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In the past I've mostly gone out to dinner on a first offline meeting...so more recently in the interest of keeping my expenses in check (eating/drinking out here in LA is expensive even at smaller venues) I would like to be more judicious in choosing who I take out for a full blown dinner date. In addition it also saves me from spending an extended amount of time with someone I have no interest in.
I'm thinking I would just meet offline for the 1st time perhaps coffee or a drink and then ask her out again to dinner/movies or whatever if I like her...so I thought but it isn't panning out!
my last date was to meet at a bar after work "for drinks" (clearly specified). I just wanted it to be a quick meeting for the above reasons. Now, I meet her and I realize she is really not my type. She is cursing everything in sight...the restaurant opposite the street, our waiter, the service, some countries...you name it she is cursing it, which really turned me off (she didn't do this on the phone). And then, she says she is starving, asks for a menu and orders a bunch of stuff. I still pay the tab in the end because I am old fashioned that way but I just feel I should've maybe said something instead of just going along. I feel a bit resentful spending what I did on someone I am never going to see again and don't even like, i've done it enough number of times in the past but I don't want to keep repeating this scenario...
so in your opinions how should I have handled the above situation?
You have time for a couple drinks between meetings in her area and keep it to an hour and a couple drinks then if you want to see her again make plans then. You've given yourself an out before you start the date and you'll be by her so it's not like you are just squeezing her in from across town. Have her meet you wherever, because remember you have a meeting to go to.
In the past I've mostly gone out to dinner on a first offline meeting...so more recently in the interest of keeping my expenses in check (eating/drinking out here in LA is expensive even at smaller venues) I would like to be more judicious in choosing who I take out for a full blown dinner date. In addition it also saves me from spending an extended amount of time with someone I have no interest in.
I'm thinking I would just meet offline for the 1st time perhaps coffee or a drink and then ask her out again to dinner/movies or whatever if I like her...so I thought but it isn't panning out!
my last date was to meet at a bar after work "for drinks" (clearly specified). I just wanted it to be a quick meeting for the above reasons. Now, I meet her and I realize she is really not my type. She is cursing everything in sight...the restaurant opposite the street, our waiter, the service, some countries...you name it she is cursing it, which really turned me off (she didn't do this on the phone). And then, she says she is starving, asks for a menu and orders a bunch of stuff. I still pay the tab in the end because I am old fashioned that way but I just feel I should've maybe said something instead of just going along. I feel a bit resentful spending what I did on someone I am never going to see again and don't even like, i've done it enough number of times in the past but I don't want to keep repeating this scenario...
so in your opinions how should I have handled the above situation?
Yeah, that's a tough one. I've NEVER invited a girl to dinner for the 1st offline date/meeting, it's always been for coffee or drink(s). I'm old fashioned like you, and if it were me I probably would've just paid the tab as well without thinking about it.
As for the future, maybe try to pick a place that does NOT have any food, or choose to sit at the bar (even though I prefer a table sitting directly across from each other). Or just stick to coffee. If it's in the evening, say we can get hot chocolate or something.
That's a tough situation though and I've never run into it. There's only been maybe twice that I knew right away I wasn't into the person and I ended it after one drink. Normally, we have at least two, and I've had others where we have 4 or 5 each and we lose track of time. In the latter scenarios I don't mind covering a 10 drink tab as I had a good time and the odds are we'll go out again.
I think you should have told her that you didn't think you were compatible and cut the date short when she grabbed the menu. I like cuinlalaland's suggestion as well. Meet at a Starbucks, or a book store.
I think you should have told her that you didn't think you were compatible and cut the date short when she grabbed the menu. I like cuinlalaland's suggestion as well. Meet at a Starbucks, or a book store.
yeah i would bailed when she tried to order food. well, i woulda let her order then bail before it got there so she could pay the bill. ***** aint randomly ordering dinner on my tab
my last date was to meet at a bar after work "for drinks" (clearly specified). I just wanted it to be a quick meeting for the above reasons. Now, I meet her and I realize she is really not my type. She is cursing everything in sight...the restaurant opposite the street, our waiter, the service, some countries...you name it she is cursing it, which really turned me off (she didn't do this on the phone). And then, she says she is starving, asks for a menu and orders a bunch of stuff. I still pay the tab in the end because I am old fashioned that way but I just feel I should've maybe said something instead of just going along. I feel a bit resentful spending what I did on someone I am never going to see again and don't even like, i've done it enough number of times in the past but I don't want to keep repeating this scenario...
so in your opinions how should I have handled the above situation?
Sounds like some of the broads I've been suckered with on "blind dates" which is why I don't allow anyone to fix me up anymore.
Probably in your exact situation I would have asked her to split the bill and I have done that before. You know you are not going to see them again so who cares? In every case they coughed up and paid.
The other thing is to make a wise choice of venue. I can appreciate fine dining but I tend to like "Road Food" type places or other casual dining affairs like a brick oven pizza place or upscale burger joint or perhaps tex mex. That is more my speed and what I like anyways and if a gal I want to take out turns their nose up then she isn't for me anyways so boo hoo. I also steer away from joints with big, expensive alcohol lists as well.
Hell I'd even take a gal to Chipotle, Panera Bread or Cracker Barrel and if they don't like it BOO HOO!
If I'm getting suckered with the bill, then I'm picking and controlling the costs. This aint Hollywood or Aspen.
I think you should have told her that you didn't think you were compatible and cut the date short when she grabbed the menu. I like cuinlalaland's suggestion as well. Meet at a Starbucks, or a book store.
Definitely, if you know it's not happening, when the menu comes out, pull the handle and bail out.
I would never (well, almost never ) do anything other that an agreed-upon short initial meeting - that is really the most logical and practical plan as you really don't know for certain, until you meet someone, if there will be any desire to see them again. I'd rather go to a coffee place than somewhere for "drinks"...it's much less apt to present a problem with either the check, or getting away fast enough.
If I had found myself in your situation? Well, by the time she picked up the menu, you already knew, right? So as soon as she did that, I would have stated that I only had allotted a half hour and that I always go dutch on these first meets. Period. And looked her straight in the eye.
Sounds like she was after a free meal...I never get those people.
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. I also steer away from joints with big, expensive alcohol lists as well.
) do anything other that an agreed-upon short initial meeting - that is really the most logical and practical plan as you really don't know for certain, until you meet someone, if there will be any desire to see them again. I'd rather go to a coffee place than somewhere for "drinks"...it's much less apt to present a problem with either the check, or getting away fast enough. 
