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Old 04-23-2010, 10:32 AM
 
Location: SoCal - Sherman Oaks & Woodland Hills
12,975 posts, read 32,053,736 times
Reputation: 10491

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I think a lot of posters are being a bit to harsh on judging the OP for his comments. He only listed what almost all single men think of the difficulties of dating a single mom. He's not judging the moms, he's just listing some of the reasons why he (as well as most men) would choose NOT to date any single moms.

I liken his post to posts where women say they would not date a guy who works the drive-thru window at McDonalds or would not date a guy who doesnt have a car or never gone to college. Its just the single moms out there who know deep in their hearts that most guys feel the way the OP does, they react emotionally because its a bone of contention with them and a personal battle they fight in their own lives in finding a man. Then, they (single moms) try to say that men who WILL date them are somehow better people than those men who would NOT date them. Its like me saying something ridiculous like "oh I think Indian women are better than black women because black women always choose not to date me".
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Old 04-23-2010, 10:59 AM
 
Location: Cumberland Co. TN
29,583 posts, read 26,090,583 times
Reputation: 26863
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaoTzuMindFu View Post
I think a lot of posters are being a bit to harsh on judging the OP for his comments. He only listed what almost all single men think of the difficulties of dating a single mom. He's not judging the moms, he's just listing some of the reasons why he (as well as most men) would choose NOT to date any single moms.

I liken his post to posts where women say they would not date a guy who works the drive-thru window at McDonalds or would not date a guy who doesnt have a car or never gone to college. Its just the single moms out there who know deep in their hearts that most guys feel the way the OP does, they react emotionally because its a bone of contention with them and a personal battle they fight in their own lives in finding a man. Then, they (single moms) try to say that men who WILL date them are somehow better people than those men who would NOT date them. Its like me saying something ridiculous like "oh I think Indian women are better than black women because black women always choose not to date me".
How do you and the OP know what most men think about dating single moms. If the OP stated the difficulties he had in this situation instead of using “we” then directing his comments to single parents with a challenge to explain ourselves and then an accusation that single parents messed up so we should stick to our own kind, most posters would have reacted differently.


Many posters both male and female have stated that they have not had any of these dating difficulties. I don’t think the single moms feel men that date them are any better, we are saying you don’t want to date us, so what, there are people that do. Why make such a big deal about it.
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Old 04-23-2010, 11:05 AM
 
Location: Toledo
3,862 posts, read 8,057,927 times
Reputation: 3715
For all those people who find it strange for a person to not want to play second fiddle in a relationship, would you feel the same way if it wasn't about a child? How many women would be willing to get in a serious relationship with a mama's boy? How many men desire women who are workaholics?

I'm not saying that your partner or spouse has to be your whole life, but IMO if you are in a committed relationship then they should come before the kids (that's of course assuming that they're a decent person). If parents aren't willing to do that, then they should stick to casual dating.

And I should clarify that I don't mean that parents should buy beer for their spouse or partner in instead of getting of diapers for their child or things like that.
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Old 04-23-2010, 11:30 AM
 
Location: Cumberland Co. TN
29,583 posts, read 26,090,583 times
Reputation: 26863
Quote:
Originally Posted by yayoi View Post
For all those people who find it strange for a person to not want to play second fiddle in a relationship, would you feel the same way if it wasn't about a child? How many women would be willing to get in a serious relationship with a mama's boy? How many men desire women who are workaholics?

I'm not saying that your partner or spouse has to be your whole life, but IMO if you are in a committed relationship then they should come before the kids (that's of course assuming that they're a decent person). If parents aren't willing to do that, then they should stick to casual dating.

And I should clarify that I don't mean that parents should buy beer for their spouse or partner in instead of getting of diapers for their child or things like that.
In a committed relationship there are alway compromises to be made but normally parents do put their children first.
You will feed your kids before you will eat, neglect your own medical needs for theirs and even give your life for them. Most families do seem to find a balance.

So, in putting your partner first, if your partner has a dinner party the same night as your daughters graduation, you would not attend the graduation? If your son had a nightmare would you not go comfort him because your partner wanted you to stay in bed. If you had date plans but your child got sick, would you go anyway?
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Old 04-23-2010, 12:18 PM
 
Location: Amarillo, Tx
622 posts, read 1,217,906 times
Reputation: 694
Ok I don't get why people are taking this personal. And why are they shallow? Is there some fairness rule in dating? Don't people have the right to date whomever they wish? No matter what? People have preferences. So what? If you will only date 5' 3" blue eyed redheads then who cares?

Why is that people are morally bound to date anyone nice? Like if you meet a nice girl then you better marry her or your shallow. Its crazy
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Old 04-23-2010, 12:22 PM
 
Location: Amarillo, Tx
622 posts, read 1,217,906 times
Reputation: 694
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaoTzuMindFu View Post
I think a lot of posters are being a bit to harsh on judging the OP for his comments. He only listed what almost all single men think of the difficulties of dating a single mom. He's not judging the moms, he's just listing some of the reasons why he (as well as most men) would choose NOT to date any single moms.

I liken his post to posts where women say they would not date a guy who works the drive-thru window at McDonalds or would not date a guy who doesnt have a car or never gone to college. Its just the single moms out there who know deep in their hearts that most guys feel the way the OP does, they react emotionally because its a bone of contention with them and a personal battle they fight in their own lives in finding a man. Then, they (single moms) try to say that men who WILL date them are somehow better people than those men who would NOT date them. Its like me saying something ridiculous like "oh I think Indian women are better than black women because black women always choose not to date me".
Tried to rep you. Must spread the wealth I guess.
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Old 04-23-2010, 12:37 PM
 
Location: NYC area
3,486 posts, read 5,402,909 times
Reputation: 3865
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ameribull View Post
Ok I don't get why people are taking this personal. And why are they shallow? Is there some fairness rule in dating? Don't people have the right to date whomever they wish? No matter what? People have preferences. So what? If you will only date 5' 3" blue eyed redheads then who cares?

Why is that people are morally bound to date anyone nice? Like if you meet a nice girl then you better marry her or your shallow. Its crazy
[font=Arial]
Of course -- everyone has preferences, and that's that. There is no entitlement in dating (although this forum is chock-full of comments to the effect that so-called "nice guys" are entitled to having women of their choice date them). There are perfectly good reasons not to date someone who has kids, not the least of which is that this person may be less willing to have kids with you, and there are various logistical difficulties associated with single parents.

That said, however, I think what irks people is when a purely personal preference becomes wrapped inside something that looks suspiciously like a judgment of character bordering on dehumanization. Like the assumption that the only reason a single mother may want to date is because she's looking for someone to pick up the slack with the kids. Or the assumption that these kids are horrible brats. Or the assumption that the only reason a woman may be a single mother is that she is incompetent and irresponsible. Or comments that liken a single mother to a used-up breeding tool. Why is it so hard to believe that women desire sex, companionship and fun, maybe even, godforbid, love? And if they do, why would it be wrong? Everyone is "entitled" to their preferences, but we should allow even those we prefer not to date their humanity. (But that's just the evil feminist in me speaking.)
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Old 04-23-2010, 12:38 PM
 
805 posts, read 1,435,715 times
Reputation: 734
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaoTzuMindFu View Post
Its just the single moms out there who know deep in their hearts that most guys feel the way the OP does, they react emotionally because its a bone of contention with them and a personal battle they fight in their own lives in finding a man. Then, they (single moms) try to say that men who WILL date them are somehow better people than those men who would NOT date them. Its like me saying something ridiculous like "oh I think Indian women are better than black women because black women always choose not to date me".


I agree with you. They should learn to disagree without attacking. State their opinion without putting others down.

What a nice world we'd all live in.
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Old 04-23-2010, 12:55 PM
 
Location: Toledo
3,862 posts, read 8,057,927 times
Reputation: 3715
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
In a committed relationship there are alway compromises to be made but normally parents do put their children first.
You will feed your kids before you will eat, neglect your own medical needs for theirs and even give your life for them. Most families do seem to find a balance.

So, in putting your partner first, if your partner has a dinner party the same night as your daughters graduation, you would not attend the graduation? If your son had a nightmare would you not go comfort him because your partner wanted you to stay in bed. If you had date plans but your child got sick, would you go anyway?
It's perfectly understandable to tend to a child's needs in those situations. My point is that the relationship between the adults needs to be nurtured first and foremost. Otherwise what's the point in getting in a serious relationship? I see far too many people focus their whole lives on the child(ren) while their relationships with their partners fall apart.
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Old 04-23-2010, 01:46 PM
 
Location: Cumberland Co. TN
29,583 posts, read 26,090,583 times
Reputation: 26863
Quote:
Originally Posted by yayoi View Post
It's perfectly understandable to tend to a child's needs in those situations. My point is that the relationship between the adults needs to be nurtured first and foremost. Otherwise what's the point in getting in a serious relationship? I see far too many people focus their whole lives on the child(ren) while their relationships with their partners fall apart.
Yes. I see that too. And that is one of the potential problems with having children, especially being in a blended family relationship. There has to be a balance and thats why family dosent work for many people.
Ive seen people who put their kids before everyone always and Ive seen people who expect to be the center of their partners world at the expense of everyone else.

My bf has a teenage child and Im quite comfortable taking a back seat when issues arise and he knows that there are times when my grandkids needs will come before his. Neither of us has issues with this.
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