Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I know I know action speaks louder than words, but why the words? I'm just curious? He just got out of a 5 year relationship me just out of a 17 year. He is younger and I never would have gone there but he really pursued. I made it clear I wasn't looking for anything serious I don't have time... 2 kids, a full time job and I'm in the middle of a nasty divorce, but......I didn't expect to be dropped. I was warned by a friend he wasn't looking for anything serious so I thought we were on the same page. I am attractive I know this because I have been asked out more lately than 17 years ago when I was single. I look a lot younger than I am, I am in good shape give or take 10 lbs. He is really good looking and can get any girl he wants, why me? I know there is no one else, he has been just living life so to speak playing sports and going out with friends.
So why would he say things to me like future talk? Was he that intent on getting some from me.......needless to say I am not that experienced so maybe it was a disappointment to him.
Any thoughts.......I really could use advise before I end up making the same mistake twice......Also he is the only guy I have gone out with since I left my husband 15 months ago.
Welcome to the world of dating. It's changed a bit since you were last in it. It's full of swingers, players, manwh*res, liars and every so often, you may run into a good man. So with that, I suggest you take a breather and grow some thick skin. If you aren't ready for a relationship then mean what you say. It sounds like you were a little caught up and once he vanished, you were hurt.
Decide what you want out of dating...FWB, LTR or marriage and proceed accordingly. Don't let your feelings and heart get caught up in the crazy drama of dating or else that youthful look of yours will slowly fade away.
Good luck! Oh yeah, please don't buy in the "cougar" fad....you're above that crap!
I know I know action speaks louder than words, but why the words? I'm just curious? He just got out of a 5 year relationship me just out of a 17 year. He is younger and I never would have gone there but he really pursued. I made it clear I wasn't looking for anything serious I don't have time... 2 kids, a full time job and I'm in the middle of a nasty divorce, but......I didn't expect to be dropped. I was warned by a friend he wasn't looking for anything serious so I thought we were on the same page. I am attractive I know this because I have been asked out more lately than 17 years ago when I was single. I look a lot younger than I am, I am in good shape give or take 10 lbs. He is really good looking and can get any girl he wants, why me? I know there is no one else, he has been just living life so to speak playing sports and going out with friends.
So why would he say things to me like future talk? Was he that intent on getting some from me.......needless to say I am not that experienced so maybe it was a disappointment to him.
Any thoughts.......I really could use advise before I end up making the same mistake twice......Also he is the only guy I have gone out with since I left my husband 15 months ago.
In his defense. . . . you don't state whether he has kids but do sound as though you both have drastically different interests. An attractive, young looking woman will always get some attention but the stuff you likely take for granted -- the time/energy devoted to two kids, can be a shock to a single guy. At first it may seem cool but it doesn't take too long for a guy to see he'll always be the second interest (to any devoted mother.) It's something he's not used to and enough to chase any guy away; even one who didn't go into the relationship as a player.
Nothing wrong with dating and enjoying yourself but hooking up with a guy never experiencing children of his own for any long-term dating will be especially challenging. And it really sounds more like you both went into this with similar goals and now you're feeling a bit surprised (hurt?) at him losing interest. don't take it personally. Good luck!
Thanks for the insight.......I'm definately not ready for a full on relationship, but cuddling on the couch with someone that I am attracted to mentally and physically........just seemed nice so I jumped in. Although he's 10 yrs younger I did find myself liking him and hoping we could date and see where it goes type of thing, that's all. Call it what you like but I thought I was being honest with myself and him and I expected the same. I just left an abusive marriage and I was very broken still kind of am so the attention felt good. As for cougar, whatever floats your boat, just not me. I will take your advise and take a breather. I did get caught up obviously so I need to be more grounded before I date the next guy
Constructive critizism well taken..........truly did not set out to be a "cougar" my kids are far to important to me to get a reputation............guess I will go back into my cave, safer there ......I get the "on my terms" but he implied he wanted the same........so I will assume that he got what he wanted and moved on........doesn't matter what he said his actions spoke for him. Thanks for putting me in my place
Wait, we aren't done yet.
You said he was good looking and could get any woman he wanted, so "why me". Here, let's continue your cougar education. Men crave variety. All men. Get used to it and tatoo it on your forehead so you don't forget. That means he wants to bang as many women as he can, and you qualify hands down as a "woman". Congratulations.
You will be pursued by many young guys without kids as long as you remain attractive. No they aren't gonna marry you, and no they aren't really all that excited about raising your kids with you.
One day your looks expire like an old jar of mayonaise on the shelf, and then those young guys move on to the next 41 yr old cougar. Make sense? Cycle of life. <cue disney song from lion king>
You said he was good looking and could get any woman he wanted, so "why me". Here, let's continue your cougar education. Men crave variety. All men. Get used to it and tatoo it on your forehead so you don't forget. That means he wants to bang as many women as he can, and you qualify hands down as a "woman". Congratulations.
You will be pursued by many young guys without kids as long as you remain attractive. No they aren't gonna marry you, and no they aren't really all that excited about raising your kids with you.
One day your looks expire like an old jar of mayonaise on the shelf, and then those young guys move on to the next 41 yr old cougar. Make sense? Cycle of life. <cue song from jungle book>
Ok I am older than 41 BTW............and my looks may expire like an old jar of mayo but what does that matter? He just left a 5 year relationship and I am POSITIVE he wasn't a cheater. That being said why would I assume he wanted to "bang" me for the shear fact I am a woman? I do have a brain, I was married/with the same man for 17 years so I have been out of the dating loop. Just came here for insight........
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,003,071 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by Etain2
I know I know action speaks louder than words, but why the words? I'm just curious? He just got out of a 5 year relationship me just out of a 17 year. He is younger and I never would have gone there but he really pursued. I made it clear I wasn't looking for anything serious I don't have time... 2 kids, a full time job and I'm in the middle of a nasty divorce, but......I didn't expect to be dropped. I was warned by a friend he wasn't looking for anything serious so I thought we were on the same page. I am attractive I know this because I have been asked out more lately than 17 years ago when I was single. I look a lot younger than I am, I am in good shape give or take 10 lbs. He is really good looking and can get any girl he wants, why me? I know there is no one else, he has been just living life so to speak playing sports and going out with friends. So why would he say things to me like future talk? Was he that intent on getting some from me.......needless to say I am not that experienced so maybe it was a disappointment to him.
Any thoughts.......I really could use advise before I end up making the same mistake twice......Also he is the only guy I have gone out with since I left my husband 15 months ago.
If it's true, you weren't looking for anything serious, why would you care that his 'future talk' was just that, talk? If it were me--I didn't want anything serious--I'd be glad he was gone. Are you sure you didn't want something more?
Wow a lot to think about. I thought you dated to see if you liked a person past the intitial attraction. I like him, maybe I moved faster than I was emotionally equipped to handle. Thinking it over I would have like to continue dating him and see where it went. So maybe I wasn't as honest with myself as I thought.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It's changed a bit since you were last in it. It's full of swingers, players, manwh*res, liars and every so often, you may run into a good man. So with that, I suggest you take a breather and grow some thick skin. If you aren't ready for a relationship then mean what you say. It sounds like you were a little caught up and once he vanished, you were hurt. 
Oh yeah, please don't buy in the "cougar" fad....you're above that crap! 
If it were me--I didn't want anything serious--I'd be glad he was gone. Are you sure you didn't want something more? 
