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One of the enjoyments of being with someone is growing and experiencing new things together. As much as some young people might view themselves as more mature than their peers, you just haven't been through life yet. That older person's growth years are mostly behind him or her and the 20-something is just starting out. It seems like more of a mentor/student thing and that is what creeps some people out.
I don't agree with the person who posted that older people are boring (wind out of the sails). If you check out dating sites it seems that most people of all ages are very active with a lot of interests. I do think it is more about older men, as referred to in the original post, getting a "thrill" out of dating younger women.
Now I have not read through the entire thread, but I see how you want yourself and your children to be taken care of due to something that comes up. That is fine. But what about when he gets sick? Are you prepared, at a young age, to take care of him as he gets older? This is in no way an attack on you. He will get to that point a lot faster than you and I have seen family members run the other way when it comes to this.
How will you handle it when he starts to slow down and you're still young, vibrant and use to going out?
That's a legitimate concern. But it'll be the least of my concerns if I've found my soulmate.
In that post I am simply saying that nothing is assured. I know you want someone to take care of you if something bad happens we all want that, but it seems counter intuitive to rely on other people to do that in 90% of cases. Sure they might say they will, people say a lot of things, but when it comes to crunch time I think its ultimately foolish to rely on someone else for that unless you know for certain they will step up and imho being sure of something like that requires a long term committed relationship of many many years. In the absence of such a long term committed relationship the only persons you can really rely on for that are yourself and if your lucky your family.
That's the whole point. The point is that in seeking a long term committed relationship it's not unreasonable to expect that they assume (as you assume as well) a sense of responsibility in case of contingency. That's a big part of committment. It's also reasonable to expect that you wouldn't build long term plans with someone who has demonstrated they are not in the position to take such a responsibility on. You're right, you never know what's going to happen...however, if someone has the character but not the means to take on said responsibility their intentions matter naught.
That's the whole point. The point is that in seeking a long term committed relationship it's not unreasonable to expect that they assume (as you assume as well) a sense of responsibility in case of contingency. That's a big part of committment. It's also reasonable to expect that you wouldn't build long term plans with someone who has demonstrated they are not in the position to take such a responsibility on. You're right, you never know what's going to happen...however, if someone has the character but not the means to take on said responsibility their intentions matter naught.
It seems reasonable, but reality very often falls short...Thus it seems counter intuitive to me to have expectations or assumptions about any situation without a modicum of direct personal control over said situation. In short, without previous experience with a person to guide you, there are no hard assurances that (s)he will step up to the plate when needed to provide security. Thus its best to approach something like a relationship without preconceived notions of how it should ideally work and approach it prepared to establish you own financial security if the need arises.
It seems reasonable, but reality often falls short...thus it seems counter intuitive to me to have expectations or assumptions about a situation without a modicum of direct personal control over said situation. In short, without previous experience to guide you, there is no hard assurances that (s)he will step up to the plate so its best to approach something without preconceived notions of how it should work.
That sounds very much like "expect nothing in terms of committment or responsibility from your mate because nothing's promised". That's like throwing out the baby with the bathwater.
That sounds very much like "expect nothing in terms of committment or responsibility from your mate because nothing's promised". That's like throwing out the baby with the bathwater.
I meant it more to mean hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst.
I must admit I get tired of reading that age disparity will mean that the younger person will be taking care of the older one. While that may be true in some cases, it certainly will not be true in others. You need to look at family history to judge that fairly. It is entirely possible that the younger lady (in this case) will not outlive the older guy. Though statistically nowadays women live longer than men, individually it all changes. Historically many women died in childbirth that led to life expectancy for everyone to be low.
In my family being 90 and active is not unusual for the men (with the exception of those who died accidentally or from alcoholism). Therefore at 50 I can expect almost another half century of life if I take care of myself.
Now that said, I would not date the OP. The amount of years play another factor other than who becomes feeble first. It is the breadth of maturity and experience that she brings to the relationship. Not to mention that many gals that have been around longer will have a mental toughness that makes for better survival skills. (By the way a plain young gal is often sought out by older guys. She is able to have children which makes her a valuable prize and also she might not have personality issues that being a "Hot young chick" could bring up.) Personally the idea of dating someone twice as young as I would not allow to happen. That is my personal feeling about it.
So if the OP enjoys having relations with older guys I say great! She is beyond being a child and who knows how long anyone has to live? I say to her that it is unfortunate that people say nasty things about her doing so. Just have to keep in mind that there are a lot of people that will do that regardless of the circumstances. Many people are just mean and of limited understanding.
One of the enjoyments of being with someone is growing and experiencing new things together. As much as some young people might view themselves as more mature than their peers, you just haven't been through life yet. That older person's growth years are mostly behind him or her and the 20-something is just starting out. It seems like more of a mentor/student thing and that is what creeps some people out.
I don't agree with the person who posted that older people are boring (wind out of the sails). If you check out dating sites it seems that most people of all ages are very active with a lot of interests. I do think it is more about older men, as referred to in the original post, getting a "thrill" out of dating younger women.
Nowhere in my posts did I say older people were boring nor did I imply it. Please don't read into my post and cherry pick words and apply your own meaning to them. I did state that a good number of older folks are somewhat inactive or not as interested in doing things they've done before, for one reason or other. This is just a fact. Don't believe me, walk around any Walmart, Home Depot, or family style restaurant. Obesity rates for adults in this country are over 30%, and overweight adults are at over 65%, that doesn't come from an active lifestyle.
Some prepare themselves for the aging process better than others.
Case in point, two women I work with. One is 39, dresses nice, has a great figure which is the result of eating smart, exercise, and perhaps some good genetics sprinkled in for good measure. She's educated and has a very pleasant personality. The other, is 25, obese, sloppy, speaks with a ghetto dialect, loud, abrasive and makes a lot of poor decisions. If I were looking for someone, I would go for the 39 year old in a heartbeat. If the tables were reversed, I'd be way more attracted to the 25 year old.
Not sure about the student/teacher analogy. Maybe to a degree a younger woman may appreciate the wisdom of an older man, but I think it's more about who you are attracted to and who you feel happy to share your time with. That just sparks naturally. This country has about a 40% divorce rate. I'll bet most of those couples are within a few years of one another, so being the same age certainly didn't help.
LOL...nah, they're in their 30's & 40's which they proudly proclaim, not old by my standards. FWIW, it takes hard work to maintain your looks past the age of 30 and 40, it doesn't happen by accident. While they were blessed with great looks, they also take care of themselves. Anyone in that age bracket, man or woman who let's themselves go is going to see their appearance and health fade. These ladies are a good example of women who have managed to stay young and vibrant and defy mother nature and father time.
And there are guys who do this too. You got your 50 year old guy who eats at Micky D's a lot, does not hit the gym, dresses for comfort not looks, etc. Then you have your 50 year old guy who hits the gym hard, watches what he eats, and dresses sharply when it's called for.
Okay, I can understand that. It's not black and white, I'm sure. Childlike can be good, childish not so much. Innocence can be sweet, naivete--well, maybe not. Energetic, of course! Hyperactive, no thank you. Spontaneity yes, foolishness no. I doubt that anyone sane would say he wants someone who is immature and irresponsible.
Not much is in life.
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