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I'm stealing this from an answer I gave in another thread.
As much as I would prefer to have a long term, monogamous relationship, I wouldn't be opposed to a casual dating relationship or even FWB if it was truly that.
But unfortunately, causal sex and respect do not go together. It seems like one has to choose: be respected and only have sex in a relationship or have casual sex and not be respected.
That would be nice: "Excuse me, sir? Would you please go to the bedroom, kindly remove all your garments and be ready to have mind blowing sex with me. Thank you kindly!". Plain AWESOME!!
Well respect is something you command for yourself. If I didn't get it then I would not be having casual sexual encounters with that person. Sex is just an act......respect is a value in which you put on yourself worthy of being earned by others.
I just don't get this whole concept. FWB? If you are friends, and you are having sex...why not just call it a relationship? I don't understand it, I don't care to.
I'm stealing this from an answer I gave in another thread.
As much as I would prefer to have a long term, monogamous relationship, I wouldn't be opposed to a casual dating relationship or even FWB if it was truly that.
But unfortunately, causal sex and respect do not go together. It seems like one has to choose: be respected and only have sex in a relationship or have casual sex and not be respected.
Why we can't there be a happy medium?
To me, there are few things as beautiful and life-affirming as one human being desiring another. And sex would be meaningful to me, and cherished, even it occurred outside of a relationship; I'd still like and respect the man I did it with even if he did not call me his girlfriend, as long as he did the same for me. I consider it a sign of a perverted mind to believe that sex is an act of degradation short of it occurring in the context of a conventional relationship.
It is sad to read the comments of some of the men on this forum who talk about sex like it's warfare, with women as the enemy. I think it stems from the antiquated notion that sex is inherently unpleasant, degrading and shameful for a woman (or at least, should be, and any woman who enjoys sex for its own sake is a dirty, dirty ****); that being the case, a woman would need to have that inherent degradation neutralized through social status -- namely, the status conferred by a long-term relationship. Even more disturbing is the idea that some men actually enjoy the type of sexual relationship that they believe is -- or should be -- profoundly harmful to their partner.
I dont think it is impossible. I have had some FWB and there was and still is mutual respect. Could be because we respected each other as friends before the sex.
I have never had a FWB type of relationship because I am one of those people for whom sex=love. However, I have several female friends who have had success finding respectful casual sex partners. From my outside observation it seems that when the women treated both the guys and themselves with respect, they were more likely to be treated respectfully in return. This includes:
1. Being upfront and honest about what they want out of the relationship, ie no strings attached sex. And continuing to be honest if that changes.
2. Accepting that "no strings" means "no strings". If your only relationship with someone is in the bedroom, then you only have say over what that person does in the bedroom with you.
3. Being responsible-if you are not in a monogamous relationship please practice safe sex.
I've had some - there is one woman I'm still friends with. Haven't seen her in a while but we became close friends and one night the making out just happened. We wanted sex badly but we didn't go there. Next time we met, same thing.
Another lady friend today... it was similar. We were good friends, and one night, alcohol let the mutual attraction take its course. The last time I saw her, she was moving away, and she was a bit drunk (I wasn't) and she gave me a goodbye kiss (in front of others). I was embarrassed, surprised, and aroused. We may see each other for the first time in 5 years this summer. If I said I would mind another one of those kisses, I'd be lying.
Yes, I know even passionate making out is less powerful than sex. But both of these women are women I like and respect and care about, and if I went all the way, it'd be wonderful... but then what? Do we go back to what it was before? Can it go back?
For me, FWB sex/relations eventually lead to feelings. Once that happens, it's a problem. Either we become BF/GF or one of us "breaks up" because we can't handle not having the exclusivity of a real relationship.
To me, the power and "magic" sex are too important to be toyed with. I have a friend I'm currently 'estranged' from because we let a night of hanging out lead to steamy making out and it took a lot for us not to have sex, but we did some really intimate stuff. It's never been the same since. She can't handle anything close to FWB. I can handle it better than her, but I know it can be dangerous and potentially disastrous.
I'm stealing this from an answer I gave in another thread.
As much as I would prefer to have a long term, monogamous relationship, I wouldn't be opposed to a casual dating relationship or even FWB if it was truly that.
But unfortunately, causal sex and respect do not go together. It seems like one has to choose: be respected and only have sex in a relationship or have casual sex and not be respected.
Why we can't there be a happy medium?
Define "respect" as it relates to a sexual interaction. I think everyone defines it differently.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 19,947,163 times
Reputation: 9417
Quote:
Originally Posted by seeniorita
Well respect is something you command for yourself. If I didn't get it then I would not be having casual sexual encounters with that person. Sex is just an act......respect is a value in which you put on yourself worthy of being earned by others.
We've all heard this conversation; the fact that some men can turn around and talk total crap about a woman who slept with him on the first date proves respect means nothing to some people with a selfish agenda.
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