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I used to be that very aggressive type, but it's hard to be that type when you can't make a living.
Moderator cut: Snip.!! You are STILL A MAN! YOU make the money, the money DOES NOT make you. AND Moderator cut: Snip. anybody who does not not think you are valid because your pockets are empty (at the moment).
Last edited by cricket_factor; 05-15-2010 at 06:25 PM..
Reason: No F Bombs.
OP: About getting "screwed" in court: much of that comes from a few people who got "screwed" for reasons of their own making, and how now want others to be "screwed" as well. Comments like that are invariably based on emotions and experiences that have nothing to do with yours. The only one who will give you a competent and realistic assessment of what you can expect is an attorney who will actually look at your case. Basing one's expectations on a mass hysteria is likely to lead to poor choices and (not surprisingly) being "screwed" by those choices, rather than by any court bias. The best way to handle a divorce is to approach it practically and rationally.
wow 29.4 million guys got filed on since 1975 and a "few" got s............ ???and it was their own making??? handle a divorce in a practical and rational way????,friend if you are a guy and you are in divorce court--- what is happening is neither.
Over and over, I hear about all these women doing so well post divorce. Making all their money off the ex. I've heard all the stories but I've never seen the reality of this.
With out exception, everyone I know who has divorced is worse off financially than they were before the divorce. Men and women.
My ex keeps telling everyone how happy she is. She looks terrible though. I have less money but I have control of it and many of the past issues have vanished with her leaving.
Did I want this divorce? No. How am I coping? Everyone says quite well, including my counselor.
Two weeks ago we had had this long discussion, that she initiated, where she continued to tell me why she was so angry at me and why I'm wrong about everything and why she's right about everything, etc.
So I ask her point blank - are you in love with me or are you not. She does not answer. Five hours later I get a text. She says she is still in love with me. I text her back, saying I never stopped.
We have a pretty good next two weeks, no fights, no sullen withdrawal on her part.
So yesterday we go out to dinner for my birthday and Father's Day. I know her well though. She had started acting sullen and avoiding me again that day. But we go out and she and the kids give me cards and some small gifts. There were some problems there, but minor, and I just overlooked them.
So we get home late that night. I'm feeling pretty good. So at about 1 AM she wakes up and starts this long discussion about how she is still angry at me and she can't get rid of it, and then she proceeds to ***** and moan about things that happened literally 10 and 20 years ago, and continues to complain about how I screwed up this thing and that thing........ad nauseum. She doesn't want counseling, but she wants to randomly approach me about all this old bs.
Two weeks ago we had had this long discussion, that she initiated, where she continued to tell me why she was so angry at me and why I'm wrong about everything and why she's right about everything, etc.
So I ask her point blank - are you in love with me or are you not. She does not answer. Five hours later I get a text. She says she is still in love with me. I text her back, saying I never stopped.
We have a pretty good next two weeks, no fights, no sullen withdrawal on her part.
So yesterday we go out to dinner for my birthday and Father's Day. I know her well though. She had started acting sullen and avoiding me again that day. But we go out and she and the kids give me cards and some small gifts. There were some problems there, but minor, and I just overlooked them.
So we get home late that night. I'm feeling pretty good. So at about 1 AM she wakes up and starts this long discussion about how she is still angry at me and she can't get rid of it, and then she proceeds to ***** and moan about things that happened literally 10 and 20 years ago, and continues to complain about how I screwed up this thing and that thing........ad nauseum. She doesn't want counseling, but she wants to randomly approach me about all this old bs.
Happy bleeping Father's Day.
I'm tired of this rollercoaster. I want off.
People do what you allow. The reason she can run that game on you is because you won't put your foot down and actually say "Look, I'm sick of all these games. If you want to play games, go to the NBA and NFL because I'm not the one. You either want this to work or not." If that were me, she would've been gone with the quickness. Yes, you have kids with her but just because you have children with her doesn't mean you're under any obligation to remain with her. Taking it further, you knew/should have known how she was before you married her so why you put up with her foolishness for this long is beyond me.
Well, you already know the answer. You have 3 options:
1. Separation.
2. Divorce.
3. Stay married and try to make it better.
If number 3 is not an option, that leaves separation or divorce. However, unless you contemplate coming back into this marriage, a separation does not make sense; it still comes with a custody dispute, child support and property distribution.
Whatever you decide to do, I suggest you see an attorney. No need to take the plunge -- just take a consultation to review what your options are. Bring all the financial information and make an outline of what you want as far as custody/visitation arrangements. Once you've had the consultation, you can decide what you want to do.
This. ^^^^
But I'll add: Please put your kids first. No, not stay together for the kids. Rather, when you do split up, put your love for your kids' over your animosity for your future former. My sister did that with her ex-husband, as did he with her--neither one spoke ill about the other to their kids, even when they might have felt it was deserved--and their children were much better off for it, and grew up to be responsible, contributing members of society without hang-ups about love and commitment. (One is now married and has a child.)
Two weeks ago we had had this long discussion, that she initiated, where she continued to tell me why she was so angry at me and why I'm wrong about everything and why she's right about everything, etc.
So I ask her point blank - are you in love with me or are you not. She does not answer. Five hours later I get a text. She says she is still in love with me. I text her back, saying I never stopped.
We have a pretty good next two weeks, no fights, no sullen withdrawal on her part.
So yesterday we go out to dinner for my birthday and Father's Day. I know her well though. She had started acting sullen and avoiding me again that day. But we go out and she and the kids give me cards and some small gifts. There were some problems there, but minor, and I just overlooked them.
So we get home late that night. I'm feeling pretty good. So at about 1 AM she wakes up and starts this long discussion about how she is still angry at me and she can't get rid of it, and then she proceeds to ***** and moan about things that happened literally 10 and 20 years ago, and continues to complain about how I screwed up this thing and that thing........ad nauseum. She doesn't want counseling, but she wants to randomly approach me about all this old bs.
Happy bleeping Father's Day.
I'm tired of this rollercoaster. I want off.
Lucario,
Sounds like both of your are bideing your time together until your kids are out of the home. I can't imagine asking my husband if he still loved me only to be met by silence, then a text hours later.
She is only wanting to talk about the relationship on her terms...talking to you like some whipped puppy. It's time to set some rules if you are going to continue down this path.
First, you need to establish your goals together. Are you past reconcilliation? Do you love each other enough to work at your marriage? The answer to these questions will guide you to the next step.
If your marriage is beyond repair and you can't leave each other financially, kids, etc. then, you are going to have to put her in her place about her attititude. You must become roommates. I would suggest no longer playing "marriage" and just put your feelings, thoughts, etc. out there. Like it or not, you will continue on this rollercoaster until you get things into perspective and establish respect from your wife...and for that, you must start with yourself. Good luck my friend and Happy Father's Day!
Sounds like my ex and her ability to deflect any blame that she is at fault for. That annoyed me. That arrogant smug twit... A couple of friends reminded me that I bent over backwards to give her what she wants, how much I loved her only to be treated the way she treated me.
I am looking forward to someone who will let me treat them well and willingly reciprocate who can admit faults, and I'd be willing to do the same. Who will be unselfish.
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