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Unless you have significant problems that require professional help, I think it would be far better to seek out some good (and that's a slippery concept!) books on relationships, read them, and discuss them together. Putting your thoughts and values out for each other is going to highlight the similarities and differences, and get you talking about them. Communication is key!
We've done that, and it certainly clarified a lot of issues and opinions for us, and prevented some stupid misunderstandings.
Unless you have significant problems that require professional help, I think it would be far better to seek out some good (and that's a slippery concept!) books on relationships, read them, and discuss them together. Putting your thoughts and values out for each other is going to highlight the similarities and differences, and get you talking about them. Communication is key!
We've done that, and it certainly clarified a lot of issues and opinions for us, and prevented some stupid misunderstandings.
We are going to counseling, and soon... Or else IT just MIGHT happen.
I love my SO... but she has decided that arousal isn't important, especially [bleep]. In her mind, I should just go ahead and turn myself on and apply it to her afterwards.
It may be because she doesn't recall how we were in our younger days, or that she doesn't have the energy left. Maybe it is her body-self-image (We could BOTH lose a lot of weight.) Either way it is death to our sex-life.
Granted, she has been in school and working part-time, but she has forgotten her place in our relationship - It isn't just a one-way street. BTW, I also worked full-time and went to school full-time for several years while she was a stay at-home mom. (This was between deployments in the USN.)
I am going to be happy, one way or the other... I refuse to just sit idly by and let the far-end of my life arrive: They will have to carry me out of this world kicking and screaming because I am not going out without a fight! To that end, I have joined Gold's Gym, and have an agenda to recover the body I let go years ago, (before we slipped into the coma of complacency.)
In the mean time, I am not the affair type, but am starting to arrive at the conclusion that she couldn't care less. Sure there would be jealousy, but there won't be any attempt at "Damage Control" before it happens. Only blame on me and/or self-recrimination afterwards.
I have no idea who. I don't want it all, but am growing more and more dissatisfied.
- I am not asking for acrobatics here, I am just asking for a good-faith joint effort to get us in shape and re-eroticize our marriage, (and to NEVER let it get back here again.)
Based on her reaction (or lack thereof), I am afraid that at some point I will slip and fall into an accidental screw-up with permanent damage to our marriage. She says she cares ("I'm sorry you are in so much pain.") but then isn't even remotely willing to do something as simple as a BJ to prove it (Oral sex is now "against her religion.") I have asked her to just go walk with me on a daily basis, but no ("Not enough time, not on a Sunday, too tired, etc.). Work out with me? No. Go figure. Yet "She cares"...
We have nothing in common.
Ergo: disaster.
Your thoughts? Criticisms, etc.?
Last edited by PJSaturn; 07-07-2015 at 12:07 PM..
Reason: Not PG-13.
I agree 100%. If my husband and I had gone to counseling when we were in a good place we wouldn't be separated and facing divorce after a 25 year marriage and 27 year relationship. Marriages just don't fall apart unexpectedly, the small offenses we brush under the rug from both parties build before you ever know there's a huge explosion. Then it is usually too late even if you think you have a strong bond and can endure anything with love.
I think I'd prefer a marriage retreat, as opposed to counseling. I consider myself to be in a good, strong marriage, but I can get behind the idea of fine tuning it I guess.
I knew someone once who was a marriage counselor and he told me that by the time the couple went to him the marriage was already in such bad shape that his job was almost impossible. The marriage counselor would have preferred that the couples would have come to him when their marriage was still basically strong but needed some fine tuning.
Have you been to a marriage counselor and would you consider going to one if your marriage was basically good? Or would you wait until there was serious problems?
A marriage is not a car.
Most of the time, you know if there's something wrong with a marriage. It's called a lack of honest communication. That marriage counselor is just trying to drum up business.
Failure rate for marriage counseling is 90%
Added note -the day the object of counseling ceases to be the man -is the day the counseling is terminated
I don't know why I bothered to check, but that's not what research says.
Anyway, no, I probably wouldn't go to counseling for that. There are cheaper ways to strengthen a solid relationship.
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We are going to counseling, and soon... Or else IT just MIGHT happen.
I don't know why I bothered to check, but that's not what research says.
