Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I thought the article was interesting...there are so many things that factor into how online dating "works" that it's impossible to fully explain (I would imagine).
Online dating clearly favors women (unless they are unfortunately bad looking women): Men see a 2-dimensional picture of a hot or decently good looking female and that's all he needs. This is just the way men shop for women...looks are king.
Online dating cleary dis-favors men: A good part of what makes a man attractive to women doesn't make it through a 2-dimensional picture for her to see. Women are much more contextual when theyre trying to decide if a dude is "hot" or not (ie; his income, how he interacts with other males, mannerisms, etc.). Looks are part of too of course. But the bottom line is that if you're a guy, nomatter how attractive, you're much better off persuing women in person or doing a speed dating thing so they can see you in "3D"
Why are you limiting yourself to gals 2-8 years younger than you? And then complaining that they want someone never married?
What's wrong with dating gals +/- a few years of you?
For a simple answer, I'd like to have children one day. Probably two. And I won't be having kids until I know a woman for at least a couple of years. And before people jump down my throat, I am fully aware that 35 year old women are capable of having kids. I just prefer someone younger for obvious reasons. I would not rule out a youthful 34 year old if she was a good match.
I thought the article was interesting...there are so many things that factor into how online dating "works" that it's impossible to fully explain (I would imagine).
Online dating clearly favors women (unless they are unfortunately bad looking women): Men see a 2-dimensional picture of a hot or decently good looking female and that's all he needs. This is just the way men shop for women...looks are king.
Online dating cleary dis-favors men: A good part of what makes a man attractive to women doesn't make it through a 2-dimensional picture for her to see. Women are much more contextual when theyre trying to decide if a dude is "hot" or not (ie; his income, how he interacts with other males, mannerisms, etc.). Looks are part of too of course. But the bottom line is that if you're a guy, nomatter how attractive, you're much better off persuing women in person or doing a speed dating thing so they can see you in "3D"
The point is that it just makes dating harder for women, especially since it takes them longer to determine if they like the guy they're dating.
No. It doesn't "take them longer". Men and women BOTH need time to learn about the other person. Do you really thing that a man, when he asks out a woman, has already decided that she is the one for him? Uh uh. No. What you aren't getting is that this is exactly the purpose of dating in the first place. To LEARN about the other person and find out if you are compatible. You can't do that in just a handful of dates. Yes, sometimes it happens and you get lucky right off the bat (I did with my current BF)...but that is RARE. Most often each person needs quite a bit of time to figure out if things really can mesh. My last fella - it took me 6 months to realize that I just wasn't going to fall for him...ever. So I walked. Sometimes you know immediately, and sometimes, it just takes time.
For a simple answer, I'd like to have children one day. Probably two. And I won't be having kids until I know a woman for at least a couple of years. And before people jump down my throat, I am fully aware that 35 year old women are capable of having kids. I just prefer someone younger for obvious reasons. I would not rule out a youthful 34 year old if she was a good match.
Also, most people tell me I look about 30.
Ok, that makes perfect sense then given the kid factor.
MY wife was 30 when we met and 32 when we got married and we had to start right away since the risk factors go up at 35+.
Every woman that contacted me asked me a question that was clearly stated in my little profile essay thingy: What is your name, what do you do, what do you like to do for fun?
I only use online dating for dating. If you want something serious, I would do something else.
I disagree. Most people lead pretty busy lives which makes it hard to find time to meet people and get to know them better. Online dating expands the pool of people you could potentially meet. It also makes it easier to filter people out. Suppose you're looking for someone who wants a serious relationship, who's Catholic, between 25 and 35, and doesn't have kids. For every person you meet in the offline world, you wouldn't ask them immediately what kind of relationship they're looking for, what religion they are, how old they are, and whether they have kids. You'd have to take the time to get to know them and then learn what the answers are. Now multiply that 100 times and you see that's a lot of time spent trying to figure out if someone is even compatible with you. At least if you go online, you can look at 100 people and filter out the ones that don't fit the bill in just a matter of seconds. That's a huge convenience for busy people.
Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanAdventurer
A good part of what makes a man attractive to women doesn't make it through a 2-dimensional picture for her to see. Women are much more contextual when theyre trying to decide if a dude is "hot" or not (ie; his income, how he interacts with other males, mannerisms, etc.). Looks are part of too of course. But the bottom line is that if you're a guy, nomatter how attractive, you're much better off persuing women in person or doing a speed dating thing so they can see you in "3D"
I disagree with this as well. First of all, you, like the OP, are assuming that women will automatically dismiss a guy who she doesn't find attractive. But you just said that women are more contextual and don't just go on looks. If you know this, then you don't think women know this about themselves as well? I've known plenty of women who've done online dating that looked at a profile and said, "well he's not that attractive, but I really liked what he had to say and we have a lot in common so I'll chat with him a while and see where it goes." And since you say context matters, that could actually work against you in speed dating. With that, you don't have a lot of time to make a good first impression. You could be nervous, you might be the kind of person who takes time to open up, etc. Dating is a lot like jobhunting. You'll have more success if you employ multiple methods. That's why I think online dating makes a good supplement to more traditional methods of meeting someone. You can have a profile online and still go out to parties, bars, church, etc.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom
Men and women BOTH need time to learn about the other person. Do you really thing that a man, when he asks out a woman, has already decided that she is the one for him? Uh uh. No. What you aren't getting is that this is exactly the purpose of dating in the first place. To LEARN about the other person and find out if you are compatible. You can't do that in just a handful of dates.
Exactly. I'll never understand why people are so quick to say one gender is so much different than the other. The bottom line with dating is that, depending on what kind of relationship you're looking for, you need time to learn whatever it is you need to know about someone in order to decide if you want to pursue anything. There are definitely people out there who are quick to rule people out. But I don't see that happening along gender lines. It seems more based on personality than anything else.
I disagree with this as well. First of all, you, like the OP, are assuming that women will automatically dismiss a guy who she doesn't find attractive. But you just said that women are more contextual and don't just go on looks. If you know this, then you don't think women know this about themselves as well?
My point was that looks are weighted less heavily by women than they are by men, and looks (pictures) are what all people look at first when they're on match.com or whatever. A woman can look at a picture of a really hot dude and think "well, he's probably a concieted jerk". Then she could look at a normal looking dude and think "well, I dont know..". Which is totally true...she doesn't know because women rely on other means of determining if a guy is attractive to her or not, which is better ascertained by face to face interaction.
As a guy it's much more difficult to prove that you're "attractive" over the internet than it is for women.
looking for a mate online is like appling for jobs online.
judging by the high turnover its not a good hiring practice.
Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 04-29-2010 at 10:28 AM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
