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Old 04-23-2010, 08:08 AM
 
Location: Toledo
3,862 posts, read 8,050,937 times
Reputation: 3715

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Quote:
Originally Posted by aqua0 View Post
I remember when I once was online dating, and a guy said this to me:

"My 3 year old daughter is the number ONE woman in my life. So, where would you like to meet?"

There was no way I could ever compete with her, so I declined. To be a stepparent is a thankless task. It is not for everyone!

Well that's a real good way to weed out people. I don't blame you. I wouldn't want to be a part of that relationship either.
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Old 04-23-2010, 08:10 AM
 
Location: NYC area
3,486 posts, read 5,398,332 times
Reputation: 3865
Quote:
Originally Posted by aqua0 View Post
I remember when I once was online dating, and a guy said this to me:

"My 3 year old daughter is the number ONE woman in my life. So, where would you like to meet?"

There was no way I could ever compete with her, so I declined. To be a stepparent is a thankless task. It is not for everyone!
You should realize, aqua, that even if you have your own biological daughter, it's more likely than not she'll be the number one woman in her father's life -- not you. That's just the way these things go.
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Old 04-23-2010, 08:20 AM
 
805 posts, read 1,434,015 times
Reputation: 734
Quote:
Originally Posted by Redisca View Post
You should realize, aqua, that even if you have your own biological daughter, it's more likely than not she'll be the number one woman in her father's life -- not you. That's just the way these things go.


Yes, of course! It's a given. That is why it is important to know one's limits.
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Old 04-23-2010, 08:47 AM
 
Location: In my skin
9,230 posts, read 15,554,442 times
Reputation: 9131
I'm a parent who swore I wouldn't date someone else with kids and did anyway, much to my disappointment. When my son left the house, I was even more determined to stay away because I was now free to live my own life and didn't want anything or anyone limiting my movement. So, while I think the OP is way over the top and lacking on many levels, I can understand why some people choose to steer clear.

I just find it comical that a person would deem a single parent unworthy for the reasons put forth in the OP when those statements alone paint the picture of a severely deficient and unworthy individual in the dating world, kids or no kids. I seriously question the suitability of someone who is threatened by or jealous of a child, the idea of child support, the relationship with the other parent, etc., someone who would very likely be be fine with their partner placing him/her before their own kids.

I don't think it is selfish. I think it nuts.
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Old 04-23-2010, 08:47 AM
 
Location: The cupboard under the sink
4,002 posts, read 8,341,004 times
Reputation: 8075
Yeah, this point is maybe more of a personal view.
Since I don't really want kids, I don't really want to get involved with the whole thing of getting to know and love them.

I'm not saying it could never happen, there are things about children I like, and I am warming to the idea a little, but I just don't know if I have the patience.
I like them better when you can send them home after a few hours !!

You could love them, and their kid is a brat. They may not be a brat, they may be nice as pie, but you just don't hit it off.
how many natural parents are closer to one child than another ? Even genetics doesn't guarantee bonding.

Just too many variables.
It would really depend on the woman, I think.

I personally am not driven by notches on the bedpost, I want more than that, but I agree with you, there are many who are.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
That is absoulty reasonable and expessed intelligently, Bobman (except #4). Kids arent for everyone. I think what chaps peoples butt is those that expess this with:

OMG NO MAN WANTS TO DATE A USED UP BIOLOGICAL FAILURE OF A SINGLE MOM. ALL THEY ARE GOOD FOR IS SEX BECAUSE THEY WILL TAKE ALL YOUR MONEY AND EXPECT YOU TO RAISE THEIR BRATS!

I dont agree with your #4 as a general statement. Too many people accept and love children that are not theirs biologically.
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Old 04-23-2010, 09:33 AM
 
Location: Cumberland Co. TN
29,496 posts, read 26,012,421 times
Reputation: 26722
Quote:
I'm not saying it could never happen, there are things about children I like, and I am warming to the idea a little, but I just don't know if I have the patience.
I like them better when you can send them home after a few hours !!
I have always loved young children.
They taste like chicken! JK
As Im getting older I find it almost unbearable to be in close proximity to teenagers.
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Old 04-23-2010, 09:38 AM
 
2,013 posts, read 3,358,312 times
Reputation: 2154
Quote:
Originally Posted by interscope2000 View Post
Sadly, I just exited one of these relationships, not because of my ex (well, not totally,) but because there is too much drama.

First, we will never understand what you are feeling about your child, nor will we ever feel the same about your seed.

Second, we don't want to deal with baby-mama or daddy drama - what that means is ever seeing, talking to or ever hearing their voice.

Thirdly, Why would ANYONE ever want to be second, third, etc.

Fourth, we know why you want to date us singles...for the reason listed above, so why not just stick to your own kind.

Fifth, we can't discipline or have a say in how much you spend on your ex/child, so what do you think is the great appeal about you...unless you are a model?

Sixth, if we ever married, you wad is blown on your previous kids, so?

Elighten me as to what the appeal is?

I imagine only single parent will respond will respond with "selffish" but that's not is, it's called doing it right the first time.
Don't understand what the long explanation is for, because most single parents I know do not have the desire to date a single childless person, so feel free to stick to your own kind.
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Old 04-23-2010, 09:48 AM
 
Location: The cupboard under the sink
4,002 posts, read 8,341,004 times
Reputation: 8075
I hear you !!

They're cute when they're fresh, and as they start to grow up.
Toddlers are so much fun.

Once they start to get opinions of their own, that's when the novelty wears off for me, at least until they're old enough to take them for a beer !!

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
I have always loved young children.
They taste like chicken! JK
As Im getting older I find it almost unbearable to be in close proximity to teenagers.
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Old 04-23-2010, 09:51 AM
 
12,587 posts, read 15,551,070 times
Reputation: 15198
This is an interesting thread.

I being a guy who married a single mom.

I didn't have an issue with it. I have dated some other gals who had children and I guess it is the person.

I dated a young lady who had no kids but her sister did. When I was visiting, her sister's kid hit grandma...her mother. All her sister and this girl I was dating did was laugh. I stepped in and corrected the kid and then corrected the two girls. Then I left and never spoke to her again.

You have to see what's in the heart I suppose. You will be number 2. You will miss those fun couple years where you guys can run around together doing things together without kids.

At any rate...you have to see what sort of parent and woman she is inside. To judge her from having kids is quite shallow.
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Old 04-23-2010, 10:21 AM
 
805 posts, read 1,434,015 times
Reputation: 734
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann View Post
At any rate...you have to see what sort of parent and woman she is inside. To judge her from having kids is quite shallow.


Or smart. People who know their limits are smart to avoid things they know in advance they cannot handle.

Better than going in, breaking their hearts, and leaving.
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