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My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years now. We were in a long distance relationship for the first 2 years. After that, i moved from NY to VA to be with him. I dropped everything for him. My friends, family, school.. everything.
Anyway, after i moved here, i found out alot of stuff I didnt know, stuff he lied about to me, for over 2 yrs, to my face. Even after i confronted him, he still lied. & lied. Until i had to sit down with him for hours and pull it out of him. (im sure hes still lying bout stuff to this day btw).
So i found out that most of his female friends, he has slept with & some had relationships with. But the sex is the main thing.
Now im in the position where it reallyyy bothers me that he's still friends with them, talks to them, flirts with them... etc. It wouldnt be such a big deal if he hadnt slept with them.
I know it was before me though and it shouldnt matter, but he LIED bout it.
So every time they talk and especially see eachother, i think "wow, hes seen her naked, shes seen him naked, they had sex, and they could both be thinking about those days when they were intimate."
Its not a low-self-esteem thing either, its just that it simply bothers me alot knowing esp the fact that the girls have seen him and been with him.
I cant stress it enough!
I know its kind of selfish of me to think that way but it REALLY bothers me.
Im not sure what to do or how to change my way of thinking.
Any advice? Please, somebody!
Seriously? This is real problem in your life? I'm just thinking maybe you need a hobby or something
Bottom line, he had them, he chose you - you are obviously the one he wants - the end.
No, he should not have lied - if he did. Sounds to me more of a case of he just didn't volunteer all the info on his sexual past. Some people believe those details are private and don't need to be discussed. Or maybe he knew you well enough to know that you would overreact and he just didn't feel like dealing with the drama?
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years now. We were in a long distance relationship for the first 2 years. After that, i moved from NY to VA to be with him. I dropped everything for him. My friends, family, school.. everything.
Anyway, after i moved here, i found out alot of stuff I didnt know, stuff he lied about to me, for over 2 yrs, to my face. Even after i confronted him, he still lied. & lied. Until i had to sit down with him for hours and pull it out of him. (im sure hes still lying bout stuff to this day btw).
So i found out that most of his female friends, he has slept with & some had relationships with. But the sex is the main thing.
Now im in the position where it reallyyy bothers me that he's still friends with them, talks to them, flirts with them... etc. It wouldnt be such a big deal if he hadnt slept with them.
I know it was before me though and it shouldnt matter, but he LIED bout it.
So every time they talk and especially see eachother, i think "wow, hes seen her naked, shes seen him naked, they had sex, and they could both be thinking about those days when they were intimate."
Its not a low-self-esteem thing either, its just that it simply bothers me alot knowing esp the fact that the girls have seen him and been with him.
I cant stress it enough!
I know its kind of selfish of me to think that way but it REALLY bothers me.
Im not sure what to do or how to change my way of thinking.
Any advice? Please, somebody![/quote]
Yes, immediately work on moving back. Your insecurities will kill this relationship. No reason to drop your entire life for this.
Once a liar always a liar. The reason I say that, if he lies to your face about stuff in the past, what makes you think he will be honest now? Just my opinion, I would dump him.
My suggestion: as you can see from this schedule, a bus departs from Richmond, VA to New York City at 7:30 am every day. Or, if you like the rails, Amtrak has multiple trains per day from Virginia to New York City.
Pack your bags and leave that lying sack of sh*t behind.
So every time they talk and especially see eachother, i think "wow, hes seen her naked, shes seen him naked, they had sex, and they could both be thinking about those days when they were intimate."
Its not a low-self-esteem thing either, its just that it simply bothers me alot knowing esp the fact that the girls have seen him and been with him.
I cant stress it enough!
I know its kind of selfish of me to think that way but it REALLY bothers me.
Im not sure what to do or how to change my way of thinking.
Any advice? Please, somebody!
I'm inclined to agree with those who suggest that you move back to NY.
However, did he tell you why he lied?
Believe me, I'm not excusing dishonesty. I couldn't stay with someone who lied to me about that kind of thing, myself.
BUT, the way you are thinking up all of these scenarios in your head (like the one I quoted above) makes me wonder if he picked up on your insecurity and lied either to spare your feelings or just plain not have to deal with the way you're reacting now.
How can I say this gently? The fact is that no matter who you end up with, chances are pretty high that the man will have been with other women before you. It's generally a good thing when a man stays on good terms with his exes. It means a) that he is grown up enough to handle a break-up, b) he doesn't have a taste for psychos, and c) he is basically a good guy since women still want to be friends with him after he broke their hearts/he can forgive them after breaking his.
So, even if this relationship doesn't work out because of your current guy's lying, you might want to file what I've said away for future reference. You may very well find yourself in another situation where a man introduces you to a friend he used to date.
Last edited by Yzette; 04-26-2010 at 10:19 PM..
Reason: I can haz grammar?
Believe me, I'm not excusing dishonesty. I couldn't stay with someone who lied to me about that kind of thing, myself.
BUT, the way you are thinking up all of these scenarios in your head (like the one I quoted above) makes me wonder if he picked up on your insecurity and lied either to spare your feelings or just plain not have to deal with the way you're reacting now.
That's why I asked if it was a lie of omission (he just never bothered to mention it) or if she asked point-blank whether they'd slept together and he said "no". If it was a lie of omission, while he still shouldn't have done it I'd give him a little more leeway. If he could tell that it would bother her this much, I don't half blame him for "forgetting" to bring it up. It happened before they were together (if I'm reading her right), and it's the sort of thing that a good number of girls would get upset about, so I can see where a guy would just not want to deal with it.
If this guy is really the habitual liar you paint him as, I would be making plans to get him out of my life. There are people who would rather lie than tell the truth and IMO this is the core issue, not the fact that he is still friends with his former girlfriends. You already know you can't believe a word he says.....about anything. Habitual lying is not to be taken lightly.
Google "compulsive liar".
This ^^^
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