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Perhaps you are simply comfortable with mediocrity. Just realize that not all of us are like you. And, yes, some of us are striving to build something great, to ensure that our future children have access to quality schools, healthcare, a very safe environment and financial stability...
Point being, you don't want a relationship, what you want is something called a "business merger."
And please oh please explain this "strive to build something great." What you're refering to is something that simply comes with the territory of working hard and being responsible, it doesn't require any extraordinary "ambition and drive." Get real.
Point being, you don't want a relationship, what you want is something called a "business merger."
And please oh please explain this "strive to build something great." What you're refering to is something that simply comes with the territory of working hard and being responsible, it doesn't require any extroidnary "ambition and drive." Get real.
Welcome to dating in the 21rst century where "love" is not as important as it used to be, dating is now like an auction with many women. Only the highest bidder can win. It's just how it is with some of these professional women.
You do realize that men are held to a different standard. Men should be the providers and protectors. Why then, would a man need to discriminate based on a woman's earning potential? Why do you believe that men and women are the same?
Held to a different standard by who? I can see holding someone to the same standard, but different/higher standards? That doesn't make sense, nor is it representative of people that actually marry.
I don't see how a person can expect to be provided for while expecting to be treated as an equal. It simply cannot work in this day and age. Frankly, I don't think it's ever been the case. If we look at pre-industrial society both men and women worked hard on the homestead. These women weren't simply provided for. They busted their arses, just as men did. Both provided. Heck, even children worked.
Too many seem to have this skewed funky pov of gender roles where one or the other wants an easier load. Obviously, that won't bring success.
Quote:
Originally Posted by itshim
Your second paragraph is a legit complaint but I don't see how it relates to the first one. Personally I do think it's unfair that women have taken on the burden of household duties in addition their domestic ones. Although that has changed considerably.
It relates to the first one perfectly in that it addresses gender roles that don't and will never work.
The women in the video are 'too refined' because they are simply looking for attractive/well educated, and intelligent men? The truth is, there's absolutely nothing wrong with the women in the video. Nicole (the prosecuting attorney featured) graduated from Emory Law School. Why should she want to date a garbage collector, janitor or Mcdonalds manager? She's attractive, intelligent and has a great career (not to mention her own property).
In reality, professional black women who marry blue collar workers set themselves up for divorce and failure. Do you really think that the majority of blue collar workers aren't intimidated by an attractive/intelligent professional woman? In general, men that have no interest in higher educational attainment, tend to dislike intellectual activities. Of course there are professional men that may dislike certain activities as well, but it's far more likely that non professional men won't want to participate. They may see it as being bourgeois or to use your words 'too refined.' The professional woman, will then be forced to either lower her standards in the relationship, or be her own boss. Choosing the later, may however result in domestic violence. Also, let's not forget the real issue. Professional women that marry blue collar workers tend to earn more. Most men (even those that claim it's not an issue) really do care about this. Many will grow to resent the woman, for simply out earning him. When a woman marries a man that makes less, she lowers her stock. For instance, a woman earning 120K that marries a man making 40K, will not have the same lifestyle as one that marries a man that makes more than her.
For this reason, women should marry men that are their intellectual/professional equal or superior. They should never marry a man that does not have the drive or ability to achieve either the same or more. Therefore, Nicole has every right to demand that her future husband have the same educational credentials, earnings, property etc, that she has obtained. That's not being 'too refined,' it's called being smart.
No, to me it's called 'whoaaa there, not so fast'...my own marriage is a testimony to this theory of 'white collar/blue collar inequality' being utter bulldirkey...
I'm black and 54 yrs old...my wife (Mrs Catfish) is 48 and is A) double-degreed (marketing and business management) B) smart as a cracking bullwhip, C) wiser than myself about certain things, and finally D) the best damn thing that ever happened to this stubborn, opinionated, better-than-average-intelligent himself 'blue collar guy' ( I work for a major ink firm in Cincinnati)...
We discuss EVERYTHING, from family finances to what kind of flowers she wants to plant in the backyard garden...I defer to her in the financial realm, because I have NEVER been great at handling my own finances...in other words, yep, I bring my paycheck home to my wife, and she goes ahead and makes sure the checking account is balanced and the bills are paid on time, and I do NOT have a problem with that...I am/have the final word in the household, but not unless we have DISCUSSED the issue THOROUGHLY first, and come to a MUTUAL decision---our marriage is a democracy, not a monarchy...
Some of the ladies in the video are entitled to their opinion, as are you, but I just bristle whenever I hear that 'date or marry at or above your station' jazz...men AND women who practice that are effectively limiting their 'pool of potential eligibles' over some overblown 'keep up with the Joneses' mentality...
And by the way, that woman making 120K, and that guy making 40K? If neither has kids in the picture, that's 160K collectively...you're gonna tell me 2 folk who have their heads on straight, and are working toward the same goal, can't make that 160K work? My wife makes MUCH more than me, and in 3 yrs of marriage and total 6 yrs together, that has NEVER, EVER been an issue in our household...
And that garbage man, janitor, or McDonald's manager you thumb your nose at? What's to say that Miss High-Powered Attorney can't learn a few lessons on life from that person? Or vice versa? I've met some women (through my wife) who have that 'I've got it goin' on...don't step to me unless you make X amount' mentality, who are dumber than dirt in a shoebox when it comes to actual life lessons...every thing you learn in this world, doesn't come out of a textbook, or a college classroom, and having a degree and a bunch of letters after your name (MD, PHD, JD, NFL, NBA, NAACP...you get the picture) doesn't automatically make you better or smarter than Bob the Metro Bus Driver---who MAY possess a world of knowledge, and can complement your life in many ways, but suddenly isn't good enough for you BECAUSE he drives a bus...for all you know, Bob may be a few credits short of HIS JD or PHD, and supports himself by driving the bus...your presence in his life may be that push he needs to get him to the finish line...in short, what is a diamond before it becomes a diamond? A lump of coal...but under tremendous pressure (read--a nurturing someone saying 'I've got your back!') it becomes a thing of beauty and value
And please oh please explain this "strive to build something great." What you're refering to is something that simply comes with the territory of working hard and being responsible, it doesn't require any extraordinary "ambition and drive." Get real.
I think you on are to something here that is rather unique to black women because of their historical struggles. Black women tend to be very community oriented, and yes, some are "striving to build something great/build an empire/or whatever"...anything less is viewed as a lack of drive/ambition. A lot of effort is spent of founding and building community programs, churches, ect. This is why you see much higher levels of participation by black women in schools, churches, and community groups. In general, this doesn't interest many men; most men are cool with just ensuring that their house is in order.
My point is that you have a lot of "society women" looking only for their equal, the "society man", when few of them at any income/education level exist.
Last edited by enigmaingr; 04-26-2010 at 10:40 AM..
Welcome to dating in the 21rst century where "love" is not as important as it used to be, dating is now like an auction with many women. Only the highest bidder can win. It's just how it is with some of these professional women.
When it comes to marriage, romantic love is a recent phenomena.
Marriage was, and still is in many places, considered to be a contract between two families.
I think you on are to something here that is rather unique to black women because of their historical struggles. Black women tend to be very community oriented, and yes, some are "striving to build something great/build an empire/or whatever"...anything less is viewed as a lack of drive/ambition. A lot of effort is spent of founding and building community programs, churches, ect. This is why you see much higher levels of participation by black women in schools, churches, and community groups. In general, this doesn't interest many men; most men are cool with just ensuring that their house is in order.
My point is that you have a lot of "society women" looking only for their equal, the "society man", when few of them at any income/education level exist.
I see where you are coming from but I personally do not believe that it really has anything to do with being "community oriented." Many of these women are simply aspiring to live wealthier than they already are. And as someone earlier alluded to, men with high powered jobs are just another accessory somewhere in between the parada bags and the mercedes. They want financially and upwardly mobile men as "show pieces" and not much else. The BC itself is full of people just putting on 'appearences' from the lowest echelon to the highest, and these women are just another layer to that cake.
Alot of statistics and common knowledge are misconstrued though. Someone earlier posted the statistics of the difference between Black female and black male bachelor degree holders and it turns out that it was less than an astounding 2%. Also couple that with the fact that statistically speaking BM have higher per capita incomes than BW as a group. Which leads the rational thinker to see that all of this talk about there being a 'lack there of' amongst BM is just a scapegoat masking the issues that I noted above.
No, to me it's called 'whoaaa there, not so fast'...my own marriage is a testimony to this theory of 'white collar/blue collar inequality' being utter bulldirkey...
I'm black and 54 yrs old...my wife (Mrs Catfish) is 48 and is A) double-degreed (marketing and business management) B) smart as a cracking bullwhip, C) wiser than myself about certain things, and finally D) the best damn thing that ever happened to this stubborn, opinionated, better-than-average-intelligent himself 'blue collar guy' ( I work for a major ink firm in Cincinnati)...
We discuss EVERYTHING, from family finances to what kind of flowers she wants to plant in the backyard garden...I defer to her in the financial realm, because I have NEVER been great at handling my own finances...in other words, yep, I bring my paycheck home to my wife, and she goes ahead and makes sure the checking account is balanced and the bills are paid on time, and I do NOT have a problem with that...I am/have the final word in the household, but not unless we have DISCUSSED the issue THOROUGHLY first, and come to a MUTUAL decision---our marriage is a democracy, not a monarchy...
Some of the ladies in the video are entitled to their opinion, as are you, but I just bristle whenever I hear that 'date or marry at or above your station' jazz...men AND women who practice that are effectively limiting their 'pool of potential eligibles' over some overblown 'keep up with the Joneses' mentality...
Bob may be a few credits short of HIS JD or PHD, and supports himself by driving the bus...your presence in his life may be that push he needs to get him to the finish line...in short, what is a diamond before it becomes a diamond? A lump of coal...but under tremendous pressure (read--a nurturing someone saying 'I've got your back!') it becomes a thing of beauty and value
Your post is on point. It is programming from peers, family, the media and society that drums into your mind that you need things from a person instead of love. Sure, I dated the high-profile guys but soon discovered that after getting an education and good jobs that they became stuffy and image conscious, looking for some arm candy instead of a decent person. I wanted to date someone who I could joke with, discuss politics with, travel with, go to concerts with, and ride bikes with, who didn't care that I liked pop music, dressed quirky and had a short natural 'do. The bankers, lawyers, doctors, stockbrokers had so many women to choose from, and they were evasive when it was important to be open. On the other hand, I enjoyed the teachers, social workers, DJs, musicians and artists more. As I matured and learned who I was inside, I let go of the superficial stuff, like "what he had", got focused on solidifying my financial house and started dating people that I enjoyed being with.
Now I have two degrees and last year I made a six figure salary. I've spent many long hours at work but I grew tired of that too, switched careers and took a 35 percent pay cut last August.
I have never been married and I don't have children. My significant other (SO) and I have been friends since 1993 and a couple since 2002. He has an Associates degree, works for himself installing sound systems, as a DJs when he can get gigs, and he sells audio equipment on eBay. He sometimes struggles to make ends meet. But despite our differences in education and income, he is GOOD to me, we share the resources that we are able to bring to the table and we try to enjoy the simple things in life.
When you get sick and someone really has your back, he/she is a keeper. I had two serious surgeries and he stood beside me in the hospital and through my recovery.
But to give you an idea of where the perspective of the women in the video comes from, my dad refused to talk to my SO in the hospital because he didn't feel that he was the type of man I should be with. Once I was home and feeling better, I gave dad a piece of my mind. Try to understand that the mindset in the video is deeply ingrained, and may require some introspection and maturity to undue.
I have no regrets about my life. I didn't put myself on a timetable and just allowed it to unfold. There were 20 years between my two degrees and I did my grad work over an 8 year period. My illness prevented me from having children but I love the children of friends and relatives. My relationship didn't give me status but I have companionship. I may never get married but that's okay too.
Last edited by queensgrl; 04-26-2010 at 04:08 PM..
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I Beg To Differ On That
It is programming from peers, family, the media and society that drums into your mind that you need things from a person instead of love. Sure, I dated the high-profile guys but soon discovered that after getting an education and good jobs that they became stuffy and image conscious, looking for some arm candy instead of a decent person. I wanted to date someone who I could joke with, discuss politics with, travel with, go to concerts with, and ride bikes with, who didn't care that I liked pop music, dressed quirky and had a short natural 'do. The bankers, lawyers, doctors, stockbrokers had so many women to choose from, and they were evasive when it was important to be open. On the other hand, I enjoyed the teachers, social workers, DJs, musicians and artists more. As I matured and learned who I was inside, I let go of the superficial stuff, like "what he had", got focused on solidifying my financial house and started dating people that I enjoyed being with. 