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I never understood why a woman would allow herself to be the side dish.... I don't get it...must be something there that serves some need otherwise why wouldn't she get a man that's fully available??
It makes sense for the guy... he gets to keep the security of his marriage and a little new action on the side.... but for her?? what is she getting out of the deal, other than table scraps.....
I suspect the woman has so little self esteem that she thinks she can get no better. Personally I'd rather be single than in a relationship like that. The saddest are when the mistress gives birth to his kids. They usually don't get the attention the legit children get.
I never understood why a woman would allow herself to be the side dish.... I don't get it...must be something there that serves some need otherwise why wouldn't she get a man that's fully available??
It makes sense for the guy... he gets to keep the security of his marriage and a little new action on the side.... but for her?? what is she getting out of the deal, other than table scraps.....
Perhaps she really loved him and believed there was a future. Love chemicals sometimes make it so you don't see straight.
If a couple is into this it's their choice. I don't share well at all so this would never work. Having said this, I ironically have this issue now. I met this guy years ago (he works were my dad use to work)and recently he found me on Facebook. The conversations were very light because we would talk about classic shows (we are on several Facebook groups). Lately it's turned into "I'm falling for you" and "It's up to you how far we go". I've told him I have a boyfriend and no interest but this hasn't persuaded him. I'll mention his wife and he'll saw "but what about your boyfriend" to which I reply never once have I led him on, I told him we could only be friends. Then he says "you'll never marry your boyfriend and if you don't go with me you'll be alone". Huh? I will marry him (my boyfriend) but even if I don't how is being a mistress not being alone? the man rarely chooses the mistress and even if he does he'll cheat on her too most of the time. My boyfriend aside, he's not someone I would even remotely like if he was single, he's much older and obese and unattractive and has kids. I've thought of blocking him but am afraid he'll come over or something. He has already said he hates my boyfriend and is going to try to break up us so I'll be with him.
When I did online dating I had married men contacting me. I despise these men because they are committing what I consider a mortal sin (adultery). People who cheat are scum.
I've had these situations. They're scary, but I found that telling your SO about the situation and then blocking the jerk normally seems to work. Don't just block him, but lay it out "I'm not interested in you in that way. If you continue to bring this up, I'll have to remove you" and we both know, with guys like this...that's not going to stop him, then you just quietly block him.
I've had these situations. They're scary, but I found that telling your SO about the situation and then blocking the jerk normally seems to work. Don't just block him, but lay it out "I'm not interested in you in that way. If you continue to bring this up, I'll have to remove you" and we both know, with guys like this...that's not going to stop him, then you just quietly block him.
Yeah I know I'm going to block him and it's sad. I enjoyed chatting with him (100% platonic)and I never led him on but him being married adds another layer of creepiness.
Yeah I know I'm going to block him and it's sad. I enjoyed chatting with him (100% platonic)and I never led him on but him being married adds another layer of creepiness.
It's more than creepiness, it's a complete lack of respect to you, to his family, everyone involved.
I never understood why a woman would allow herself to be the side dish.... I don't get it...must be something there that serves some need otherwise why wouldn't she get a man that's fully available??
It makes sense for the guy... he gets to keep the security of his marriage and a little new action on the side.... but for her?? what is she getting out of the deal, other than table scraps.....
false hope.
the delusional thought of sliding into queen bee position
I know that this mere title will already anger most if not all women here and displease many men as well. I'll share my views at the end of this post.
Anyway...
I'm talking to John after what had been several months of us not hanging out. John is married with 3 kids. So as we catch up over food, John tells me that his brother-in-law David is doing well. In fact, too well.
David is a successful, very financially well-off professional. He recently bought, renovated, and moved into a large, beautiful house in an upper-middle-class suburb in the region. He has two lovely young children, a great wife. He's his own boss and does what he wants. Because of his high income, his arrangement with his wife is traditional. He's the breadwinner, she's the-stay-at-home homemaker/housewife. And it works for them.
Apparently, it works for David better than it does for David's wife.
David has one weekday off from work during which he is always out with his wife while the kids are at school. Additionally, John told me, David hangs out with his buddies 3 times a week, and Friday, Saturday, and Sunday are reserved for children and/or the wife.
Now here's the thing. David has a girlfriend on the side.
John asked me to keep my mouth shut, and I will, as I'm no more than an acquaintance of David.
One time, John, David, and one of David's friends had a midweek dinner. They then went to an expensive bar. David's cell phone would not stop ringing. But it wasn't David's wife.
David asked the boys, "you guys mind if my friend comes?" They said, "sure."
They expected another man, another married man with children. What they did not expect was a mid-20s single woman.
Apparently, this is not a new development. John told me that following a night out in the fall of 2008 (yes, 2008) in which I took part, David got into hot water with his wife. At that time, a fourth man, Kevin, came out. Kevin is very close to John and friends with David.
Not long after that night out, there was a married folks-dinner. Kevin's wife innocently remarked to David's wife that David was fortunate for having such a good, kind, and tolerant wife. Kevin's wife meant it as a compliment, but David's wife, ever suspicious, assumed Kevin's wife knew of something amiss, and went ballistic on David - without telling David exactly what Kevin's wife had said. David had to call Kevin, and Kevin had to speak to his wife, to calm the storm. If I'm not mistaken, Kevin made his wife speak to David's wife to clear up the incident.
It was, in this instance, an innocent misunderstanding, but David freaked out because he was already involved in an extramarital relationship.
I told John, "John, I'm not going to judge David, but what he is doing is not good. If David's wife had a boyfriend on the side whom she was seeing when she went out ostensibly to meet her GFs and was sleeping with him, David would kill her. This is just not right, and it's not fair to David's wife."
John agreed - but the impression I got was that John thought David was living a good life, almost to the point John envied David. I, in fact, do not put John above doing what David is doing, and am almost convinced John has committed adultery in the past.
Things like this make me wonder why married men do this. Why get married, why swear loyalty if you're going to have an affair spanning months, years, with a woman over 10 years your junior while your wife maintains the household and does a solid job of rearing the children?
(Ironically, folks, John's wife/David's sister is also extremely suspicious, but she's nowhere as opposed to this type of ribaldry if her brother is the one committing it; if it were John, John's wife/David's sister would kill John.)
You have two options...
1) You can own him after you get some hard evidence, but don't abuse your new privilege.
2) You can mind your own business.
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