How do I stop feeling like a rebound girl? (dating, boyfriend, woman)
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This is my first post here. sorry for the long post and thanks in advance for reading it.
I’ve been dating this guy for about 2 months now. Here is a little bit of background. He was my class mate when I was 16 back in our country. About 2 years ago, he was in Jamaica and I’m the States, he saw me on facebook and added me. We started chatting, he said he likes me. There was another girl in the picture as well. He claimed that she was his childhood crush. When we met again, he asked her out and he was waiting for her to say yes. Then they started dating and we stopped talking. He and his ex broke up because she cheated on him when she visits Australia for 3 months. She was living back in my country while they were dating. So basically they dated for a year but then they met each other for about 6 days only. Lol.
He moved to the States beginning of this year. We didn’t keep in touch until 3 months ago until after I moved to a town about 40 minutes away from where he lives. Now that we’re dating. He said he loves me after a month. I didn’t say I love you until couples of week after he did. He’s a very caring and romantic boyfriend. He cooks for me. He try to remember things I like and I don’t. He even changed the way he dress because I’ve mentioned I like it when boys wear hoodies.
About two weeks ago, I asked him if I can see my other pictures on his phone and he said I couldn’t. I was ok with that, then after couple of hours later, he confronted and said I didn’t let you go through pictures on my phone because I still have me and my ex’es pictures on my phone. You can see them if you want to. I was like no, I don’t want to. Then he kinda pushed me to look at them and turns out one of the pictures was his ex’s recent picture which he saved from her facebook. He claimed that he and his friend were talking about comments under her picture and he needed show his friend which picture it was.
While I was trying to get over it, he was showing me his friend’s pictures on his facebook and I saw one post which was hidden from me. I asked him why and he lied and said I made it private unintentionally. Then he admitted, I was feeling that you didn’t love me as much as I love you, so I posted that song ( I can’t make you love me by Adele )because it fits my mood lately but I didn’t want to hurt your feeling, so I hid it from you. Then he begged and almost cried because he thought that I was gonna break up with him but I didn’t. On the same day, he unfriended all of his ex-es from his facebook , deleted phone numbers from his phone as well and said I don’t want any of my ex-es causing any doubts in our relationship.
Now I’m left feeling paranoid. I can’t stop feeling like I’m the rebound girl after those incidents. I told him recently that I’m very paranoid these days and trying to get over what happened and asked him to help me in the process. He tried to call me, text me regularly after that I think to make me feel safe but I still can’t get over it. How can I stop feeling that way? Please help.
The only way to quit feeling like the rebound girl is to QUIT BEING THE REBOUND GIRL. If you are unsure of any part of your sort of relationship with this guy then you need to just break it off and move on. There is no reason he cannot keep photos of his ex's or any other friends on his phone or his facebook, there were a part of his life and if the fact that he has those photos makes you jealous or paranoid you need to get over that quickly. They are photos, rememberances of his past, the past that we all as humans tend to have.
It sounds to me like you both are not ready for a real relationship yet and you both need to mature and grow up before you try again with anyone let alone each other.
This is my first post here. sorry for the long post and thanks in advance for reading it.
I’ve been dating this guy for about 2 months now. Here is a little bit of background. He was my class mate when I was 16 back in our country. About 2 years ago, he was in Jamaica and I’m the States, he saw me on facebook and added me. We started chatting, he said he likes me. There was another girl in the picture as well. He claimed that she was his childhood crush. When we met again, he asked her out and he was waiting for her to say yes. Then they started dating and we stopped talking. He and his ex broke up because she cheated on him when she visits Australia for 3 months. She was living back in my country while they were dating. So basically they dated for a year but then they met each other for about 6 days only. Lol.
He moved to the States beginning of this year. We didn’t keep in touch until 3 months ago until after I moved to a town about 40 minutes away from where he lives. Now that we’re dating. He said he loves me after a month. I didn’t say I love you until couples of week after he did. He’s a very caring and romantic boyfriend. He cooks for me. He try to remember things I like and I don’t. He even changed the way he dress because I’ve mentioned I like it when boys wear hoodies.
About two weeks ago, I asked him if I can see my other pictures on his phone and he said I couldn’t. I was ok with that, then after couple of hours later, he confronted and said I didn’t let you go through pictures on my phone because I still have me and my ex’es pictures on my phone. You can see them if you want to. I was like no, I don’t want to. Then he kinda pushed me to look at them and turns out one of the pictures was his ex’s recent picture which he saved from her facebook. He claimed that he and his friend were talking about comments under her picture and he needed show his friend which picture it was.
While I was trying to get over it, he was showing me his friend’s pictures on his facebook and I saw one post which was hidden from me. I asked him why and he lied and said I made it private unintentionally. Then he admitted, I was feeling that you didn’t love me as much as I love you, so I posted that song ( I can’t make you love me by Adele )because it fits my mood lately but I didn’t want to hurt your feeling, so I hid it from you. Then he begged and almost criedbecause he thought that I was gonna break up with him but I didn’t. On the same day, he unfriended all of his ex-es from his facebook , deleted phone numbers from his phone as well and said I don’t want any of my ex-es causing any doubts in our relationship.
Now I’m left feeling paranoid. I can’t stop feeling like I’m the rebound girl after those incidents. I told him recently that I’m very paranoid these days and trying to get over what happened and asked him to help me in the process. He tried to call me, text me regularly after that I think to make me feel safe but I still can’t get over it. How can I stop feeling that way? Please help.
The part highlighted in green sounds like total B.S. Way to deflect his own actions.
His crying isn't indicative of the level of "love and Respect" he has for you. I've had BFs cry for very superficial reasons. It's really just an act.
The part highlighted in purple? Sure. If he truly was over his ex's and wanted zero interference, dude buddy could at least change his number. Then again, his deleting their digits he can still easily have access through phone bills or has it written down elsewhere, saved under an anonymous name.. several possibilities that boils down to the very same problem- you can't trust him because you feel like his rebound.
I don't think you are paranoid. Maybe he is somewhat trying to take it serious with you, but it seems as though he's probably just not a very loyal person. Not that he doesn't care about you. Some guys will have that woman they care about and will still want to see if they can get some action elsewhere. Sorry so blunt.
Just sayin.' It's really about what you want and what you're willing to take. Some ladies are okay with this behavior and learn to accept that this is just part of who the guy is, and work on themselves or the relationship as a result. Depends on what you want. What he presents is either good enough for you or a work in progress, maybe totally is not.
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