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She even told me how much I made her happy and how great I was. My only "flaw" was that i didn't meet her preference...ehem.
Perhaps that wasn't your only flaw. Maybe that was a quick excuse for her to get out of the relationship. It sounds like you're bitter that you liked her more than she liked you.
Perhaps that wasn't your only flaw. Maybe that was a quick excuse for her to get out of the relationship. It sounds like you're bitter that you liked her more than she liked you.
I'll tell you why that's not true. I could tell that she cared more than she let herself care. Hard to explain if you have no insight. She would show signs that she clearly wants to be with me, then sort of catch herself in a realization that she can't fall in love with me. It would be a "oh crap, what am i doing? Let me subtly go back to normal" kind of look. Hard to describe. She tried so hard to keep control it was frustrating. I was like let nature take its course. But I couldn't beat this fantasy.
It's not for you to decide who she should love. Love is an emotion -- visceral, irrational and basic -- and no one can be "convinced" to love you just because you "deserve" it. In fact, you don't deserve love. None of us do. Love is something that just happens to some of us and not others. People who are not in love have general preferences; it's natural. It's clear from your post that you too have standards. I have to tell you, your argument about the necessity to choose love over preferences would have more credibility if the woman you are talking about was fat and had a face like a waffle iron.
It's quite possible that she will fall in love with someone who isn't white -- but it won't be you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and move on with your life.
It's not for you to decide who she should love. Love is an emotion -- visceral, irrational and basic -- and no one can be "convinced" to love you just because you "deserve" it. In fact, you don't deserve love. None of us do. Love is something that just happens to some of us and not others. People who are not in love have general preferences; it's natural. It's clear from your post that you too have standards. I have to tell you, your argument about the necessity to choose love over preferences would have more credibility if the woman you are talking about was fat and had a face like a waffle iron.
It's quite possible that she will fall in love with someone who isn't white -- but it won't be you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and move on with your life.
Your statement would make more sense if you didn't have so many assumptions. Of course no one can be convinced to love. But apparently someone can convince themselves NOT to let themselves show what they feel.
This happened long ago and I have since moved on and found someone who loves me and doesn't categorize her relationships. I will also say that she is not part of my normal preference and I still have been happy for over 2 years.
I started this topic after repeated viewings of various topics of the reasoning for asian woman pursuing white men. I realized she fit every stereotype of an Americanized asian and wondered if this stereotype is what lead her to believe this course would be her only realization of happiness. I also wondered why hispanic men are never listed as a preferred selection for asian women. Who decides this stuff? I'm sure an entire race of women cannot see things the same way. There has to be variety. I wondered if there was a real reason why I had to be hurt and forced to move on for no apparent reason.
Dude, the factors of dating are not so complex, even if life is in general.
Dating is really about looks, personality, status, interests and outlook. In all these categories, we seek out people of a good match with our own requirements.
Take looks, most persons have a type they're physically/sexually attracted to. Personality is key if a person likes funny individuals, or people with booksmarts. Status is key if a person values it. Interests are key if an outdoorsy person wants a man/woman who likes hiking or abseiling. Outlook is important, if say, a conservative-minded person wouldn't date an open-minded person. Dating is about matching in the end.
I understand and sympathise that you feel hurt by this woman's choice, but it is her choice to make. Part of living with other humans is recognising that their goals, needs and wants don't always coincide with our own. We are all built and think differently, so this means that everybody's ends in life are different also.
It's a good question. Was she the first generation (recently immigrated)? I think later generations of immigrant families are less stuck on racial preferences. As well as later generations of "my own ethnicity only please", (eg Indian or Jewish) get more relaxed about inclusiveness.
She probably just didn't want to be with you and that was her way of letting you down. Because. honestly, if she really loved you, it wouldn't matter what color you are.
Why do some women who have stereotypical preferences stick to it so blindly that they can't see a good thing in front of them?
Sorry had to change my question because asking about Asian women and Hispanic men wasn't allowed. Wonder why?
Any way. I was invovled with a sexy little woman (whose chinese). We were close but apparently she prefers white guys. I was an exception (hispanic). But over time I guess she decided she only wanted to get serious with a white guy because in her words, "i don't see myself marrying someone who isn't white". I was like what the umm heck? Are you serious? I never even realized how common the stereotype until I realized she fit right in. All her actions, her clothes, her make up, even the way she talks was surrounding the stereotypical americanized asian searching for a white guy. I understanding having a preference but assuming you'll never be happy with anyone else is ridiculous.
I tried to talk it over but I kept getting the same response as if it were written in her blood and could never be changed. I have preferences also but I never use them as reasons for getting rid of a great person. She even told me how much I made her happy and how great I was. My only "flaw" was that i didn't meet her preference...ehem.
Is this common? Do some women stand by their preference like law?
PS: For those who want to delete this thread. This isn't a racial discussion. Although I have no control over the comments others have. You ask me it's on "preference".
She probably meant white-skinned guy and not a white guy
Asians like brighter skinned people. I'm from Asia. Dark-skinned folks get discriminated big time It's just the way of life. It's cultural and I can't really say if it's right or wrong.
Dude, the factors of dating are not so complex, even if life is in general.
Dating is really about looks, personality, status, interests and outlook. In all these categories, we seek out people of a good match with our own requirements.
Take looks, most persons have a type they're physically/sexually attracted to. Personality is key if a person likes funny individuals, or people with booksmarts. Status is key if a person values it. Interests are key if an outdoorsy person wants a man/woman who likes hiking or abseiling. Outlook is important, if say, a conservative-minded person wouldn't date an open-minded person. Dating is about matching in the end.
I understand and sympathise that you feel hurt by this woman's choice, but it is her choice to make. Part of living with other humans is recognising that their goals, needs and wants don't always coincide with our own. We are all built and think differently, so this means that everybody's ends in life are different also.
Boy, I should become a dating/life coach lol.
Thanks for the advice but I already know this. Known if for a long time. Normally I would understand a lack of interest, but this wasn't the case. I was hit by some absurd reasoning I've never encountered from someone I chose to spend my time with.
She probably just didn't want to be with you and that was her way of letting you down. Because. honestly, if she really loved you, it wouldn't matter what color you are.
That would make sense to a sensible person like me. I've seen her with her ex boyfriend (white guy). It looked more like worship. He'd mistreat her then she'd just come back for more. He broke up with her when he saw she had more fun with me and we had more in common (We were friends before we dated.) I dated her some time later (almost a year). I don't think she knows how to love without her fantasy.
Quote:
She probably meant white-skinned guy and not a white guy
Asians like brighter skinned people. I'm from Asia. Dark-skinned folks get discriminated big time It's just the way of life. It's cultural and I can't really say if it's right or wrong.
I'm a light skinned hispanic. I'm confused for a white guy all the time. Of course I'm not AS white as a white guy but I don't think that's the factor here. Like if I was lighter she still wouldn't stay. It has to be a specific type of white guy in her eyes.
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It's just the way of life. It's cultural and I can't really say if it's right or wrong.