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In today's world and society, do you think it is possible to have it all in terms of a successful career, a successful relationship/marriage, and family (kids)?
It seems like that being a high-earner and hard-worker is desirable by women (not all), but usually that requires long hours, travel, and stress. However, at what price does that come at?
I just notice a lot of successful men (high-ranking corporate types and entrepreneurs) have a hard time keeping it all together. I know one who, despite being a roaring successful and wealthy men in his profession, has had a divorce and a kid he doesn't get to see much.
I guess in a way, are go-getting, conquer-the-world type men wired differently from your next-door, everyday guys (who might not have the six-to-seven-figure incomes, but a lot more time)? Is this true for women?
Could this be part of the unrealistic expectations that we have today in dating, marriage, and life?
I think "having it all" is a fantasy. I know as a woman, I was raised to believe I could put on my superwoman cape and conquer the world. Now as a full time working mother of two, I am frazzled. I am realizing that I cannot have it all and cannot DO IT ALL. Something has to give, most of the time it is me that gives up something I want or need for myself.
It's important to balance work, family life, and self. You have to pay attention to all of it or there will be breakdown.
Can you have it all? Well, if you work less so you spend more time with your family, then you may make less $. But that might be good enough.
There is an endless amt of $ to make. You can work 5 lifetimes but what is the point? Isn't money a tool for happiness? You make $ to use it, and if you make enough so you can spend quality time with people you love, that, to me, is having it all.
I think the unrealistic expectation is assuming that a successful career is defined by bringing in six to seven figures or by being a high ranking corporate type. I define "successful" as making enough money to comfortably support your family and you don't always need six figures for that.
My dad only briefly made six figures when I was a kid but he was working 12 hour days and travelling for weeks at a time. He was always stressed and unhappy. When he wasn't making six figures, we still lived comfortably (had a 4 bedroom house with a pool, 2 cars, put my brother through Drexel University and myself through an equally expensive photography school) and he was more relaxed and happy. His relationship with my brother isn't perfect but overall, we're a pretty happy, functional family and he's still happily married after 33 years. So yeah, I'd say there were certainly times when my dad "had it all" and I'd probably say he still does even though his kids are grown now.
Having it all for me is like having nothing but that thing ! lol .. it could be anything for a whole lot of people .. however if u have peace of mind .. i believe u have it all
In today's world and society, do you think it is possible to have it all in terms of a successful career, a successful relationship/marriage, and family (kids)?
It seems like that being a high-earner and hard-worker is desirable by women (not all), but usually that requires long hours, travel, and stress. However, at what price does that come at?
I just notice a lot of successful men (high-ranking corporate types and entrepreneurs) have a hard time keeping it all together. I know one who, despite being a roaring successful and wealthy men in his profession, has had a divorce and a kid he doesn't get to see much.
I guess in a way, are go-getting, conquer-the-world type men wired differently from your next-door, everyday guys (who might not have the six-to-seven-figure incomes, but a lot more time)? Is this true for women?
Could this be part of the unrealistic expectations that we have today in dating, marriage, and life?
It depends on your personality and time management skills. Most of us aren't short on time because there isn't enough. We're short on time because we misuse the time we have and we have the wrong attitude.
There are 172 hours in the week. We SHOULD spend 56 sleeping (misuse #1, everything seems worse and takes longer when you're tired so if you have a lot on your plate, get to bed on time). That leaves 112 hours for work and everything else. Assuming you work a 45 hour work week and commute 30 minutes each way, you have 57 hours or 2 more hours per typical work week off of work than you spend working/commuting (just to put the time you have at home in perspective as people seem to think they spend all their time working. For most of us, it's just under half)
Let's also look at whole days off per year. Most people have major holidays and weekends off and have some kind of PTO like sick days, vacation days and personal days. I'll assume 25 days total here for a total of 129 days off per year or 35% of the days in a year. Most people don't seem to realize it's that high but the real misconception about time is that the day is over at 5:00. If bedtime is 10:00, and you get home at 5:30, you still hvae 5.5 hours every evening to either use constructively or waste. It's your choice.
Misuse of time #2: Putting off until the weekend what you can do today is a huge misuse of time. All this does is pack your weekends full. One thing people put off until the weekend is sleep. If you sleep 7 hours a day during the week and 9 each day on the weekend (trying to catch up, which, I understand, you can't), you just lost 2 hours each weekend day. They don't just seem shorter than other days, they ARE shorter than other days. We tend to think in terms of whole jobs and not start things we can't finish when there are plenty of jobs that can be done in pieces or will wait for you to pick them back up later. If you did just half an hour of chores normally reserved for the weekend on week nights and shifted just two of those extra hours you sleep on the weekend to week nights, you'd gain 4.5 hours more weekend.
As you can see from the math, there is time to have it all. The real problem is by having it all, most people mean I get to do what I want ALL the time. That doesn't usually happen. Even when people do that, they tire of what they are doing in a short amount of time. I've watched my friends from college who went gung ho career and got bored with it, then went gung ho stay at home mom and "lost their identities", now they're gung ho something else. Their problem isn't that they can't have it all, it's how they define having it all. It's seeing the glass half empty instead of half full. Because they can't be with their babies 100% of the time, their world is colored blue. When they are with their babies 100% of the time, they're screaming for a break because the kids are driving them nuts (It's funny around here. Go to the park at 5:30 and you'll see all these dads with their kids. That mom who had to stay home to spend all of her time with her kids is nowhere to be seen because, you see, she really didn't want to spend all her time with her kids. She just didn't want work to be the break she needs from them.). I've come to the conclusion you can't even have all of one thing without it getting on your nerves.
If you want to have it all, get organized, get rested and relax your standards. The house doesn't need to be company clean every day. Tidy enough to pick up in half an hour and have it presentable will do. Many chores can be broken down into 5 minute chores and done daily. For example, I don't clean my bathroom. I'll spray the shower down one morning when I get up and rinse it before I shower. I'll clean the sink another day, swish the toilet on another, spray the mirror on another and I keep a bottle of spray floor cleaner under the cabinet so one day, I'll sweep then spray the floor down after a shower or the kids baths (when they were little) and just use the used towels to dry the floor. Figure out the little things you can do every day so you don't have a 50 car pile up on the weekend. Do NOT short yourself on sleep during the week. Being tired makes everything seem worse and you, literally, make the work week longer.
As to having enough family time, if you're like most, you define family time as time sitting on the couch watching TV, playing a board game or going on an outing. There are other things you can turn into family time like preparing meals and yard work. Instead of each person going off into their corner to do their chore, do them together. We're in the process of getting out of the habit of dh cooking by himself. We're tending to go off to our corners when we get home. So we're turning preparing dinner into family reconnect time. That's 45 minutes or so of working together and then sitting down at the table together to eat the meal we parpared.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 04-24-2010 at 04:49 AM..
Even if you have it all for awhile, something happens to one of the things in the equation; either the job, the marriage or the kids. Everything is always in flux. That's why most of us struggle to juggle.
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because, you see, she really didn't want to spend all her time with her kids. She just didn't want work to be the break she needs from them.). I've come to the conclusion you can't even have all of one thing without it getting on your nerves.
