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I've been reading this forum for awhile now, never really had a gut to post a thread. But, there is a post here about 'are the nice girl being ignored' posted few days ago and i decided to post this and want to find a place to vent my feelings out. So, fellow posters please be nice for the first timer.
I am a foreign university student who have been in the US for almost 4 to 5 years now. Unfortunately, i am stuck in the part of the country where i don't feel belong. Hear me out here, it's not the people, but is to find a local who would see me as a date material.
In case you are wondering, I speak English fluently and i am currently holding a customer service related job. I grew up watching Nickelodeon,Disney movies,American teen movies and dramas, reading American teen novels and etc. Some of my favorite books i used to read was Chicken Soup for the teenage's soul,and girl's soul, my favorite shows were Dawson's Creek.My point is i feel like i grew up like any other American girl, hence i found myself attracted to white boy since i was 13.
I understand it might sounds shallow, and i tried not to think about the skin color and the facial feature much when i interact with the guys my race, but the guys just never get me any of the sparks and the rush feeling that i feel when i look at a white guy's face.
I am not saying that face is all that matter, of course personality does play a role for me to find a guy attractive. But, even though the local guy have all the qualities i am looking for, still i don't feel anything.
With that said, i am here in United State now, and there is plenty of chances for me to find someone to love. That hasn't been a case at all since I've been here.
I am in the Midwest, in the middle of the country to be exact. You would say i am in college, and that should be easy. A lot of the students coming from the small towns all over the state, they always hang around within themselves. I try to talk to them in the class, or in the club meetings and what not, but that is just limit to where it is at. The Americans never initiate to talk to me, unless i approach them. They usually ask a bunch of questions about my country and always amazed by my English proficiency level.
Seem like there is a group of people who is always eager to talk to me, is those who affiliated with the Christian group at campus. They are very nice people, and we always hang out in a big group, so guys usually talk among themselves and vice versa.I try to go to a church, especially those contemporary/non-traditional one have the young adult/college aged group worship, but all the guys there are taken/married. The church is also very involved in international ministries, so i just don't want to be seen as another 'Fresh off the boat and wish to get some language help, or introduced me to American culture, or a convert' subject.
I have met some guys who aren't that religious, but have everything together, and seem nice, we had some dates, but seem like they are not looking for love, just some booty calls. I am not that kinds of girl.
I just see myself having so many qualities like caring,intelligence, sympathy, have my head on the shoulder,have goals in life.I have been told attractive by some American guys. I am comfortable with who i am, but at the same time, i have also wished that i were born as a white girl, at least to get a nice white guy to see me as a relationship material, and get to know me inside.
I know some of you will say stop focusing on this too much, and love usually comes unexpectedly, and yes I am enjoying my very moments in life. I already had a science degree and i was on top of my grade, have been doing a lot of volunteer work, well cultured, keeping myself with current affairs, and very passionate about environment issue.I like to read, mostly science and philosophy.
I am 23, and i am just looking back at my life right now, it makes me weep that i never really have any boyfriend. . I have become an independent woman because of my stay here by myself, but at the same times, it would be nice to have someone to care for and be loved.
Last edited by Doesmyracematterhere?; 04-24-2010 at 01:40 PM..
Have you tried any type of dating events or on-line dating etc? Younger guys might think you aren't interested in white guys are shy sometimes etc. If you put yourself out there in a setting where they know you are interested in dating then perhaps that would break the ice.
I was born and grew up abroad; I've also studied abroad when I was in college, so I have some experience in this area. I find it very surprising that you have trouble meeting people and making friendships. Compared to most other cultures I've come across (and believe me, I've traveled a great deal), Americans are EXTRAORDINARILY easy to befriend. Most other groups are far more reticent. Of course, I've never lived in the Midwest, nor gone to college most of whose students are locals. This might be something peculiar to the locality.
I've found, however, that when you live abroad, there is a marked difference between getting dates and finding friends. When I lived in France, I literally had to beat men off with a stick; making friends, on the other hand, was exceedingly difficult.
I am 23, and i am just looking back at my life right now, it makes me weep that i never really have any boyfriend. . I have become an independent woman because of my stay here by myself, but at the same times, it would be nice to have someone to care for and be loved.
OK, lemme through some questions your way:
How do you dress? Do you dress like a U.S. person of similar age, or does your clothing scream "grandma" and/or "foreign"? As a university professor I encounter a decent number of foreign students -- it's my experience that many of them dress in a way that is quite frumpy when compared to others. I'm not saying that you need to have the latest fashion, etc., but your clothing sends a message about you, and if the message is "odd" many people are going to hesitate.
Do you make eye contact and smile at people? Or do you walk with your head lowered and avoid looking at people?
Do you know how to have a good time? Go to parties and laugh? Have a drink or two? I'm certainly NOT saying that you have to get drunk or be a boozer, but if you can't be engaging and vivacious in social settings, people are not going to find you attractive.
What's your attitude toward sex? You say you're not a booty call kind of gal. OK, fine. But I think you realize that, generally speaking, U.S. men are not interested in dating women who do not have sex. You don't have to be a s1ut; but if you ooze "I'm a no-sex-before-marriage kind of gal" very, very few American guys are gonna give you a second look.
if you are attracted to white guys, trust me that there are plenty of white guys out there who looooove dating women of color, any color, any culture.
however the area of the country you describe living in may not be the place to find men who are open minded enough to date someone of another race. The area of the country you describe living sounds like it might be very conservative, straight-laced, look down on other cultures, look down on mixed race couples, and even be racist. The problem is not YOU, it is the attitudes of the people around you in the area where you happen to be living.
Since you are obviously independent and well-educated and resourceful and have a good head on your shoulders and work experience, then what's keeping you from moving to an area where mixed race relationships are more common? Why not move somewhere where there is more diversity of race, culture, and language, and also more appreciation for you too, somewhere more open-minded and less insulated.
I too think it could be the area you live in. The Professor is also right, how you dress, wear your hair, show a smile, and interact with people says a lot about you. Can you be comfortable flirtying just a little? What are the results if you do? Try being just a bit more outgoing and see if that doesn't make a difference. Remember too, beauty is only skin deep.
Americans certainly have an outgoing, invite yourself tendency in the culture. You may need to express an interest a bit more. College is also a hookup culture with a female glut.
How do you dress? Do you dress like a U.S. person of similar age, or does your clothing scream "grandma" and/or "foreign"? As a university professor I encounter a decent number of foreign students -- it's my experience that many of them dress in a way that is quite frumpy when compared to others. I'm not saying that you need to have the latest fashion, etc., but your clothing sends a message about you, and if the message is "odd" many people are going to hesitate.
Do you make eye contact and smile at people? Or do you walk with your head lowered and avoid looking at people?
Do you know how to have a good time? Go to parties and laugh? Have a drink or two? I'm certainly NOT saying that you have to get drunk or be a boozer, but if you can't be engaging and vivacious in social settings, people are not going to find you attractive.
What's your attitude toward sex? You say you're not a booty call kind of gal. OK, fine. But I think you realize that, generally speaking, U.S. men are not interested in dating women who do not have sex. You don't have to be a s1ut; but if you ooze "I'm a no-sex-before-marriage kind of gal" very, very few American guys are gonna give you a second look.
I dress very Americanized.I grew up from the capital city of my country, and we follow western trends very closely. I even have some of the brands that the Midwesterner can't afford, Guess, Pranda and such.. I don't really think Clothing is the issue here.
I smile and make eye contact when i talk to people. . I have had couple of friends who are in law schools right now, told me that i am a good conversationalist. I had worked at Disney before, so making smile is not an issue at all, in fact that was what i did all the time while i was there
I tried to go to parties and have a drink or two. I never get drunk.
I just generally find that Midwestern people are not interested in learning others cultures. Warn you though, mix culture dating is still pretty rare here. Even among the Black and white here.
Thanks for your comment though
if you are attracted to white guys, trust me that there are plenty of white guys out there who looooove dating women of color, any color, any culture.
however the area of the country you describe living in may not be the place to find men who are open minded enough to date someone of another race. The area of the country you describe living sounds like it might be very conservative, straight-laced, look down on other cultures, look down on mixed race couples, and even be racist. The problem is not YOU, it is the attitudes of the people around you in the area where you happen to be living.
Since you are obviously independent and well-educated and resourceful and have a good head on your shoulders and work experience, then what's keeping you from moving to an area where mixed race relationships are more common? Why not move somewhere where there is more diversity of race, culture, and language, and also more appreciation for you too, somewhere more open-minded and less insulated.
I really agree with you on this. I am very looking forward to move to an area where mixed race datings are much more prevalence. But, with this economy now, i have weighted my pros and cons.
The economy in the Midwest now, especially in the city that i am in right now is one of the top five in the country right now as far as unemployment rate goes. You might could have guessed where i am if you do little research on the National Bureau statistics. The city has estimated 500,000 people and the richest person in the world has a headquarter here. The job market here is doing much better else where. The cost of living is unbeatable cheaper than anywhere East and West Coast.
I am just scared of going to a place where thing might not be what i expected, and have no one there to get help from. At least i still have some close friends here...But eventually i will move, Does anyone have any suggestion on which is the best city for single lady, especially for a foreign lady
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. I have become an independent woman because of my stay here by myself, but at the same times, it would be nice to have someone to care for and be loved.
. I have had couple of friends who are in law schools right now, told me that i am a good conversationalist. I had worked at Disney before, so making smile is not an issue at all, in fact that was what i did all the time while i was there
