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I've been talking lately to this really great guy (and no he has not asked me out yet - read my other post about the guy who has STILL not asked me out). He's smart, funny, honest, accomplished, humble, creative on and on. This guy is the man of my dreams. I have known him since middle school, so we have history and we seem to have a lot in common. But there is a very big problem - he is extremely guarded. After we got back in contact I asked him what he did for work - it took him months to tell me. Each time I asked him he would joke it off. He has a very good job, and I assume makes good money, so I don't understand why he would not just say it. The only way I can make sense of it is that he doesn't want me to like him just because of his money, or his success and wants to see if I like him for who he is. He also played football for a very big school in college, and mentioned to me that he would stop dating girls who he felt dated him only for that.
I get why he's like that. He wants someone to like him for who he is. But when I was talking to him today he wouldn't even tell me what book he was reading! He said maybe he would tell me later ... what ? What book could he possibly be reading that he would not want to tell me about? Is he that afraid of me judging him?
I really like him. But at the pace this is going I'll be dead and buried before anything progresses between us. He's always been shy. So I should have known what to expect. But I thought he would have outgrown that by now.
I like him a lot, and I want to know more about him. I don't know what to do. He's the only guy I like right now but if someone else comes along, I may have to move on.
I've been talking lately to this really great guy (and no he has not asked me out yet - read my other post about the guy who has STILL not asked me out). He's smart, funny, honest, accomplished, humble, creative on and on. This guy is the man of my dreams. I have known him since middle school, so we have history and we seem to have a lot in common. But there is a very big problem - he is extremely guarded. After we got back in contact I asked him what he did for work - it took him months to tell me. Each time I asked him he would joke it off. He has a very good job, and I assume makes good money, so I don't understand why he would not just say it. The only way I can make sense of it is that he doesn't want me to like him just because of his money, or his success and wants to see if I like him for who he is. He also played football for a very big school in college, and mentioned to me that he would stop dating girls who he felt dated him only for that.
I get why he's like that. He wants someone to like him for who he is. But when I was talking to him today he wouldn't even tell me what book he was reading! He said maybe he would tell me later ... what ? What book could he possibly be reading that he would not want to tell me about? Is he that afraid of me judging him?
I really like him. But at the pace this is going I'll be dead and buried before anything progresses between us. He's always been shy. So I should have known what to expect. But I thought he would have outgrown that by now.
I like him a lot, and I want to know more about him. I don't know what to do. He's the only guy I like right now but if someone else comes along, I may have to move on.
Any advice?
So he's shy....he doesn't have to answer everything right now...play the game girl...he doesn't tell you the book he's reading...say fine and have a good come back. Like" Well I won't tell you if I'm wearing underwear or not." Or I had a surprise for you, but now I'm keeping it to myself.
Is he this guarded about where he lives, who his friends are, where his family lives, what he does in his spare time? Do you see him in his world or do you only see him when he comes into your world? What are the circumstances of when and where you meet him? How old are both of you now? Something just isn't adding up here.
So he's shy....he doesn't have to answer everything right now...play the game girl...he doesn't tell you the book he's reading...say fine and have a good come back. Like" Well I won't tell you if I'm wearing underwear or not." Or I had a surprise for you, but now I'm keeping it to myself.
Lol, good advice Raena . But I feel its kind of unfair because I tell him about myself. I at least tell him what books I read. If he wants to judge me, he can judge. But he's not really doing the same in return. He's just starting to tell me more about his life and its been months. I've never met someone so guarded.
But in a way, its what I like about him as well. He's very humble. He's not conceited or arrogant at all, although most men in his position would be. I guess its just going to require a good deal of patience on my part.
Is he this guarded about where he lives, who his friends are, where his family lives, what he does in his spare time? Do you see him in his world or do you only see him when he comes into your world? What are the circumstances of when and where you meet him? How old are both of you now? Something just isn't adding up here.
Well, I know where he lives - we live in the same city. And I know what he does in his spare time more or less. He has a child, he spends time with friends, etc. I met him in middle school, and we also went to high school together. We had a lot of friends in common in high school, and he even dated my best friend. We're in our twenties.
There's nothing suspicious about him, he's just very shy and guarded. In fact when we were younger, he was so shy around me that he barely spoke. I think deep down its because he's afraid of being judged, and not being accepted. I was shy up until I was about 13 so I know how it is. I'm also guarded about some aspects of my life myself, but I try to be open most of the time.
I know he's not perfect. I'm not either. But I want to get to know him, and its just frustrating.
I agree, knowing what someone does for a living is a common question amoung ppl whether there dating or friends.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cunucu Beach
Is he this guarded about where he lives, who his friends are, where his family lives, what he does in his spare time? Do you see him in his world or do you only see him when he comes into your world? What are the circumstances of when and where you meet him? How old are both of you now? Something just isn't adding up here.
Lol, good advice Raena . But I feel its kind of unfair because I tell him about myself. I at least tell him what books I read. If he wants to judge me, he can judge. But he's not really doing the same in return. He's just starting to tell me more about his life and its been months. I've never met someone so guarded.
But in a way, its what I like about him as well. He's very humble. He's not conceited or arrogant at all, although most men in his position would be. I guess its just going to require a good deal of patience on my part.
Yep only time can tell. Smack him on the butt. And when he asks "What was that for?" Tell him I ain't telling. lmao.
Well, I know where he lives - we live in the same city. And I know what he does in his spare time more or less. He has a child, he spends time with friends, etc. I met him in middle school, and we also went to high school together. We had a lot of friends in common in high school, and he even dated my best friend. We're in our twenties.
There's nothing suspicious about him, he's just very shy and guarded. In fact when we were younger, he was so shy around me that he barely spoke. I think deep down its because he's afraid of being judged, and not being accepted. I was shy up until I was about 13 so I know how it is. I'm also guarded about some aspects of my life myself, but I try to be open most of the time.
I know he's not perfect. I'm not either. But I want to get to know him, and its just frustrating.
OK, I'll take you at your word that he is just very shy and is uncomfortable around women and in the dating arena. It's just that when a man is being secretive about his life and won't reveal much about it, I tend to think he is married or is seeing someone else and is trying to have a little something extra "on the side". But if you are comfortable that there isn't anyone else in his life and that everything about him is on the up-and-up, I'd say just play it cool, take it easy and keep things light and enjoyable. He is the one setting the rules of the game and you have no choice but to play it his way. Good luck.
I can understand guarding personal information - but making you chase him for the name of a book? Give me a break.
Something's wrong with him. My opinion of course.
I agree. He is playing with her head. I don't like this silly stuff. It's not high school.
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? What book could he possibly be reading that he would not want to tell me about? Is he that afraid of me judging him? 
. But I feel its kind of unfair because I tell him about myself. I at least tell him what books I read. If he wants to judge me, he can judge. But he's not really doing the same in return. He's just starting to tell me more about his life and its been months. I've never met someone so guarded. 
