Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't like it when people keep score in marriages. It will never be 50/50. Many days, my marriage is 90/10--if I'm struggling, my husband picks up the slack. (I try to do the same when he needs it). We don't split bills, or chores, or blame. I can't imagine nitpicking him for the fact that I make more money than he does.
The only thing keeping score helps is if you're trying to find reasons to be frustrated with your spouse.
OP, I would absolutely look at premarital counseling--ours was awesome, and brought up several good topics we hadn't necessarily discussed in depth. (It was free through our church too) Bring up the financial concerns with the pastor/counselor/whomever, and talk about it with a neutral third party.
For me to be engaged to a person who brings me over to see a house in his name? Doesn't sound good. Sounds like you're property of his along with everything else. You'll never be on equal footing in the relationship. If he has a bad day, is he going to threaten to throw you and the kids out because his name is on the house? Is the house going to come up in every argument you have - "MY house"?
Something tells me even premarital counseling is not going to persuade this guy to put your name on the house or look at his own reasoning to have a house with only his name on it. Did he have abandonment issues when he was a child?
I don't know your whole story with him, but I feel very frightened for you. I wish you luck. I hope you make the best choice for yourself.
Aren't these thing you should know about each other BEFORE you get engaged? Religion, finances, children, IL's....ALL of that stuff should be discussed before you say "Yes".
Take a step back. Postpone the engagement until you know if this is the man you want to spend your life with your not.
And what price do you put on a spouses services for doing your laundry, cooking your meals, cleaning the house, taking care of the children (your most prized and important part of your life), shopping, dishes, mopping floors, cleaning toilets, running errands, taking kids to appointments for doctors and dentists, going to school meetings, helping with homework, making beds, all while working a full time job? How many hours do you think are in a day? If she's busting her ass for him and the children, while sacrificing her own "wants", what if he cheats and leaves her for someone else. Where is she left? Can she bill him for services rendered? Why bother getting married if you're going to live like roommates?
This really isn't a comparison. What about the husband having to mow the lawn, trim the trees, paint the house, change the oil, open jars etc,..
Unfortunately chores are a part of life and something we all have to do, married or single and don't get paid a dime for it.
This really isn't a comparison. What about the husband having to mow the lawn, trim the trees, paint the house, change the oil, open jars etc,..
Unfortunately chores are a part of life and something we all have to do, married or single and don't get paid a dime for it.
The OP's husband doesn't sound like someone who will be mowing grass and painting houses. He'll probably pay someone to do it for him. If I were the OP I wouldn't do any of that shyt so long as it's "his" house. What protection does she have if he decides to bail on her and throw her out of "his" house?
"Salary.com determined that the time mothers spend performing 10 typical job functions would equate to an annual salary of $117,867 for a stay-at-home mom. Working moms 'at-home' salary is $71,868 in 2010; this is in addition to the salary they earn in the workplace. " Mom Salary Wizard® 2010. Mother's Day Paycheck for Mom's Job
True, typically it wouldn't be one person who performs all of those chores either. An entire staff would be hired. A maid, nanny, cook/chef, and an assistant to run errands and shop. Those services could easily run in the six digits for someone who had to hire that sort of help.
Iam now engaged. My fiance has recently bought a new house solely in his name, we both went to view it and will be deciding on the furniture together. We've had lots of indepth chats about our future together and i beileve that these are vital to prevent arguements. I asked him if he would add my name to the house when we are officially married, he said 'No' and wanted me to buy another property solely in my name but with my own earnings. He earns alot more than me (which increase every year and is currently 3x my wages) and he insisted that he will pay for the mortgage and all household bills plus any baby stuff etc. While my earnings will stay put in my account for my own personal use. However, as a married couple i think everything should be shared, thats the point in marrriage after all. I am going to look after all the household chores, have a full time job plus look after our children therefore I think i should have my name added for protection and to feel secure in the future. Now i feel that our relationship is like a business contract and doubt his love for me -whether its deep enough to go through with this marriage.
My house doesn't have my wifes name on the title. She hasn't put one penny into this house in the 18 years we've been married. I owned the house before we were married. You have opinions from a lot of folks that give good advice. If I were you I would follow it and check the laws in your state. Now, even though I will be viewed as the bad boy, I'm going to tell you another way to look at this situation.
You are not married to your boyfriend, but you think your name should be on the house that he bought. He makes three times the money you make but ten years down the road you feel half of it should be yours, actually you think half of it should be yours now and your not even married yet. If I were him I would think long an hard before I married you. He has not guarantee that you won't file for divorce and take half of the house, half of everything he has purchased in the last ten years and make you pay him spousal support for the next ten years. I think his risks are as bad as your risks, maybe worse. It is not his fault you arn't making the same amount of money he makes. Women want equality up until they file for divorce, then they become the weaker sex and should automatically be taken care of my the man, in their opinion and sometimes in the opinion of the court. So, being married to you will cost him half of everything he ever has if you file for divorce. Do you see and fairness in this? If I were a young man starting out in life today I would think long and hard before I married a woman whose earning wasn't the same as my own, the reason being, most women might think like you do. He is telling you you can save your money and he will pay for everything. What better deal do you want? Well, dumb question, you want half of everything. My advice to you, don't marry him until you both resolve how you will handle the money you both make. My advice to him, get a prenup... To all you ladies out there that want to jump all over me for this post, all I am saying is for her to stop and think what is fair before she gets married. I know, before writing this post I should have filed a disclaimer, claiming that I have no sense at all...
Iam now engaged. My fiance has recently boughta new house solely in his name, we both went to view it and will be deciding on the furniture together. We've had lots of indepth chats about our future together and i beileve that these are vital to prevent arguements. I asked him if he would add my name to the house when we are officially married, he said 'No' and wanted me to buy another property solely in my name but with my own earnings. He earns alot more than me (which increase every year and is currently 3x my wages) and he insisted that he will pay for the mortgage and all household bills plus any baby stuff etc. While my earnings will stay put in my account for my ownpersonal use. However, as a married couple i think everything should be shared, thats the point in marrriage after all. I am going to look after all the household chores, have a full time job plus look after our children therefore I think i should have my name added for protection and to feel secure in the future. Now i feel that our relationship is like a businesscontract and doubt his love for me -whether its deep enough to go through with this marriage.
I want to hear what your opinion on this.
it IS a contract......sorry
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
etc,..
