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Neither is " I paid in more than you, you just used me for a certain lifestyle"
It's that whole pot/kettle/black thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
I would too (fee that way). I can see putting it away for the kids' education, weddings, down payment on a house, etc., or just investing it for retirement. Morally, I think the OP has a right to know what is happening with the money. "It's mine and none of your business" is no attitude to have in a healthy marriage.
We only buy what we can afford and what we both mutually agree upon
When i pass on she will get all my estate and my full pension for the rest of her life, so i cant see her being insecure about money..
I'm a guy, i just dont get it
Wifes father passes away and leaves her $500,000 which she promptly puts in a private account that i have no access to and she's not entertaining any idea of spending any of it.
Had I inherited money during my marriage, I would have certainly shared with my husband. Wouldn't have occurred to me not to put it into the "marital pot". I guess there are other things going on with your relationship of which you were not aware. Sorry...
Heres a story I'll share jambo101...
My mother recieved an inheritence and did the same to my father, she never had to work a day in her life which was fine, they had a very traditional marriage and it was another generation. Mom didn't share, was kind enough to buy him the truck he wanted ...kept titled in her name, he never said a word..I know it bothered him. Had taken an early retirement and went back to work, not for the money, he couldn't stand sitting at home any longer.
Anyway...I think dad got his revenge. After he died mom discovered his secret account he had put the money into..she was shocked he had hidden money from her. I think he's smiling somewhere as I typed this.
It can feel very demeaning to be married to a guy who belittles his wife because he makes more money or because his family has more money, especially when he alludes that if it wasn't for him she wouldn't be anywhere in life. In that situation, I would want to keep my own stash of money too - just in case I one day decided I had enough and needed to get the heck out.
Sorry, he left it to her, it's her money.
Yes, if you keep going the way you are, and get a divorce because of it, then it's probably matrimonial property, but, until then, you're screwed.
She's probably figured you guys live comfortably enough and don't need it, so has put it away for the kids.
I think that'll make quite a hole in their education fund, don't you ?
Funny how people who make more money are quick enough to shove that fact down your throat when it most suits them.
Let's get this straight, the money he earns is both of theirs as it goes into a joint account for bills and whatnot, but any money she gets is her's alone? Yeah, not buying this double standard crap.
My advice to the OP is to simply cut her off. Get your own account that your pay goes to, then transfer whatever your portion of the bills are to the joint account. If she needs some cash then she can get a job or dip into that inheritance. After all if her money is only for her then whatever you have left after bills is only for you.
Personally I think that's actually how it should be as it mitigates these kinds of problems the OP faces, but if you do have a joint account then *all* money needs to go into that account. After all it's martial property unless stipulated otherwise in a prenup. Saying it's only her money as bobman insists doesn't hold water legally as it'll get divided up in a divorce should it come to that.
Wow...if my husband inherited money and I had no say in it, I'd be really hurt. Everything in our marriage is joint, regardless of the source. I can see her wanting to spend some of it on something to spoil herself (like a new car, or a dream vacation), but the rest of it should be used for a common goal.
Have you talked to her about how it makes you feel? Or found out why it's important for her to keep the money separate?
While some people have taken the OP to task, I must say he has a point. Legally, the inheritance is probably the wife's separate property. Morally, however, not sharing with one's spouse is wrong. The other spouse has every right to be upset over this behavior, particularly since he has been pulling most of the financial weight in the marriage. Otherwise, whatever he is earning is "our" money, but what she inherited is "her" money? If my husband did something like that to me, I'd be really upset too.
Of course, we don't know the whole story. Perhaps she put the money away for the kids' educations or something. Perhaps the husband is a spendthrift who blows money away on foolhardy business ventures, and she wants to preserve a nest egg. But simply putting it in a separate account and telling the husband that it's none of his business is very wrong, in my opinion.
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