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Old 05-07-2010, 06:55 PM
 
Location: Pelion, South Carolina/orig. from Cape May, NJ
1,113 posts, read 3,284,852 times
Reputation: 1164

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I'm having a problem and I'd like some viewpoints on the subject. A year ago, my husband, me, and our 4 kids packed up everything and moved from NJ to SC. We thought we would be better off, but we're not. My husband has not been able to find work since we moved here. My teenage son has been getting into trouble in school and with the law. I have two special-needs children and services for them are close to nil here. I am lonesome and miss my family and friends back in NJ. I have no support system here at all. My life was much easier when I lived in NJ. I was more financially secure and was able to pay my bills. I get no help with my utility bills here-there are no programs here to help low-income people pay bills like there are in NJ.
My husband doesn't want to go back because he has legal problems in NJ (child support, fines) and he will most definitely be locked up if he returns. My teen son doesn't want to return because he doesn't want to leave his girlfriend behind.
I can't seem to make them understand that life for me would be so much easier if we moved back home. They're just thinking of themselves. What should I do, pack up and leave them here? Why should I stay somewhere I don't want to be?
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Old 05-07-2010, 07:12 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 24,132,530 times
Reputation: 24069
It sounds like things would be for the better for you all to move back, but locked up for lack of child support? That sounds pretty serious. No wonder he don`t wanna face that situation.
How old are your kids, and especially the one who doesn`t want to move because of his GF?
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Old 05-08-2010, 08:31 AM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 14,305,838 times
Reputation: 3768
I would take my children and move back to NJ. Your husband needs to grow up and handle his responsibilities. As for the son who doesn't want to leave his gf, they can talk on the phone and visit when he goes to visit his father. He needs to move back more than your special needs kids if he's getting into trouble.

It sounds like the only benefit of where you live is that your husband won't go to jail for not handling his business.

Warning: since your husband already has severe child support issues, I hope that if you move you won't need support from him to survive.
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Old 05-08-2010, 08:40 AM
 
Location: Corydon, IN
3,687 posts, read 4,678,475 times
Reputation: 7578
Quote:
Originally Posted by jersgrl1969 View Post

I can't seem to make them understand that life for me would be so much easier if we moved back home. They're just thinking of themselves. What should I do, pack up and leave them here? Why should I stay somewhere I don't want to be?
Let me think....



Wait -- -- I've got it!


You're married to a man with child support issues, your son is having trouble with the law, and life would be easier FOR YOU, but you're upset they're thinking of themselves.



Do THIS to yourself: -->

Repeat as necessary until the answer dawns on you with the clarity of morning light after a dark and stormy night.
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Old 05-08-2010, 08:44 AM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
1,659 posts, read 2,586,008 times
Reputation: 2440
^^^^That's exactly where I was heading. What worries me is if your husband is so selfish as to have run out on his kids I doubt his willingness to comprimise for you. You have to be in arrears a loooong time to get to the imprisonment stage!

The town you guys picked is mad small!!!! Less than 600 folks is insanely small and it's in the middle of nowhere. A nice comprimise might be to move to a larger town like Columbia, Charleston, or Myrtle Beach where you'll have a fighting chance of making money. Myrtle and Charleston are on the water and Charleston is especially quaint like Cape May. There are more social/municipal services to be had here on the coast and they are hiring as we speak. People are pretty cliquish in South Carolina small towns and frankly, much of the help I've had is because I'm related to this one or my family is friends with that one. Once I came out of living in the country to a larger touristy spot run by people from all over the country, it became simpler to apply and be hired wherever I wanted. Give it a try before pulling the family members apart.
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Old 05-08-2010, 09:27 AM
 
Location: Pelion, South Carolina/orig. from Cape May, NJ
1,113 posts, read 3,284,852 times
Reputation: 1164
Quote:
Originally Posted by Urban Sasquatch View Post
Let me think....



Wait -- -- I've got it!


You're married to a man with child support issues, your son is having trouble with the law, and life would be easier FOR YOU, but you're upset they're thinking of themselves.



Do THIS to yourself: -->

Repeat as necessary until the answer dawns on you with the clarity of morning light after a dark and stormy night.


Sorry, I still don't know where you're going with this.
Are you saying I'm being selfish?
If so, so be it. Yes, life would be better FOR ME. The way I look at it, my husband can't hide forever. I am living out in the middle of nowhere, with no support system (didn't you read my opening post??), lonesome for my family and friends. This place has nothing to offer me; it is a dead-end staying here.
Aside from my husband being locked up, which is only temporary, anyway, I believe we would ALL be better off moving back home.
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Old 05-08-2010, 09:36 AM
 
Location: Pelion, South Carolina/orig. from Cape May, NJ
1,113 posts, read 3,284,852 times
Reputation: 1164
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ticatica View Post
^^^^That's exactly where I was heading. What worries me is if your husband is so selfish as to have run out on his kids I doubt his willingness to comprimise for you. You have to be in arrears a loooong time to get to the imprisonment stage!

The town you guys picked is mad small!!!! Less than 600 folks is insanely small and it's in the middle of nowhere. A nice comprimise might be to move to a larger town like Columbia, Charleston, or Myrtle Beach where you'll have a fighting chance of making money. Myrtle and Charleston are on the water and Charleston is especially quaint like Cape May. There are more social/municipal services to be had here on the coast and they are hiring as we speak. People are pretty cliquish in South Carolina small towns and frankly, much of the help I've had is because I'm related to this one or my family is friends with that one. Once I came out of living in the country to a larger touristy spot run by people from all over the country, it became simpler to apply and be hired wherever I wanted. Give it a try before pulling the family members apart.
Yes, we have considered moving to Myrtle Beach. Columbia is only 15 miles away from us, too.
I didn't exactly pick Pelion...my best friend was already living here and she talked us into moving here near her. Well I should have done my homework, because there is absolutely nothing to do here, and work is not easy to find, to say the least. Also I grew up near the ocean and being out in the middle of nowhere is no picnic. I really don't know why anyone would want to live in the Midlands of SC. Maybe if you were born and raised here it's OK, but when you were born and raised in a tourist destination near the ocean like I was, it's like living in the desert.

My husband didn't run out on his son...he and his ex split up and when she found out he was with me, she cut off all communication and visitation.
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Old 05-08-2010, 09:42 AM
 
Location: Pelion, South Carolina/orig. from Cape May, NJ
1,113 posts, read 3,284,852 times
Reputation: 1164
Quote:
Originally Posted by yankeegirl313 View Post
It sounds like things would be for the better for you all to move back, but locked up for lack of child support? That sounds pretty serious. No wonder he don`t wanna face that situation.
How old are your kids, and especially the one who doesn`t want to move because of his GF?

He's 16. My other kids are 6, 5, and 2.
I have my own income, so whether or not my husband would pay me child support if I left him here doesn't concern me much. My ex husband doesn't pay it and I get along fine, regardless.
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Old 05-08-2010, 10:48 AM
 
Location: Philly Metro
379 posts, read 447,924 times
Reputation: 412
I think people are being too hard on you. You tried something and it didn't work out. I live in Atlantic County, NJ and many of my friends told me years ago to move to Florida for a better life. I strongly considered it, but I knew FL wasn't for me. While I do not personally like Southern NJ, almost all of them returned from FL and hated it there. No jobs, bad schools, relentless heat and humidity. Bugs, snakes, hurricanes, old geezers, and they hate northerners. Not for me.

I would suggest that you move someplace like North Carolina or Virginia, in a more populated place with things to do. Or maybe Greenville, SC if you like the 4 seasons in NJ. I can tell you from experience, South Jersey is not that great right now. The casinos are dying due to all the gambling being allowed in other states. PA is legalizing table games, so AC will be dead in a few years. The unemployment rate in Atlantic/Cape May is over 12% right now and homes/taxes are still expensive. This area sucks. I can't wait to get out of here.
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Old 05-08-2010, 11:11 AM
 
Location: silver springs
791 posts, read 1,333,897 times
Reputation: 596
Quote:
Originally Posted by Union Federal View Post
I think people are being too hard on you. You tried something and it didn't work out. I live in Atlantic County, NJ and many of my friends told me years ago to move to Florida for a better life. I strongly considered it, but I knew FL wasn't for me. While I do not personally like Southern NJ, almost all of them returned from FL and hated it there. No jobs, bad schools, relentless heat and humidity. Bugs, snakes, hurricanes, old geezers, and they hate northerners. Not for me.

I would suggest that you move someplace like North Carolina or Virginia, in a more populated place with things to do. Or maybe Greenville, SC if you like the 4 seasons in NJ. I can tell you from experience, South Jersey is not that great right now. The casinos are dying due to all the gambling being allowed in other states. PA is legalizing table games, so AC will be dead in a few years. The unemployment rate in Atlantic/Cape May is over 12% right now and homes/taxes are still expensive. This area sucks. I can't wait to get out of here.
Florida is not for everybody.....only the strong survive
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