Good Marriage? Would you consider marriage counseling to make your marriage even stronger?

[Sonic_Spork]

I totally agree with what TaoistDude said like 6 years ago.

Books!

Both people read, then discuss.

My boyfriend and I do this. In an ironic twist, given the person I'm referencing, some of the books we have shared and discussed have been on the subject of Taoism as it relates to love, sex, and relationships.

I suspect that we have gained more happiness from the wisdom in books, than we'd have got from seeing some counselor.

[TabulaRasa]

Originally Posted by Tough Questions

I knew someone once who was a marriage counselor and he told me that by the time the couple went to him the marriage was already in such bad shape that his job was almost impossible. The marriage counselor would have preferred that the couples would have come to him when their marriage was still basically strong but needed some fine tuning.

Have you been to a marriage counselor and would you consider going to one if your marriage was basically good? Or would you wait until there was serious problems?

Absolutely.

But this doesn't happen, because "counseling" has a specific connotation, i. e. where you go once there is a problem. Unlike medical care, where preventative care/checkups are seen as healthy, beneficial, and the norm, the same approach is not taken with mental health, which is heavily intertwined with, of not at the root of, many issues that arise and break down relationships.

Things like couples retreats or workshops to help foster healthy communication, etc. are ways of working around the stigma of "counseling." Many spiritual denominations recognize this and do premarital counseling in this spirit.

But the big problem, yes, is that counseling is seen primarily as the last resort when you're at the end of the road, and have already checked out, i. e., too late for a Hail Mary.

[Stagemomma]

Originally Posted by Tough Questions

I knew someone once who was a marriage counselor and he told me that by the time the couple went to him the marriage was already in such bad shape that his job was almost impossible. The marriage counselor would have preferred that the couples would have come to him when their marriage was still basically strong but needed some fine tuning.

Have you been to a marriage counselor and would you consider going to one if your marriage was basically good? Or would you wait until there was serious problems?

My marriage was never strong. Many arent. Your scenario isn't realistic.

In the future, I would absolutely go to marriage counseling if I felt it would improve communication.

I've been dating a guy with issues from his marriage and I could see how, if we got serious, it would benefit US to go to counseling so I could communicate better with him. I feel I sometimes get dragged into his residual feelings and find myself mired in his baggage. I want to support his transition but it shouldn't be so much my responsibility.

[Huckleberry3911948]

marriage counseling
High failure rate stats available with MHS San Diego
Failure for this post is defined as divorce most counselors don’t see divorce as failure if the individual experiences improvement which is almost always the case leaving a marriage in trouble

The common thread is that she is not interested in fixing the marriage she is interested in fixing him which only a 50% fix hence the high failure rate

[Huckleberry3911948]

Note I am always concerned when people post “research says” I always post my source of info few do

[TabulaRasa]

Speaking from within the field of counseling, the ending of a marriage is not necessarily considered a failure of counseling or of the relationship. It's reality that not all relationships last, should last, or are long term. In some cases, successful counseling involves parting ways as healthily as possible.

As someone else said, marriage and family therapy isn't auto mechanics... it doesn't fix what's broken. It provides tools and strategies for healthily navigating relationships, even changing relationships.