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To make a long story short, I live in a small town about an hour away from work or a city with much of a social scene. I like where I'm at except that it's nearly impossible to meet singles my own age. Most of my old college friends are either married or they have moved. I've been chatting with girls online but most of them are at least an hour away and most of them don't seem open to a "long distance" relationship since so many guys are closer to them.
I feel like I'm missing out on socializing with others my own age outside of work. I work long hours and my job has been pretty stressful (increasing workload, risk of lay offs, etc) so it's difficult to just pack up and move. It just seems like the weekdays are devoted to work and the weekends to house/yardwork and visiting relatives. Should I just take the financial hit and move or is there a way I can stay where I'm at and liven things up a bit?
Your problem is a common one. I'm in Chicago and have friends with this problem. They don't live close to the city - about an hour out like you do. Some of them live in suburbs of over 30,000 people, but most of the other people are families, not singles. So the community is not geared towards singles; it's geared towards families, with a very limited social scene for single people.
You're blessed to have a job in this economy but perhaps when things start turning around, you should consider moving closer to where you work. You may get less house for your money living there, but you have weight out and pros and cons of your situation.
If you're no fulfilled socially and spending time alone on weekends tending to your yard and aspire to meet friends and be in a relationship, it seems that your current situation is not near ideal for you.
I think you'd be better off living closer to the "city". The size of house in not important when one lives alone.
I know the timing to move is not ideal, but I think you should set it as a goal in the next year or so.
You mention that you socialize with people at work. Are any of them single? Can you spend a Friday night with one of them at their house so that you can go "out on the town" with them and drive home on Saturday?
As far as the women that you're meeting online, I don't see why an hour commute is such a big deal. If you're wiling to drive out to them to pick them up and take them out, they should not be that concerned with it. I would try to meet some of these women. I think if something clicks between you and one of them, she will put aside the "long distance" thing. A one hour commute is by no means long distant.
To make a long story short, I live in a small town about an hour away from work or a city with much of a social scene. I like where I'm at except that it's nearly impossible to meet singles my own age. Most of my old college friends are either married or they have moved. I've been chatting with girls online but most of them are at least an hour away and most of them don't seem open to a "long distance" relationship since so many guys are closer to them.
I feel like I'm missing out on socializing with others my own age outside of work. I work long hours and my job has been pretty stressful (increasing workload, risk of lay offs, etc) so it's difficult to just pack up and move. It just seems like the weekdays are devoted to work and the weekends to house/yardwork and visiting relatives. Should I just take the financial hit and move or is there a way I can stay where I'm at and liven things up a bit?
Not sure where you are, but pick up some local newspapers in that city that you say might have somewhat of a social scene and see if they have weekend events for singles or just families and individuals like 10K Walk/Run to benefit a cause, different types of conventions, some seminars or workshops on an interest or a hobby of yours. These are good places to meet like minded and like situated people. If the city has a good sized mall, they are always having some kind of events or promotions. Check out the local newspapers for that information. You'll have to free up at least one weekend a month to travel to that city to do this, so the dust bunnies and the leaves in the yard and Aunt Maymie might have to cut you a little slack. Good luck.
figure out a way to get a social life. as they say no one ever wishes they had spent more time at work when their life is at an end, they wish for more time with family and friends
Your problem is a common one. I'm in Chicago and have friends with this problem. They don't live close to the city - about an hour out like you do. Some of them live in suburbs of over 30,000 people, but most of the other people are families, not singles. So the community is not geared towards singles; it's geared towards families, with a very limited social scene for single people.
Yep same situation here. How did they deal with it? Did they move closer to the city or figure out a way to make it work where they are at?
Quote:
Originally Posted by whosez
You're blessed to have a job in this economy but perhaps when things start turning around, you should consider moving closer to where you work. You may get less house for your money living there, but you have weight out and pros and cons of your situation.
There are some reasonably priced condos about 30 minute from work which might be worth looking into. I've heard stories about condo associations though so I'd have to take careful look at that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by whosez
If you're no fulfilled socially and spending time alone on weekends tending to your yard and aspire to meet friends and be in a relationship, it seems that your current situation is not near ideal for you.
I think you'd be better off living closer to the "city". The size of house in not important when one lives alone.
I know the timing to move is not ideal, but I think you should set it as a goal in the next year or so.
The job situation is kinda iffy but I should find out within the next year (hopefully the next few months) where that stands. There are few job opportunities where I live in my field so switching jobs would probably require a longer commute which is probably another reason to move.
Quote:
You mention that you socialize with people at work. Are any of them single? Can you spend a Friday night with one of them at their house so that you can go "out on the town" with them and drive home on Saturday?
They are married. We'll get together for things like SuperBowl but they don't go out on the town.
Quote:
As far as the women that you're meeting online, I don't see why an hour commute is such a big deal. If you're wiling to drive out to them to pick them up and take them out, they should not be that concerned with it. I would try to meet some of these women. I think if something clicks between you and one of them, she will put aside the "long distance" thing. A one hour commute is by no means long distant.
I guess that's worth another try. Thanks for your suggestions!
Not sure where you are, but pick up some local newspapers in that city that you say might have somewhat of a social scene and see if they have weekend events for singles or just families and individuals like 10K Walk/Run to benefit a cause, different types of conventions, some seminars or workshops on an interest or a hobby of yours. These are good places to meet like minded and like situated people. If the city has a good sized mall, they are always having some kind of events or promotions. Check out the local newspapers for that information. You'll have to free up at least one weekend a month to travel to that city to do this, so the dust bunnies and the leaves in the yard and Aunt Maymie might have to cut you a little slack. Good luck.
For what ever reason, you decided to live an hour to work and an hour to get back home. You live alone, and probably don't have much to come home to. (If you had a roommate, or a relative, you would have mentioned that as to why you were living so far away from work.) And think of the gas money you are spending every week!
Bluntly put: living alone, isolated, far away will not encourage women today to look at you with anything but FEAR. I know all too well this fear mostly is unfair, but there it is. It will only get harder in the future to meet women if you continue to live isolated and alone with a long drive to work or socializing. Women are seeking guys with a history of socializing, cause young guys today don't get promoted otherwise.
Oh, and IIRC, driving to work with an hour each way will significantly increase your chances of getting in a car crash, getting a bad case of road rage, or way worse--- bringing remains of case of road rage into work and snapping at fellow workers; which will end up cutting down on your socializing with fellow workers. And make for less than perfect job performance reviews to boot.
You have (or had) reasons for choosing where you now live. Your Priorities, your list, your choice. Review your list, and be honest with yourself. What is important? And what is just some "image" of yourself you want to live up to. Don't confuse needs and wants. You need to go to work.... Do you NEED to visit relatives every weekend?
Sounds like u r going to need to plan your party time... U need to choose a day u r going to travel into the city and make a day and a night of it. Maybe start with one day out of the month and if that isn't enough make it more frequent. I wouldn't give up online though. There is going to be someone who is willing to travel for love. Being single may not be easy, but if u really want to be taken then u have to put yourself out there until u r. Good luck
For what ever reason, you decided to live an hour to work and an hour to get back home. You live alone, and probably don't have much to come home to. (If you had a roommate, or a relative, you would have mentioned that as to why you were living so far away from work.) And think of the gas money you are spending every week!
I chose to live here when I had a job much closer to home. The job seemed stable (or so I thought) but ended up going out of business. Also I still had friends my age single and/or in the area at the time. My car has decent gas mileage but I still spend quite a bit especially when it goes up to around $4 per gallon....and it seems to be on its way there now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by philwithbeard
Bluntly put: living alone, isolated, far away will not encourage women today to look at you with anything but FEAR. I know all too well this fear mostly is unfair, but there it is. It will only get harder in the future to meet women if you continue to live isolated and alone with a long drive to work or socializing. Women are seeking guys with a history of socializing, cause young guys today don't get promoted otherwise.
Thanks for your honesty. It's not like I'm totally isolated or never socialize, but most of the people that I do socialize with are usually older and not my own age. It doesn't help that I work/drive long hours.
Quote:
Originally Posted by philwithbeard
Oh, and IIRC, driving to work with an hour each way will significantly increase your chances of getting in a car crash, getting a bad case of road rage, or way worse--- bringing remains of case of road rage into work and snapping at fellow workers; which will end up cutting down on your socializing with fellow workers. And make for less than perfect job performance reviews to boot.
I don't have any good road rage stories although the driving does add stress to the workday. Construction/accidents have caused me to be late on a few occasions.
Quote:
Originally Posted by philwithbeard
You have (or had) reasons for choosing where you now live. Your Priorities, your list, your choice. Review your list, and be honest with yourself. What is important? And what is just some "image" of yourself you want to live up to. Don't confuse needs and wants. You need to go to work.... Do you NEED to visit relatives every weekend?
Visiting relatives isn't a need but I do get the guilt trip if I don't visit enough. But you're right, the list needs to be revised. I spend nearly 10 hours per week on the road which is almost like working an extra day!
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Good luck.
