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Every time I'm with a group of people at parties, luncheons, dinners, banquets and other group settings, I try to be social with people and join a conversation, but more often than not, I always end up the quiet one.
I go up to one person or a group of people and we have a conversation, only for it to end so quickly. It's like people reject me after such a very short time. This has happened to me many times.
When I'm in a group of people and we're having a conversation, I try to join in, but sometimes when I say something, no one listens or others ignore me. Sometimes when I join in, they'll listen and maybe respond. I listen to the conversation and try to come up with what to say, but most people seem to keep me shut out.
This also happens with family gatherings.
I've joined Meetup groups, and nothing has helped. Also, being a soon-to-be college graduate, I've been involved in on-campus clubs and organizations.
I've tried hard, but I also keep encouraging myself not to give up. I'm tired of always being the quiet one.
Seems like you are on the right road.
Putting yourself in more social situations is a key factor.
It may also be wise to relax a bit and not worry about if you do not slide into socializing easily all the time.
It is a process.
Keep trying and eventually you will be able to converse and join conversations way more easily.
I would aggree that you need to relax. If your too conscientious people might pick up on it and get a weird vibe. You need to listen and when you have something meaningful to say, say it and project it, especially if its funny. But i would keep it short. Say your peace and wait for a response. And dont be too aggreeable, otherwise their is nothing to add on to what you said and your comment goes unnoticed. If you disaggree with something someone says you can get a lot of attention. "What?! Thats dumb, i disaggree." Do it in a half joking sort of way but it will demand attention.
That's just the way you are. At my job we were required to go to a corporate meeting at this hotel conference room. I got there early (as usual) and sat and waiting for the time for the meeting to begin. As time went by and people started arriving, I was by myself, seating alone while everybody gathered in groups I was the only one away from it all.
I just felt at peace being by myself.
I have a suggestion. Try something like Toastmasters and hone your public speaking skills that way, after a while you'll feel more comfortable speaking in a group setting. I think part of the problem is that you are nervous when speaking to these people and you may think you're engaging them but your not.
Another thing you can try is speed dating. Not for a date, but here's what happens when you try speed dating. The first few people who talk to you will be nervous and awkward, but by the time you've reached the tenth or fifteenth person, you'll feel much more comfortable talking to new people and it will become much easier to approach someone and start up some banter.
Every time I'm with a group of people at parties, luncheons, dinners, banquets and other group settings, I try to be social with people and join a conversation, but more often than not, I always end up the quiet one.
I go up to one person or a group of people and we have a conversation, only for it to end so quickly. It's like people reject me after such a very short time. This has happened to me many times.
When I'm in a group of people and we're having a conversation, I try to join in, but sometimes when I say something, no one listens or others ignore me. Sometimes when I join in, they'll listen and maybe respond. I listen to the conversation and try to come up with what to say, but most people seem to keep me shut out.
This also happens with family gatherings.
I've joined Meetup groups, and nothing has helped. Also, being a soon-to-be college graduate, I've been involved in on-campus clubs and organizations.
I've tried hard, but I also keep encouraging myself not to give up. I'm tired of always being the quiet one.
If you are of this type, I would suggest just getting used to being a lone wolf most of the time. You are on the other side of the Average curve.
The situation is your thinking and thus conversation is too advanced for the group of people you are with. You can alleviate this some by learning to adopt the pattern that others are using in the conversation. ie. Listen for a bit and then by keeping it simple at first, add a note of agreement to what someone just said. Try to not fall into lecturing (sorta what I am now doing, a killer of even back and forth written communication). Also people love a good listener, so when someone is talking learn to interject head nods, smiles, frowns small things like "Well I"ll be, "wow", "thats interesting" and other minor conversational oil.
You also will have to get used to the fact anytime you try to take the conversation to a more advanced level people will break off the talk quickly. You will find there are a some people you can have extended socializing with without doing that. These folks are rare so enjoy them when you can get together.
Your problem is identifiable, and very easy to fix. You think about it too much. The day that you don't care about being the quiet one, is the day that people will want to talk to you.
Back when I was in high school I was similar to you, in that I would try to talk to everyone, and no one seemed to want to talk to me. I have since learned that if you just don't care about who talks to you, people will be more curious, and will engage you in conversation better.
Also, a BIG warning. Don't go and try to engage in a conversation that honestly doesn't interest you. Or if you are in a conversation where your opinion on whatever they are talking about is different than everyone else's, let it be known.
An example:
I find Pro football to be EXTREMELY boring (college football I enjoy sometimes). I can't stand any aspect of the game. Despite this, back in high school, I would try perfusly(sp?) to engage my other male peers in conversation about football, because that is what they liked to talk about. I would make up stories, or pretend like a watched last weeks game just so that I could be a part of what they are talking about. WRONG MOVE! They always catch on to that type of behavior, and it just hurts your chances of being talked to more.
These days, I don't care one bit about my peers knowing that I don't watch football. My social life expanded exponentially when I stopped caring if people spoke to me or not.
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