Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Well I'll tell you my perspective. Cause to me that phrase is poison.
Settle down for what and why? Makes us sound like hyper active children on a rampage that mommy has made them sit in a chair.
When I was in my 20's man I wanted a serious relationship and all the gals in my life were directly the opposite. Casual sex wasn't something I was aiming for.
However now it seems all the gals want something serious and I don't. Had my fingers burnt, spent way to much time being serious and wasting time on
inconsequential things. Now I'd just like to have fun with nothing serious attached or any other big expectations.
Also I think for a lot of people once they get into their 40's they have spent a lot of their life having to listen to other people or do what they are told so they are looking to break the shackles rather than going the other way into "commitment".
I'm a bit younger than a lot of those guys you are aiming for, but I think I understand the mindset they are in.
Never in this thread did I ask why men don't want to settle down.
The only men I have openly asked about are the men who DO want to settle down.
If you don't want to settle down, I didn't ask about you anywhere on this thread. I don't care about your dating life if you don't want to settle down. I am interested in men who happily DO want to settle down. So take your phoney-baloney political agenda elsewhwhere.
So how would you make yourself more attractive to someone like me? Not easily because you would have to do something that is hard for women to do. You would have to find me and pursue me (and that is not due to my ego problems).
My first reaction after reading this was, "Whoa! Sounds like a peach-skinned, prime-time 20-25 year old girl who assumes all the world desires her." (and for the most part she is right). Then I realized that it was me who found my guy who was not looking, at his 55.
Quote:
Originally Posted by johnrex62
We are not online dating, we are not speed dating, we are not looking for women. Those men are not looking for anything longterm.
Yep, that was what my guy was doing - NOT looking. Then I fell into his lap, literally out of nowhere. I was 38, I didn't consider his age in my *range*. He fell in love first, and yes, women tried to flirt with him. He had a frustrating divorse, yes. Children, no. No one could "fire his heart" I guess.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Onglet39
So, are you guys trying to say this: Men who are of the quality a woman want to be in a relationship with simply aren't walking around with "dating" on their minds. They may become interested if they should come across someone they find attractive and intriguing, but other than that they are just living life without thinking "I should be dating."
Absolutely correct in our case. He was tinkering with his hobbies, building cars and energy-efficient buildings, and dating was the last thing on his mind. He still despises online dating.
Overall, it all was un-planned. I was getting ready to have a child on my own at 38. I moved away from a large city where I went through all the proper circles of dating and online dating sites, - through the same problems. When I had problems, I used to move and start anew, and that's what I did again. And there he was, in a small tiny place, who knew.
Even if they have worked through the anger, stick your finger in a fire and get burned, repeatedly, after a while even the slow folks finally learn their lesson.
Exactly. But I'd add that I think life and it's priorities and interests change. When in the 20's and 30's most people think about building a life with someone and having kids. By the time 50 rolls around that isn't really on the cards anymore or it's something that has come and is now almost gone.
So for the single guys that age, yeah I'd expect they would mostly be focused on light hearted fun and adventure or perhaps peace and quiet with no drama or any needs from other people that need constant servicing. Can't blame them really.
Never in this thread did I ask why men don't want to settle down.
The only men I have openly asked about are the men who DO want to settle down.
If you don't want to settle down, I didn't ask about you anywhere on this thread. I don't care about your dating life if you don't want to settle down. I am interested in men who happily DO want to settle down. So take your phoney-baloney political agenda elsewhwhere.
Excuse me for being so obtuse and reckless. I thought this was an open discussion not moderated by the OP, but I guess I was wrong. Silly me.
You are the one pining away for a relationship and I am merely explaining some reasons why men are diving out of windows to escape.
As another poster said be direct about what you are looking for.
Putting the words long term and commitment in there would help as well.
Make a list of exactly what you want as part of your profile.
And then go into the things you enjoy in the other part.
Intellectual interests, places you have traveled, activities you enjoy on a regular basis, things like that.
Maybe try not posting a photo but saying that you will exchange them if the conversation is interesting.
That may week out the sex only guys.
I would not consider this a rule, but I have seen it a lot.
Sex only seeking guys seem to approach every woman they can.
If a guy prefers a deeper connection and he is actively looking, he is going to look for details about women
that match what he enjoys as well. And will scan over the profiles until he finds something that he likes.
also with the dating arena being like it is today, quite a few commitment seeking guys really may not try that hard to pursue.
They have had their fair share of disappointments as well.
In YOUR mind, is "settling down" the same thing as "getting married"? Can someone "settle down" without being married?
I'm not sure this question is relevant as I have never said I am searching for a husband. If I were in a relationship which developed into a marriage that's fine, but if it doesn't that's fine too. I fail to see why you are turning it into a black or white issue.
It's only relevant in defining what you meant by the term. That's all.
Some women expect marriage, when a guy might merely offer long-term commitment. That's why I asked.
Question answered--thank you.
Kramer you better "move along" before you get yelled at too.
I think we've uncovered what the real problem is and it isn't those 45-50 year old men.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I thought this was an open discussion not moderated by the OP, but I guess I was wrong. Silly me.
