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mongoslade, I'm afraid I fail to see the main point of your post, or if it was directed to me. But in case it is, how am I making excuses? I have just stated facts, and I can even be more specific about that.
When I did online dating some years ago, it was relatively easy for me to get girls like me. Why is that? They had plenty of time to get to know me, find something in my personality that stood out for them and then saw me as someone special.
Now, in a social situation the picture changes a lot. There are more people around. She will usually compare you with other people there. Commonly you have only some minutes, maybe less if you have just met her. So, if those things that make you special can't be seen by a stranger within those first minutes, then you are not special to them. Just another guy.
On the other hand, men who are very talkative, or handsome, or spoken about in a particular place, have it easy to gain a first focus of attention in a short time. And no, these men are often not so handsome (and of course not rich like you said).
I've been brutally dumped by women who make a lot less money than I do...
Describe this "brutal" treatment. I'm thinking that perhaps you were too persistent when they were trying to give you the gentle brushoff. For instance, if a woman that you wanted to date kept telling you that she was "busy" and then you questioned her schedule.
Well back on topic, I determine if a man is in "my league" by spending time with him. If we hit it off personality wise and in conversation, it gives me a good indication of his IQ, sense of humour and intellect level. Then we discuss what we both do for work and play. I also compare notes about each other's families as a way of gauging his values and morals. I also find out how he feels about having kids and if he likes having pets around.
I don't have any interest in dating any man that has little in common with me. Only having physical or sexual attraction is not worth even a quick fling to me. He has to be best friend quality also.
mongoslade, I'm afraid I fail to see the main point of your post, or if it was directed to me. But in case it is, how am I making excuses? I have just stated facts, and I can even be more specific about that.
When I did online dating some years ago, it was relatively easy for me to get girls like me. Why is that? They had plenty of time to get to know me, find something in my personality that stood out for them and then saw me as someone special.
Now, in a social situation the picture changes a lot. There are more people around. She will usually compare you with other people there. Commonly you have only some minutes, maybe less if you have just met her. So, if those things that make you special can't be seen by a stranger within those first minutes, then you are not special to them. Just another guy.
On the other hand, men who are very talkative, or handsome, or spoken about in a particular place, have it easy to gain a first focus of attention in a short time. And no, these men are often not so handsome (and of course not rich like you said).
Does it make sense to you now?
Everything you said may be true for you, because you have cluttered your mind with all of this gobbledegook. You are trying to predict and analyze behavior when the focus should be on how you present yourself.
You put yourself out there, present your "special qualities" in a way that does not take people so long to see, go after what you want, and let the chips fall where they may. You probably will be surprised at what you can do.
Me? Oh, don't get me wrong. I gave up some time ago and I'm not even trying anymore. However you seem to get everything to work easily for you. Congrats to you then, but don't make the mistake of thinking others can do it as easily as you (or even do it at all). You would be horribly wrong.
And also, if you think some internal qualities of people can be shown in a social situation, or in such a short time, it seems to me that you don't know the people around you very well. You might want to keep trying.
It's quite easy, if you embrace reality and leave wishful thinking and ego out of the equation. Don't be the guy in the speedos with a giant gut who thinks he's entitled to date a supermodel or reasonable facsimile thereof. He might use money and a great car to attract her BUT she is still out of his league and problems will ensue.
I don't really think of it as a lesser value think, it' sjust that I have no game. So It hink that women would give me much less of a chance than a guy who has game.
When I mean no game, I really mean, no game..
So it's not that I'm a persona of less value, I just have, little to no game.
In the past I looked at their brothers or dad and tried to see if there was a similarity between myself and them. This seemed to be a good place to start. Unfortunately when things went bad their brothers and dad were in as much disgust and disbelief as I was. Some of them even called me several times to apologize for their sister's or daughter's behavior. "I don't know WTH her problem is Rugged"? Well guys, she has me baffled also!! It used to be that when the men in her life took a serious liking to you that you were pretty much in! That must not necessarily be true in all cases. I still think that is a great option to have and am still going to work with it!
Last edited by 2RUGGED4YOU; 05-11-2010 at 04:55 PM..
My point is, i would like to know who I have a realistic chance with...
One extreme, is looks. I was hanging out with my best friend and his two sisters this weekend, and I realize his sisters are way out of my league looks wise.. yet I still felt crappy, even though I have no chance in hell.
Why do you think his sister's are out of your league? Seriously, why? My only problem would be the fact that it is his sister's, but then again, that very fact can be used as a plus. The sister's being good looking does not put them out of your league. Being 12 and 15 years old puts them out of your league (actually puts you out of their league). If they are both doctor's maybe they are out of your league, if they are both in their 60's they maybe out of your league. Don't let looks fool you. Unless you are obese and have other serious appearence problems, don't be so fast to assume the worst. Good lookin' ladies usually like men too, especially men who have some self assurance, are clean, polite, not offensive, and have a good sense of humor. Keeping a smile on your face and being friendly says a lot.
Or better yet - why do you need to have any "game"?
To me, it depends what "game" means.
I define game as simply being able to connect with people and make a good impression. So in a sense, it's just confidence and social skills.
I think guys often lack game since they objectify hot women too much. Human beings naturally respond to beauty, this probably cannot be helped, but a 10 woman is still a human being, with her own strengths, weaknesses, likes and dislikes. A lack of confidence is the key for men having difficulty getting women.
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Well guys, she has me baffled also!! It used to be that when the men in her life took a serious liking to you that you were pretty much in! That must not necessarily be true in all cases. I still think that is a great option to have and am still going to work with it!
How can you possibly know who is in
