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And see, this is the problem, many women who climb the corporate ladder automatically feel they are entitled to marry the cream of the crop of their male counterparts. In fact, this is the general ideal for many African American women today; they want a rich athlete, a celebrity, some kind of music star, a business tycoon, or an ivy league graduate who now works at a law firm. They could care less if the man is honest, polite, thrifty, and has a good character which are all the traits that are needed to upkeep a marriage over the long haul. This is also why many black women are single moms, they don't take the time to check the basic traits of the guys they are having sex with, but I digress.
To take it further, going by your viewpoint, then all the Hollywood actors and actresses who get married should have smooth sailing marriages. Right?! Well we can clearly see that despite all the mergers of famous people who both came to the table with money, the money, and similar achievements could not keep them together because it's also about more intrinsic things that I have discussed earlier.
Actually, this dove tales into why black men date white women. Well, it's PARTLY because white women are more reasonable when it comes to basic standards for dating a man. White women love black men for the simple fact that he's BLACK, and that he is a MAN (you know, he has a penis!); his money or success is just icing on the cake. Seriously, many white women just make due with the black mans body and the fact that they have access to his anatomy every night.
In other words, black women view black men without money or success as a boy, but a white woman under similar circumstances would view the said subject as a man and act accordingly.
In an earlier post I wrote that the high earning, professional black men that I knew and dated were only interested in beautiful women and/or women with a certain social standing. The men weren't necessarily the most attractive but had money and status. I did not date them because of this -- we just traveled in the same social circles and met. Now, depending on how conservative their jobs were (e.g., law firms are pretty conservative) having an educated and beautiful woman was beneficial since these jobs often involve bringing a spouse/date to work functions. This is what their white co-workers were doing so it wasn't odd that they were similar.
I have since moved on from dating these types because they made me feel like chattel in a way. I remember one guy (a stockbroker) telling me how much I wanted to marry him (I had just met him!) and that I'd have to sign a pre-nup if I did. He also bragged to me about how much rent he paid. I guess he presumed that I had nothing. I informed him that if I married him I would go in with what I had and leave the same way.
Can we agree there is an expectation on the part of some successful men and successful women to seek out the cream of the crop?
BTW, very few of these men ever dated non-black women.
Last edited by queensgrl; 04-26-2010 at 08:11 PM..
i am with 4 black women right now discussing this same topic....It seems they all want the SAME guy....And many men are not that guy.
I have the same conversation over and over and over with some of my single, professional Black friends....and it drives me crazy.
The conversation is usually something like this......
Friend 1: "I'm so tired of being by myself. Where are all of the good Black men?"
Friend 2: "They are too busy chasing Becky, Maria and Mai Ling."
Friend 1: "That is so true. What is wrong with Black men?"
Me: "Maybe you should stop focusing on just Black men and open your options to just good men in general."
Friend 1: "I'm sorry but I must have a chocolate man. I want chocolate babies."
Friend 2: "Me too. I want a guy that looks like Morris Chestnut. He has to to have a little edge. He can't be corny. And he must be corporate or an attorney. I love guys who are attorneys because they are sort of cocky. I love cocky, arrogant guys."
Me: "Why not just focus on being the best you and let a good guy find you. And why does he have to be cocky, that translates to an a-hole to me. Seriously, there are a lot of great guys out there. You just need to be more open. Why not date a White guy or a Latino. Who cares. He may be the one that God intended for you."
Friend 1: "Only a Black man can understand a Black woman."
Friend 2: "And I know that God wants me to have a good chocolate Black man."
I have the same conversation over and over and over with some of my single, professional Black friends....and it drives me crazy.
The conversation is usually something like this......
Friend 1: "I'm so tired of being by myself. Where are all of the good Black men?"
Friend 2: "They are too busy chasing Becky, Maria and Mai Ling."
Friend 1: "That is so true. What is wrong with Black men?"
Me: "Maybe you should stop focusing on just Black men and open your options to just good men in general."
Friend 1: "I'm sorry but I must have a chocolate man. I want chocolate babies."
Friend 2: "Me too. I want a guy that looks like Morris Chestnut. He has to to have a little edge. He can't be corny. And he must be corporate or an attorney. I love guys who are attorneys because they are sort of cocky. I love cocky, arrogant guys."
Me: "Why not just focus on being the best you and let a good guy find you. And why does he have to be cocky, that translates to an a-hole to me. Seriously, there are a lot of great guys out there. You just need to be more open. Why not date a White guy or a Latino. Who cares. He may be the one that God intended for you."
Friend 1: "Only a Black man can understand a Black woman."
Friend 2: "And I know that God wants me to have a good chocolate Black man."
Me: changes the subject
Everyone has standards, but as you say be reasonable and logical about it.
I prefer to look for solutions rather than lay blame and harp on the past. Part of it is in our hands, ladies. Get out, try new venues, travel, meet new people. I was at a fundraiser on Thurs and the place was full of men but just a handful of black women showed up.
Step outside the comfort zone. I think you'll see the tide turn in your favor
Yea, I agree, people need to get out more and do different things other then the D$$ club.
For example, I engage in aquatic activities (yea, a African dude in water!) at least once a week and I never see anybody but middle age people of mostly Asian decent. When I patron book stores or cafes it's usually ONLY Caucasian people who seem to take the time to read for pleasure and gather knowledge for the sake of it (I have been in many bookstores in different states BTW).
Americans today just don't live balanced lives, they work like a dog for basically the whole year then they try and unwind the whole year in the 2 weeks vacation by lying around like a beached whale eating nothing but cheap food that you can get at your local AM/PM.
Last edited by Morphous01; 04-26-2010 at 09:24 PM..
The Black man/Black woman "debate" is just another tool being used to drive an even larger wedge in the Black family unit.
The mindset that "Black men think White (or Asian or Latina) women are better" is simply a function of the larger issue of the acceptance of Black people in society.
As Black women, we need to stop focusing on the individual Black man who has made a choice based on his personal needs/feelings/beliefs/desires/goals/ambitions/stereotypes....and instead we should focus on being amazing women.
In addition, we need to stop emphasizing the following:
-we are "strong"
-we are "independent"
-we don't "need" a man
-we are "picky"
-we don't like non-Black men (or light skinned Black men, etc, etc, etc.)
-we want a man who is "rough around the edges"
-we can raise a family all on our own
-it doesn't matter what we eat as long as it tastes good
-it doesn't matter that we don't work out as long as our hair looks good
-it doesn't matter how we present our sexual selves to the world
In the collective, we (Black women) are continually advertising, through our words and actions, that we do not need men in our lives. And we have a much too extensive "checklist" which focuses on the minutia while ignoring the most important qualities in good men.
Yea, I agree, people need to get out more and do different things other then the D$$ club.
A lot of problems would be solved if we let go of the whole "I must do this or be a part of that because it's what black folks do". Do your own thing and you'll be surprised who'll you'll come across.
Not to veer off of topic, but crack dealers are still crack dealers and a murderer is still a murderer. There's really isn't any type of philosophical disuation that can change that.
Years ago NYS initiated a form of unusually cruel punishments pertaining to drug enforcement laws called the Rockefeller drug laws (not sure where you're from, but if you're from NY I'm sure you've heard of them). It locked a lot of young men up for exhaustive amounts of time (20 years for a few grams of coke) making the penalty equivalent something like 2nd degree murder. And many people thought they were overly harsh--no disagreement there, however in the midst of protest someone forgot to tell the coke dealer to simply stop dealing coke.
I hear you but we all know that Africans do not import tons of cocaine into the states. It's mostly done by Caucasians and South Americans in tandem. I get mad because the government will get tough on crime by throwing a young black male in jail, for years, for having a key (or less) on him but the same government never gets tough on the people further up the chain who push by the TONS! Also, if you have enough money you can buy your way out of jail with a good lawyer. Now how many young black males can do that? Watch a flick called Cocaine Cowboys.
Also, telling a young 15 year old in the hood who comes from a extremely dysfunctional family not to sell rocks is not as easy as it sounds. I don't think they really want to sell rocks for a living but when jobs are paying 8 bucks an hour, you got a baby on the way and no other skills it's easy (as a young teen) to make a decision to survive by doing something illegal.
As for Rockefellar drug laws, what an oxymoron, the whole family was nothing but criminals; and sad to say, they control most of Western education.
Quote:
Originally Posted by itshim
I agree with the seatbelt issue lol. That has always pissed me the f*ck off. Another thing that use to **** me off to no end was the street cleaning schedules and tickets in nyc.
Yep, America is no longer the land of the free. Back in the early 1900's (I think before the Buck Act) you could walk around with a gun unregistered and go where you please. Now days a cop can find any excuse to pull you over under the guise that he is "just doing his job" and issue you a citation. The citation takes money out your pocket and time off from work. All the money is then used to support the various judges who protect each other and leach off of the community.
And don't get me started on the street sweeping tickets, it's the same in Los Angeles. It's a 35 buck fine; I guess it's for the inconvenience of going AROUND my car. I never paid them, I would just sell or junk out the car and cop another one at the police auction because up until I got my nice Nissan Maxima I drove buckets.
Last edited by Morphous01; 04-27-2010 at 08:34 AM..
The statistics in this video support a case for black women who are trying to find black met. But this same problem/principle/concept is very much the same for a lot of women. They do have requirements, and the ones with the more ridiculous lists are the ones who put themselves in the situation of being older and still single. There's millions of women in america like this that are not black.
I hear you but we all know that Africans do not import tons of cocaine into the states. It's mostly done by Caucasians and South Americans in tandem. I get mad because the government will get tough on crime by throwing a young black male in jail, for years, for having a key (or less) on him but the same government never gets tough on the people further up the chain who push by the TONS! Also, if you have enough money you can buy your way out of jail with a good lawyer. Now how many young black males can do that?
Watch a flick called Cocaine Cowboys.
As for Rockefellar drug laws, what an oxymoron, the whole family was nothing but criminals; and sad to say, they control most of Western education.
Yep, America is no longer the land of the free. Back in the early 1900's (I think before the Buck Act) you could walk around with a gun unregistered and go where you please. Now days a cop can find any excuse to pull you over under the guise that he is "just doing his job" and issue you a citation. The citation takes money out your pocket and time off from work. All the money is then used to support the various judges who protect each other and leach off of the community.
And don't get me started on the street sweeping tickets, it's the same in Los Angeles. It's a 35 buck fine; I guess it's for the inconvenience of going AROUND my car. I never paid them, I would just sell or junk out the car and cop another one at the police auction because up until I got my nice Nissan Maxima I drove buckets.
To Morphous01
On a side note and directly for Morphous01. (LOL) I can't send you direct messages sooooo just wanted to say Thanks for the picture comments LOL Geesh you make things hard...
Ok, now back to your discussion. Sorry for the interruption!
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