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My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years now. We were in a long distance relationship for the first 2 years. After that, i moved from NY to VA to be with him. I dropped everything for him. My friends, family, school.. everything.
Anyway, after i moved here, i found out alot of stuff I didnt know, stuff he lied about to me, for over 2 yrs, to my face. Even after i confronted him, he still lied. & lied. Until i had to sit down with him for hours and pull it out of him. (im sure hes still lying bout stuff to this day btw).
So i found out that most of his female friends, he has slept with & some had relationships with. But the sex is the main thing.
Now im in the position where it reallyyy bothers me that he's still friends with them, talks to them, flirts with them... etc. It wouldnt be such a big deal if he hadnt slept with them.
I know it was before me though and it shouldnt matter, but he LIED bout it.
So every time they talk and especially see eachother, i think "wow, hes seen her naked, shes seen him naked, they had sex, and they could both be thinking about those days when they were intimate."
Its not a low-self-esteem thing either, its just that it simply bothers me alot knowing esp the fact that the girls have seen him and been with him.
I cant stress it enough!
I know its kind of selfish of me to think that way but it REALLY bothers me.
Im not sure what to do or how to change my way of thinking.
Well, with all of these women at his disposal he could have had any one of them but he chose YOU. He chose you over them.
I don't see in your post just exactly when or what he lied about. Not telling you of his sexual dalliances prior to you is not a lie.
As far as the images of the way you think they see each other naked together - you need to stop that it will drive you insane for the rest of your life. It's simply not true that people who have slept together are thinking gee I saw you naked all the time.
i dont think you should give up being bothered by it! if it bothers you, it bothers you! but the question is can you over come it? and should you have to overcome it?
if you feel these things, if he lied to you etc, why are you still with him?
is it because you put these years in and feel you must continue? is it because you moved from everything you knew to be with him? what if you miss out on a better match?
you are there now, and you can either stay or go. but the fact is that these things are not easily forgotten and in years to come, they will STILL come out if you choose to stay together. maybe its time to go onto someone else.
i think this is the biggest problem people have--knowing when to quit.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years now. We were in a long distance relationship for the first 2 years. After that, i moved from NY to VA to be with him. I dropped everything for him. My friends, family, school.. everything.
Anyway, after i moved here, i found out alot of stuff I didnt know, stuff he lied about to me, for over 2 yrs, to my face. Even after i confronted him, he still lied. & lied. Until i had to sit down with him for hours and pull it out of him. (im sure hes still lying bout stuff to this day btw).
So i found out that most of his female friends, he has slept with & some had relationships with. But the sex is the main thing.
Now im in the position where it reallyyy bothers me that he's still friends with them, talks to them, flirts with them... etc. It wouldnt be such a big deal if he hadnt slept with them.
I know it was before me though and it shouldnt matter, but he LIED bout it.
So every time they talk and especially see eachother, i think "wow, hes seen her naked, shes seen him naked, they had sex, and they could both be thinking about those days when they were intimate."
Its not a low-self-esteem thing either, its just that it simply bothers me alot knowing esp the fact that the girls have seen him and been with him.
I cant stress it enough!
I know its kind of selfish of me to think that way but it REALLY bothers me.
Im not sure what to do or how to change my way of thinking.
I'm with Thursday in that we don't all think about the gory details of their sex lives before us. If this is something you are obsessing over, it's not healthy.
I do understand how you feel about being lied to. It's not so much that you are entitled to know about all his past sexcapades, but I would have a problem with all of his female friends being people he slept with. Of course, you can't know any of this without him telling you.
The lying is a problem. I'd sooner tell someone that it's none of their business and I'll share what I want to when I am ready, if I want to.
If this guy is really the habitual liar you paint him as, I would be making plans to get him out of my life. There are people who would rather lie than tell the truth and IMO this is the core issue, not the fact that he is still friends with his former girlfriends. You already know you can't believe a word he says.....about anything. Habitual lying is not to be taken lightly.
If this guy is really the habitual liar you paint him as, I would be making plans to get him out of my life. There are people who would rather lie than tell the truth and IMO this is the core issue, not the fact that he is still friends with his former girlfriends. You already know you can't believe a word he says.....about anything. Habitual lying is not to be taken lightly.
If this guy is really the habitual liar you paint him as, I would be making plans to get him out of my life. There are people who would rather lie than tell the truth and IMO this is the core issue, not the fact that he is still friends with his former girlfriends. You already know you can't believe a word he says.....about anything. Habitual lying is not to be taken lightly.
Google "compulsive liar".
Agreed. You can never trust a liar - it seems obvious but you have to really spend some time with people who lie to understand what I'm saying. They feel little remorse over being deceitful. Their first priority over your feelings is not getting caught.
Just a question about his lies: was it a lie of omission or did you ask whether he'd slept with his female friends and he said "no"?
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