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i am engaged and am about to get married in sept....my fiance has deppression and temper problems, and everything is always the end of the world...i treat her excellent, not just saying that but i do and she would tell you i do to...i have known about these problems before we got engaged, so its not an all of a sudden thing...in fact i posted on here once asking how do you know if it is time to call quits...we have a lot of plans ready for the wedding and i would kind of feel bad shutting them down, as i am one who wants to work on things, but i just dont know...im just happy go lucky, and she is sad, depressed, everything is wrong type thing...and she admits these things too, she doesnt always treat me great, its a hot and cold type situaton...im just not sure what to do, and any advice would be nice...maybe what kind of questions i need to ask myself...anyone experience this...i mean she really does love me, but just dont know....
I usually don't say things like this, but based on what you are describing, I STRONGLY advise you to cancel the wedding, break off the engagement and put about as much distance between yourself and that woman as you possibly can. Yes, you'll be the villain, but it's better than the alternative. In the alternative, you'll see your whole life drain away, and then there will be a messy divorce, and you'll be the villain anyway.
If your fiance has real depression -- as in, a condition that matches the criteria set forth in the DSM for a formal diagnosis -- she shouldn't be taking the radical step of getting married anyway. If it's just her personality (which it sounds like it is), you don't want to be tied to someone who has acid in her veins. A person like that will poison every day of your life. You'll end up tiptoeing around her, and every time you guys face some difficulty, you'll have the added burden of cuddling her "depression". Don't spend your life as a crutch. If you get married, it should be someone who can lift your spirits and make your life better -- a friend, a companion, someone who will treat you well and support you -- not a leech sucking the life out of you.
Break it off. Be the bad guy. Let people grumble for a while. Don't sacrifice your very life for the sake of maintaining your reputation.
Cancel the wedding. As difficult as it will be, a divorce is much harder, especially if there are children involved. You obviously have doubts, and when in doubt--don't. Her depression will only get worse as time goes on. This is not a way for you to live. Be the bad guy now and hopefully the happy guy later when you find that special person. You will know she's the one when you don't have to ask for this type of advice. Good luck.
If this is disturbing you enough that you're starting a thread about it on a relationships forum you're obviously thinking about it much of the time. I have to agree with the advice that's been given, it's not a very pleasant thing to contemplate but in the long run you'll be saving yourself a great deal of misery in the future if you just cancel this wedding now.
counsling!!!!!!! relationship counsling! is she treating her depression? if she's not, she should be and that will help. If she is, then she is not doing it regularly! talk things through! girls are hot and cold, i should kow. if you sit down and talk, it will help, but most deffinately, go seek proffesional help! for the BOTH of you! ♥
i am engaged and am about to get married in sept....my fiance has deppression and temper problems, and everything is always the end of the world...i treat her excellent, not just saying that but i do and she would tell you i do to...i have known about these problems before we got engaged, so its not an all of a sudden thing...in fact i posted on here once asking how do you know if it is time to call quits...we have a lot of plans ready for the wedding and i would kind of feel bad shutting them down, as i am one who wants to work on things, but i just dont know...im just happy go lucky, and she is sad, depressed, everything is wrong type thing...and she admits these things too, she doesnt always treat me great, its a hot and cold type situaton...im just not sure what to do, and any advice would be nice...maybe what kind of questions i need to ask myself...anyone experience this...i mean she really does love me, but just dont know....
Trust me.. you will be miserable .. I am currently in the same situation.. I thought I could change her frame of mind.. I cant do it.. now she has taken me from Happy go lucky... to constantly depressed. My next step is to put her out the door and put myself through counceling... hard step to take.. but I will.. it is something I have to do.. I wouldnt want anyone else to go through it..
The sky is always falling.. and nothing I say or do can change it...
You don't say if she is under a doctor's care for her moods. If she isn't, I think she should be. Something is definately wrong. Getting married, with it's responsibilites, etc could be the worse thing in the world for her. It would not be a magic cure.
I do think you need to explain to her that until she gets a handle on her behavior, you think it's best that you two call it quits as you don't seem to be helping her any. Take the blame that YOU don't think that you are the best choice for her, and that she might do much better with someone else. It could be that the strain of wondering if she is doing the right thing is tipping her over to the wrong side with her behavior.
One thing that you can count on is that as long as you stay with her, it will probably become worse. This is not a very nice future for either of you.
Agree wholeheartedly. Life is too short and, even though it seems right now that breaking off this relationship is a dauntingly formidable step to take, in a year or so you'll look back and thank your lucky stars that you got out of it. What's bad with the relationship now is only going to escalate one hundredfold if you marry.
You don't need to conjure up a million and one excuses to try and explain it to family and friends - just say that you've thought about it long and hard and that the relationship just wouldn't work. In fact you might eventually be surprised to learn that many of them were thinking the same thing!
Be a gentleman, cover whatever non-refundable costs have already been incurred but don't hesitate. She'll be hurt, angry, etc. but you're not a babysitter. You're entitled to a genuine mate not a care-taking position filled with coldness and depression. Good luck!
i am engaged and am about to get married in sept....my fiance has deppression and temper problems, and everything is always the end of the world...i treat her excellent, not just saying that but i do and she would tell you i do to...i have known about these problems before we got engaged, so its not an all of a sudden thing...in fact i posted on here once asking how do you know if it is time to call quits...we have a lot of plans ready for the wedding and i would kind of feel bad shutting them down, as i am one who wants to work on things, but i just dont know...im just happy go lucky, and she is sad, depressed, everything is wrong type thing...and she admits these things too, she doesnt always treat me great, its a hot and cold type situaton...im just not sure what to do, and any advice would be nice...maybe what kind of questions i need to ask myself...anyone experience this...i mean she really does love me, but just dont know....
I won't say what I think you should do; I will simply give you some questions and the answers should determine your course of action.
1. Picture yourself in 5 years if you maintain the course you're on. What does it look like? Are you happy? Is she? Is her depression under control/maintained? Describe a typical day/week/month/year.
2. Do the same in 10 years - only put some children into this picture.
3. Do you love her enough to be willing to sacrifice yourself and your own happiness? Can you, will you, be happy or satisfied in life always being the one to find the even keel, to find the joy in little things, to have the energy to get up and do things? Or will her depression bring you down to her level?
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