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By that logic, most couples should argue 24-7. You can bring out any issues WITHOUT resorting to arguments. If you can't have a rational discussion with your spouse without screaming, that says volumes about you. It's about stopping a potential argument before it starts. Couples don't have to co-sign each other all the time but it's all about doing whatever necessary to have harmony and if it means destroying any underlying discord, so be it.
We never really scream at each other ( I think we had two shouting arguments over 22 years not bad IMO) . That to me is a fight. An argument to me is being ratty to the other . Small injustices, stress,life pressures get to you etc... To eliminate all those little niggling irritations to me is impossible.
We certainly don't argue 24/7 and we are not only still together after 22 years but happy , fulfilled and in a very stable relationship. But yes we argue and bicker. On a regular basis. Over small things which irritate us. I call that being human. A few minutes of "grrrrr" and then we realise it was silly and "forgive" each other ( and ourselves)
I know very few human beings who behave in such a way that they never irritate the other ( which would mean anticipating an argument and preventing it by behavioural change) , scrap that I don't know any. Not one.
I know many people who try and avoid arguments at all costs and end up imploding and full of resentment however...
And I have a very harmonious marriage thank you all the same ! I think it says volume about me ( and hubby ) that we are still together after 22 very happy years even after things like me having gone through fire ( I had Leukaemia for over 10 years which almost killed me) .
I would not change a thing about our life together. Bickering and all, our harmony is just fine. We have a rythm which suits us. I think I know a little more about my relationship than you do , don't you think ?
Never bickering to me would be unendurable tedious and dull. We love each other enough that we can have our little tiffs and still respect and adore each other .
What do you think of marriages where they say : " Oh we never fight or argue . We agree on everything...... This is within the first year of marriage or / a relationship ."
My husband's godparents have been married, oh, probably going on 40 years now, and they tell me they have had one big fight EVER. I believe them. They are the most agreeable, laid-back people I know, and we love them dearly. They are role models for my husband and I in how we treat one another and also how we raise our children.
They are the only people I know who never fight, though. I think most people in their first year of marriage are going to experience some rough times. And as others have said, not fighting is not the same as always agreeing. I dated a guy for almost six years, and for the first four or so, we never fought. Not one argument or squabble: we got along very well. We still broke up, though--we were going different places in life--but even that was done without an argument. We only had one fight that I can remember. We broke up for one day, Valentine's Day, and made up the day after. But still ... not fighting isn't everything.
We never really scream at each other ( I think we had two shouting arguments over 22 years not bad IMO) . That to me is a fight. An argument to me is being ratty to the other . Small injustices, stress,life pressures get to you etc... To eliminate all those little niggling irritations to me is impossible.
We certainly don't argue 24/7 and we are not only still together after 22 years but happy , fulfilled and in a very stable relationship. But yes we argue and bicker. On a regular basis. Over small things which irritate us. I call that being human. A few minutes of "grrrrr" and then we realise it was silly and "forgive" each other ( and ourselves)
Whatever you say
I know very few human beings who behave in such a way that they never irritate the other ( which would mean anticipating an argument and preventing it by behavioural change) , scrap that I don't know any. Not one.
I know many people who try and avoid arguments at all costs and end up imploding and full of resentment however...
And I have a very harmonious marriage thank you all the same ! I think it says volume about me ( and hubby ) that we are still together after 22 very happy years even after things like me having gone through fire ( I had Leukaemia for over 10 years which almost killed me) .
I would not change a thing about our life together. Bickering and all, our harmony is just fine. We have a rythm which suits us. I think I know a little more about my relationship than you do , don't you think ?
Never bickering to me would be unendurable tedious and dull. We love each other enough that we can have our little tiffs and still respect and adore each other .
We'll just agree to disagree on the bolded statement. I'd rather have a marriage with as little fights as possible than be in a relationship where we disagree and argue one minute, then we're back on good terms the next. That's not true love, that's a yo-yo relationship. You're going at it one minute and the next, you're all smoochey-smoochey Like I stated, if you can't have a calm, rational discussion about minor (and sometimes major) tiffs without escalating into a full-blown shouting match then that says more about your inability to cope with issues. Yes, life will get at you from time to time but that's when you need to cool your jets and then talk it out after you and your spouse have had a chance to relax. Nothing gets solved by arguing and bickering. Period. People kill me thinking that arguments in and of themselves are beneficial to a relationship
We'll just agree to disagree on the bolded statement. I'd rather have a marriage with as little fights as possible than be in a relationship where we disagree and argue one minute, then we're back on good terms the next. That's not true love, that's a yo-yo relationship. You're going at it one minute and the next, you're all smoochey-smoocheyLike I stated, if you can't have a calm, rational discussion about minor (and sometimes major) tiffs without escalating into a full-blown shouting match then that says more about your inability to cope with issues. Yes, life will get at you from time to time but that's when you need to cool your jets and then talk it out after you and your spouse have had a chance to relax. Nothing gets solved by arguing and bickering. Period. People kill me thinking that arguments in and of themselves are beneficial to a relationship
How is arguing and bickering the same as a full-blown shouting match?
Neither my husband nor I have ever raised our voice to the other, ever. We do, however, bicker over things. Life does that sometimes. I think maybe your definition of "bicker" or "argue" is different than some of the other posters...
> Never bickering to me would be unendurable tedious and dull.
I'm an old bird and this marriage isn't my first. I have had my share of relationships with lots of drama and the following make-up sex. No thanks. I am just too tired for that! I prefer the sweeter joy of a laugh over a private joke, or teasing one another, or sharing a new experience together. I am not interested in the "excitement" that comes with tension and drama.
It's clear that some people LIKE to fight and argue. If they marry someone who doesn't then THAT is the problem, not the lack of fighting itself. I never found it boring to always get along, I found it comforting. There is way to much crap to get upset about OUTSIDE the marriage to need more INSIDE. I think we only had 5-6 real arguements in 25 years of marriage. A few were very early when we were both young and didn't know how to compromise. The rest were about our teenagers and how to deal with them because we were in unchartered territory.
Our marriage did finally grind to a hault, but fighting (or lack of) didn't play into it.
> Never bickering to me would be unendurable tedious and dull.
I prefer the sweeter joy of a laugh over a private joke, or teasing one another, or sharing a new experience together.
I have all that too ! We are extremely happy. I think some posters seem to equate to bicker with fighting which it isn't.
I can't remember the last time we had anything amounting to more than a little tiff. Which is usually over in less than 5 minutes.
Hubby and I do share everything and and constantly laugh and have new adventures together. In fact I never thought I could ever find anyone so atuned to me and my ways of thinking. I can't imagine life with anyone else. Ever.
Strange, I've heard the first 7 are honeymoon. I think people just say that to me though, beause we're too idealistic or something.
Yeah I think if you never fight, your relationship is probably pretty shallow, or one of you is very submissive. I wonder/worry even more about people who've been together longer than a few years who ever disagree.
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A few minutes of "grrrrr" and then we realise it was silly and "forgive" each other ( and ourselves) 
I think it says volume about me ( and hubby ) that we are still together after 22 very happy years even after things like me having gone through fire ( I had Leukaemia for over 10 years which almost killed me) .
