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My folks( well my dad and his lady friend ) pressure me to the point of harassment about why Im single. In short I am a 30 year old male finishing his MBA and as a dual citizen I am moving back to the USA. I have no interest in dating and no interest in any vancouver women I just want to finish my education sell my condo and leave. I have been telling people this for years. I want focus on my career and devlop myself as a professional mainly for me not for the approval of women Im doing this for myself 100%.
They pressure me so much its insane every couple days they phone and ask me if Im seeing anyone or" whats new and exciting" its like Im being micro managed or under the microscope and they are like lording over me with a clipboard ticking things off. its gotten to the point that they accuse me of being gay, or get angry as to why im single and storm out of the room or think I have "sexual problems" and tell people that orgossip about me. I cant get through a phone call without being harassed non stop it's constant and angry. my dad's girlfriend is like stuck it a "leave- it- to- beaver" sitcom mindset where everything just magically works out happily ever after( she's that nuts) she of course is divorced herself ( go figure) she has a Polly- Anna world view with new age spirtual crap thrown in. she sees the world like a Disney movie
The reality is Im straight I just want to be single. I dont try to pick up women I dont talk to women. I have no interest in anybody. I live alone. Im happy doing my own thing . the pressure they give is intense .lately is they way they accost me is subtle through their questioning. They have such an old fashion mindset
why do people think they are entitled to know everything about everyone else's social life? with all the pressure they give me if I ever decide to date again, I sure as well would never introduce them on account of anything embarassing happening and all this pressure pushes me away even further , but they are too stupid too see it
lets pretend I pick up some woman , why the hell would I tell my dad!? seriously they are the last on my list.I have no interest.I have too many things I want to do with myself ,school, move career, new hobbies I want to surf for example .My mother doesnt really bug me at all she doesnt care
it bothers me all the time and they bother me all the time
what should I do
what would you do?
Moderator cut:
You better find that special female, mate, you need someone to console you when employers throw you out.
Last edited by yankeegirl313; 05-17-2010 at 01:16 PM..
You can always tell him that you've been banging every broad you can find, and when you stumble upon one who enjoys your preference for back-door action and can actually handle your tremendous tumescence enough for regular, repeat performances, you'll let him know.
Just saying. Yes, the mature way would be to lay down some boundaries. But I found that when I tried that with my father, he then turned it around like I was being defensive, and of course, that had to be my "conscience" talking.
Eventually, one day he started in with the "when are you going to find a man and have some babies" nonsense and I said, "Okay, I'll go out to the bar tonight and arrange it."
And he never brought it up again. So by all means, try setting boundaries first, but if that doesn't work, you can always fire something obnoxious right back at him.
My dad used to 'bug me' about getting married but I had NO desire whatsoever. I had already been married three freakin' times and said "NO more!". One day I asked him why it was so important to him for me to get married again and he said "So you'll have someone to take care of you and I won't worry about you". For cryin' out loud! I was in my mid 30s at the time and doing fine. I asked him if he'd ever known me to be evicted from my home, ever had my utilities cut off or come close to starving to death. He had to say No, of course, so I told him if that was the case he had nothing to worry about. He never brought it up again. I've been single for 13 years now and my mom thinks it's just great.
atough I was anticpiating that most people would tell them to back off but they dont operate that way .they just bug and harass people it's like the 1950's mentality where if your not paird off you have something wrong with you
People can only bug and harass you if you allow it. You are choosing to allow it. The reason being a "busy body" was so successful back in the 1950's is because there was this prevailing attitude of not rocking the boat, of being polite even when politeness was undeserved. Some say that was a better time... I disagree... no one has any business IN my business but those I allow. Anyone who can't respect that is fair game.
It doesn't matter how they operate, they can do what they want. What matters is how you respond, how you operate, what you allow to happen. For whatever reason... masochistic tendencies, pacifism to the point of insanity, an inability to confront... you are choosing to allow them to continue to act this way in regard to your personal life. You can choose differently.
Why you would permit someone to continue to treat you this way is honestly beyond me. I think you need to have a little more respect for yourself, because it's clear they have none for you. And really, why should they? You permit them to walk all over you, to invade your personal space, to get you riled up... they have no reason to stop what they're doing, no motivation. And you're choosing to not give them one.
In the end, their continuing to behave this way and affect your life is entirely on you. Until you give them a reason to change how they treat you, they'll just keep on with it... and why shouldn't they? It gets them what they want, and they know you're certainly not going to stop them.
Unless you finally choose differently. I hope for your sake you do.
My mom was the same way when I was younger. She wouldn't ever directly ask me what I was doing, but she often made comments - sometimes snide. I just didn't respond or react. I haven't heard anything from her in a few years now regarding my singleness.
Give it time. Your parents will give up on you too.
You can always tell him that you've been banging every broad you can find, and when you stumble upon one who enjoys your preference for back-door action and can actually handle your tremendous tumescence enough for regular, repeat performances, you'll let him know.
Just saying. Yes, the mature way would be to lay down some boundaries. But I found that when I tried that with my father, he then turned it around like I was being defensive, and of course, that had to be my "conscience" talking.
Eventually, one day he started in with the "when are you going to find a man and have some babies" nonsense and I said, "Okay, I'll go out to the bar tonight and arrange it."
And he never brought it up again. So by all means, try setting boundaries first, but if that doesn't work, you can always fire something obnoxious right back at him.
Awesome advice! Sometimes, the shock factor works.
My friends, family, and in-laws like to ask when my husband and I are going to get busy and start our family. What they don't know is that I recently miscarried and find the questions upsetting, annoying and insulting. Since the miscarriage, I've planned some come-backs to have prepared for the next time I am asked. I think I'll start by telling them that when it becomes their business, I'll let them know. My other come-backs aren't as nice.
Greetings,
Dont do something you will regreat later. Remember Parents are not for ever. They just want Grandch. even if they have one, they always want one from the one who hasn't given them one. Maybe some day you will look up and your heart will just melt when you see her.
Be BLessed
As others are saying, tell your father and his lady friend to drop the subject. Inform them as well that, should they persist, you will cut off all contact until they conform to your rules of conduct. After that, if they continue, go forth with the plan and block off all contact, including blocking e-mail and phone calls.
If they show up at your door, inform them that you have not changed their mind and tell them that you can and will pursue legal action.
Clearly this is affecting you drastically and drastic actions are called for. Grow a backbone and OWN your life, otherwise someone else will.
People can only bug and harass you if you allow it. You are choosing to allow it. The reason being a "busy body" was so successful back in the 1950's is because there was this prevailing attitude of not rocking the boat, of being polite even when politeness was undeserved. Some say that was a better time... I disagree... no one has any business IN my business but those I allow. Anyone who can't respect that is fair game.
It doesn't matter how they operate, they can do what they want. What matters is how you respond, how you operate, what you allow to happen. For whatever reason... masochistic tendencies, pacifism to the point of insanity, an inability to confront... you are choosing to allow them to continue to act this way in regard to your personal life. You can choose differently.
Why you would permit someone to continue to treat you this way is honestly beyond me. I think you need to have a little more respect for yourself, because it's clear they have none for you. And really, why should they? You permit them to walk all over you, to invade your personal space, to get you riled up... they have no reason to stop what they're doing, no motivation. And you're choosing to not give them one.
In the end, their continuing to behave this way and affect your life is entirely on you. Until you give them a reason to change how they treat you, they'll just keep on with it... and why shouldn't they? It gets them what they want, and they know you're certainly not going to stop them.
Unless you finally choose differently. I hope for your sake you do.
there is some good stuff here too I hear what you are saying
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