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Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
8,309 posts, read 38,779,335 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares
Yes, poor guy. But he hasnt supported his SO nor has he sacrificed prime career years. He will most likely have to stay in the marriage 6 more years to qualify for alimony.
I actually think this is a hoax (hope some sarcasm bled through) so I agree that prime career years have not been sacrificed and spousal support has probably been non-existent and I am not very sophisticated about alimony qualifications in Chicago. Is that really how it works? There is a time threshold of, say, 10 years or perhaps a birthday threshold of 40?
It would seem to me that your late 20's to mid 30's are the most important career years...
I appreciate the feedback. Definately some bold opinions out there.
I left out that her family are fantastic people. I am very attached to this group and I do Love my wife. The issue is..are we "in love" vs. just caring for each other. She has definately called every shot since we met and I've conceded as a result of her income. So, yes, I suppose I sold my soul to the devil with the hopes of growing the relationship. Little did I realize how rigid and inflexible she truly is. Not to mention her excessive need for sleep.
I'll reiterate, in this economy I am unemployed. i would be in a gutter if we split. I have no family here and no options. The reason I stay confused is bc I would prefer struggling through a marriage, than being single and working at Walgreens. Call me superficial, but its logical and practical. Not to mention, one of you stated that most women want a breadwinner...that is not me, not yet.
I appreciate the feedback. Definately some bold opinions out there.
I left out that her family are fantastic people. I am very attached to this group and I do Love my wife. The issue is..are we "in love" vs. just caring for each other. She has definately called every shot since we met and I've conceded as a result of her income. So, yes, I suppose I sold my soul to the devil with the hopes of growing the relationship. Little did I realize how rigid and inflexible she truly is. Not to mention her excessive need for sleep.
I'll reiterate, in this economy I am unemployed. i would be in a gutter if we split. I have no family here and no options. The reason I stay confused is bc I would prefer struggling through a marriage, than being single and working at Walgreens. Call me superficial, but its logical and practical. Not to mention, one of you stated that most women want a breadwinner...that is not me, not yet.
You can't have it both ways...either you stay with her and be miserable, or you cut the cord, take your chances and make your way in life...the choice is yours.
You can't have it both ways...either you stay with her and be miserable, or you cut the cord, take your chances and make your way in life...the choice is yours.
Or, option 3) Stay and work on the relationship with the help of a marriage counselor of some sort. His outlook could change, her inflexibility or focus could change, or maybe the just end up appreciating the other more.
So here is my deal. I've been married to a very hyper, fun loving, dymnamic sugar mama. Since we've met, she has always made a massive income as she is married to her career. We have always had a connection like 2 kids in a sandbox. As we enter are 4th year of marriage (NO Kids) I constantly flirt with the idea of divorce. We constantly fight. She has ADD, she has alot of noise in her head. Getting her to engage and focus on fundamental conversations requires me repeating myself over and over. She is Not maternal. While she is the breadwinner and does pay for 99% of Everything, she doesn't lift a finger. I am a very modern-doting husband running ever single task needed to get done. She hasn't checked the mail once. As an unemployed husband, I refuse to be a dead-beat. I want to be married, but I want to be happy. She is very selfish, which is why she is so consistently successful in her career. Her job zaps her energy leaving me to do alot of things on my own (for fun) on the weekends. I am getting my Masters and banking on getting a job the day I graduate. So whats the problem?
I am not sexually attracted to her. I've told her this as a result of things she does and does not do. She never cared until recently. So I have a sugarmama who provides a incredible life of luxury, but all the while absent and disinterested in being a proverbial wife. At 36, Im really starting to yearn for a woman who values being domestic, less rigid, and wants kids! She committed to having 1. But my gut tells me her parenting style will stem from worry and stress vs. enjoying the process of parenthood. I am a self proclaimed free spirt, but it has been ruined by being 'a kept man'.
Financially, she is my best shot (realistically) of having a kid, and having the American Dream. Emotionally and Sexually I am suffering. And whats worse is I have no leverage. Everyday I try to approach the day with a fresh start, but she inevitably pisses me off with her natural 'me first' mentality. The term 'sweet' is not something she wants to be known as, rather, smart and efficient, which she is. I just think I'd work better with a sweetheart who values her man and all I do.
I do believe money is keeping me stuck in a marriage that has become more and more stressful, resentful, and frustrated for at LEAST a year.
Thanks in advance for your feedback.
What state are you living in? Alimony laws are so diverse it's tough to say how things would go if you divorced. If you live in Illinois and are married for 20 years you would get lifetime alimony. If only married a few years then maybe you'd get a temp form to get back on your feet. If you live in Massachusetts you're set for life if you're married even a very short time. And you can go back and have alimony reawarded if your situation changes later in life.
I can't believe how easily people "throw in the towel". For goodness sake communicate with her! And here's the reality couples who are married after a while feel like they are no longer in love! It's called "grown up love" where you care deeply for each other and take each other's faults, etc like it was meant to be in your marriage vows. I have been married since I was 17 (I am now 39) and yes to the same man who has mostly earned less than I have. And guess what? Tough luck I married him and that's just the way it is. Yes he works, no he's not some high powered corporate worker, he's an artist, a chef, a handyman, a little ADD, annoying sometimes but he's the greatest guy in the world to me! We WORK at our marriage. Every.Day. We just don't throw in the towel when things don't go the way we "dreamed they would be".
And please don't bring children into the equation until you both grow up.
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