserned now. I don't feel safe near this guy, never did. My fear is, with an unpredictable guy who abuses women and has very bad anger issues, is my mother safe? Am I even safe?
This has nothing to do with your original question ?
Your original question, and the thread title refers to how you should deal with your concerns about the age gap.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedmassperson
The problem is, they're not married, the guy dates many girls at a time, and the woman is my own mother. The guy has a awful temper and abused a ex...I don't want to see my mother abused. Now anyone who sees abusive men as ok should not reply. I don't trust the situation with this guy and my mother doesn't realize the risk.
You can't get the right answers if you don't ask the right question.
Maybe you should have asked "My mom is dating an older guy who could be abusive, how should I deal with it ?"
Never mind.
My advice is still the same, there is not much you can do about it, I'm afraid.
All you can do is be there for your mother and keep an eye out for her.
If you're right, and the guy is an abuser, then trust me, this guy will already have the framework in place to engineer a situation where she will cut you off.
There is no point in you going and telling her what a bad guy he is, because it won't work. if you are correct, he is already laying it on thick with the "poor me, nobody likes me" routine.
I suggest you do a google search, and you'll find there is a wealth of information out there which you can use to find a way to deal with the situation.
Maybe your mother is in it for the sex and has no dreams of this turning into a serious relationship. At the end of the day, she is an adult who can do as she pleases.
Maybe your mother is in it for the sex and has no dreams of this turning into a serious relationship. At the end of the day, she is an adult who can do as she pleases.
Women going through menopause often do some very strange things! At least she had the good sense not to "sell everything and move away". It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship and I can understand your concerns but it's something she's going to have to deal with and there's really not too much you can do about it except keep your distance when he's around.
If you're still living at home it might be time to move out if you can afford to do so. I can only begin to understand the discomfort factor of living under your mother's roof when she's in a sexual relationship with someone close to your own age and I'm sorry that your mother seems not to have the good sense to realize that this is an uncomfortable situation for you. I would feel exactly the same way if the gender roles were reversed, makes no difference.
Don't take this the wrong way but I really do think that you've probably approached your mother on this subject from a bit of a combative stance which is why I asked if you had sat down with her non-combatively to seriously discuss the issue.
If you can afford to move out, then discuss it with your mother first and don't go to the extreme of completely shutting her out of your life. Find a simple place within your means so you can distance yourself and yet still see your Mom and spend time with her - and "keep an eye out" for her.
If this young man really is the player he appears to be then your mother is in for a brutal let-down once the novelty wears off. I don't know what sort of community you live in but no doubt she's already being talked about behind her back as being quite a fool and ultimately recovering from that is going to be tough on her. If this other young man's "girlfriends" are aware of his relationship with her then it's a double whammy. I feel sorry for you both.
If there's no way you can move out right now then all I can suggest is that you (as much as it will pain you) take the high road, treat your mother AND the BF with due respect and don't walk around scowling and showing your distaste for him. If he does ANYTHING or says ANYTHING of a flirtatious nature, just quietly tell him that he's being inappropriate and walk away. If he continues, then come back here and I'm sure many of posters will have suggestions where the next step is concerned...
You should put female in your profile then because you have a male icon right now. I thought you were a man too. With the new information, I do feel bad for you. The best advice I can give is to try to talk some sense into your mother. I went through the same situation with my mother. Finally, I moved in with her and made it so uncomfortable for him that he left her.
My mother is over 50, the guy is 24, his mother is younger than mine. It bothers me that this may have been going on when I was younger and this guy was under 18. To add to this mess, he has tried to flirt with me while dating her. I don't feel comfortable around either of them. Since when is a guy trying to date both generations normal
He sounds like a pig. It has nothing to do with age. If you want to speak to your mother about dumping this guy, don't bother with the age "issue" - that is not the issue. The issue is that the guy is an idiot.
OKay, just reread this part:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedmassperson
I've told her many times what has been going on, it's gotten to the point that I feel as if she's no longer my family and has become a stranger since this guy has been around. . . He already lies to her constantly after I told her that he uses girls for money and anything else. She nearly got rid of him after he tries to force her to sell everything and move away while he is dating 3 other girls. But he's back, and I'm more conserned now. . . .
Sounds like she knows what he is about, and for whatever reason, is staying put. You can't help her because she doesn't want to be helped - your best bet at this point is to check out of the situation and get on with your own life.
I agree it is strange.....however its' up to them to decide........maybe it'll just fizzle.
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