Sex with a friend? COMPLICATIONS- HAPPILY EVER AFTER? HELP. (wife, married, man)
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Me and my friend "James" have known each other for about two years now. We've been pretty good friends and never anything more than that. I was always attracted to him but never really flirted or anything. During these two years, i've had various relationships and so has he, so we were never really "single" at the same time. There were also times where we lost touch for a couple of weeks but we texted and hung out occasionally. Long story short, these last 4 months we've been hanging out MUCH more and me and him would always hang out in his house listening to music talking and what not. Well over the course of these months we've become closer, and ive expressed to him my sentiments about my past relationships and how much both him and i have been hurt in the past. He's told me his plans, wants and needs in a significant other, a wife, and we both have very similar views. Well 2 weeks ago we kissed. It was a silly peck at a party and that was that. Well since the party i had not seen him. We'd talked but neither one of us mentioned anything really. So this past weekend i went over his house again, and on our way to the store to pick some food up for his family [whom were all home having a small family gathering-whom might i added he presented me to and they were all very welcoming] ; he told me that he has a little girl. And she's a month old. I had NO IDEA this kid existed, however, him and his childs mother were totally not uncompatible in many levels, and while they keep things civil, they have not seen each other since she was 2 months pregnant, and he doesnt know if the baby is his, however he did tell me that if she is his, well he couldnt be happier. my point- he's not a dead beat dad. Well i was completely shocked by the news. He had NEVER mentioned ANYTHING and well i was wondering why he decided to RANDOMLY mention in in the car. He saw that i was a little taken aback by it and asked me if i thought "it was a bad thing" and i honestly do not think it is. I would accept him and his child. No doubt in my mind.
So we went back to his house, talked about stuff, and we kissed. The right way this time. And it was so lovely. He asked me if i was freaked out about what was happening and i kept telling him no. We were about to have sex when i decided not to. Literally i had never had to have so much self restraint in my life. He was not mad, or anything when i changed my mind though. A little bit later i left and we texted and it was more of in a flirty manner than anything.
My question is this.
1- Should i have sex with him?
i do have feelings for him, but im haunted by the "sex to soon" stories.
2- i have considered that he told me about his daughter as a way to "put it all out there" before we went any further {or is it me trying to talk myself into something}
3- and finally- i dont want us to be a friends with benefits type of "thing" ; i got caught up in something similar before and it was too painful to fall in love with my best friend and then realize that we werent mean to be together after all.
Ive been through alot despite my young age and he has too, i just REALLY want this to work.
Ive been through alot despite my young age and he has too, i just REALLY want this to work.
I think, despite being careful and planning you never know if it will work or not until you go the course, so follow your heart. There are people married 20 years and then it falls apart, sometimes it remains forever.
You've been friends this long, I can't imagine a better person to give yourself to; someone you know and trust. If you both feel the same way, I say go for it. Maybe you can talk about it some more before you take the dive. Tell him how you feel and ask him what his intentions are.
It sounds to me like telling you about the baby may have been to put everything out there, which would be a good thing. I'm not sure why he didn't tell you sooner, unless he didn't know himself.
I think, despite being careful and planning you never know if it will work or not until you go the course, so follow your heart. There are people married 20 years and then it falls apart, sometimes it remains forever.
I think that he needs to find out if this baby is his, and maybe you can give him some encouragement to do that!
I agree and say go with your heart. If you want to wait to have sex, wait. There is no time limit on love, right?
Talk to him before you do this though..so you both know where things stand between you, and your not left hanging..wondering...
I couldn't have said it as well, but those are my thoughts also. A good friend that cares about you can be the best lover and a forever friend/mate. That is the very thing I did when I choose my wife, after 16 years I couldn't be happier and she is still my best friend and critic. One thing to always remember, Hopless, don't forget about communication. Tell him how you feel, tell him your concerns. Don't be in a hurry and rush into sex, make it meaningful and worthwhile so you don't have to look back and ask yourself "was it a mistake"?
May sound paranoid but I wouldn't be so quick to hop into bed with him, tasty though he may be. He's not shooting blanks you know! LOL Get on the paternity test for now. I think 10% of babies supposed paternity is wrong. Then work up to it with 5 kinds of birth control!
May sound paranoid but I wouldn't be so quick to hop into bed with him, tasty though he may be. He's not shooting blanks you know! LOL Get on the paternity test for now. I think 10% of babies supposed paternity is wrong. Then work up to it with 5 kinds of birth control!:P
I had a similiar situation not too long ago (even asked CD for advice!) but things didnt work out the way I wanted. I fell in love with my best friends of many many years, spilled my guts and things got very complicted for us. I honestly don't know whose at fault or what, but it just was not pretty. I loved this man dearly and I cherished our friendship (we hung out all the time, I spent nights at his house and he spent nights at mine, we knew each others families and all that good stuff) but me opening my mouth and letting him know how I was feeling turned into something I cannot even explain. To date, we are not speaking and it breaks my heart.
My advice think about it long and hard before you say a word.
Good Luck and I hope things work out well for you.
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Surely he or she will use protection!! 
