Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Can someone please help me out? I met a man in January and we became really close friends over the past 4 months. He is very attracted to me and was instantly, I didn't really notice him because he isn't my normal "type" (I usually go for dark features - dark hair, dark eyes, dark skin - and he is dirty blonde and has green eyes and is whiter than I am!).
I remember when I first met him and we started spending time together, and I thought maybe he was looking at me as more than just a friend, I was unsure of what I thought. I wasn't repulsed by him, but I wasn't sure if I was attracted to him either. I was just sort of neutral.
I had a couple of instances lately where I felt some kind of spark when we hugged, and I've also caught myself staring at his backside a few times lately, and I have wanted to be a little closer to him. BUT, it is none of the for sure fireworks that I have felt with previous guys I dated.
We are currently still "friends". He is VERY shy when it comes to women, and I'm starting to get the impression he's just scared to make a move. And his lack of action seems to be turning me off.
I can't figure out what's going on here. I am confused. I don't know if I have feelings for him or not because he won't make a move, and I find myself turned off by that and back into friend mode. Then he will stare at me and I'll feel awkward and then I'll start to wonder what's up.
Can somebody help me? Usually it's pretty cut and dry for me, like this:
I meet a guy randomly.
I'm either attracted to him within a date or two or I'm not.
There is a definite spark.
Relationship progresses or it doesn't.
The end.
Right now, here is what's happening:
I met a guy randomly.
We became good friends.
Friend seems to want more, and I'm not sure how I feel.
Friend won't act on it because friend is shy.
I get more unsure and shut down.
AHHHH I'm so confused. Insight please from people who have perhaps dealt with a friends-becoming-more situation? He's the nicest guy I've met in a long time, and we have so much in common and he really is becoming a best friend for me. And he knows all my sides, ALL of them, and still likes me anyway. Thanks.
Start being a little more flirty or playful and see how he reacts. If he starts getting hesitant or has weird looks on his face, then back off and just let things go as they were. If he flirts back or takes it in, then keep doing so but subtly and then build on that such as kisses on the cheek, etc. Start small and then you'll know pretty soon.
Can someone please help me out? I met a man in January and we became really close friends over the past 4 months. He is very attracted to me and was instantly, I didn't really notice him because he isn't my normal "type" (I usually go for dark features - dark hair, dark eyes, dark skin - and he is dirty blonde and has green eyes and is whiter than I am!).
I remember when I first met him and we started spending time together, and I thought maybe he was looking at me as more than just a friend, I was unsure of what I thought. I wasn't repulsed by him, but I wasn't sure if I was attracted to him either. I was just sort of neutral.
I had a couple of instances lately where I felt some kind of spark when we hugged, and I've also caught myself staring at his backside a few times lately, and I have wanted to be a little closer to him. BUT, it is none of the for sure fireworks that I have felt with previous guys I dated.
We are currently still "friends". He is VERY shy when it comes to women, and I'm starting to get the impression he's just scared to make a move. And his lack of action seems to be turning me off.
I can't figure out what's going on here. I am confused. I don't know if I have feelings for him or not because he won't make a move, and I find myself turned off by that and back into friend mode. Then he will stare at me and I'll feel awkward and then I'll start to wonder what's up.
Can somebody help me? Usually it's pretty cut and dry for me, like this:
I meet a guy randomly.
I'm either attracted to him within a date or two or I'm not.
There is a definite spark.
Relationship progresses or it doesn't.
The end.
Right now, here is what's happening:
I met a guy randomly.
We became good friends.
Friend seems to want more, and I'm not sure how I feel.
Friend won't act on it because friend is shy.
I get more unsure and shut down.
AHHHH I'm so confused. Insight please from people who have perhaps dealt with a friends-becoming-more situation? He's the nicest guy I've met in a long time, and we have so much in common and he really is becoming a best friend for me. And he knows all my sides, ALL of them, and still likes me anyway. Thanks.
IMO, also referred to as "taking it slow"! He is smarter than the "speedsters"!
IMO, also referred to as "taking it slow"! He is smarter than the "speedsters"!
Yeah...I thought this too. But wow talk about snail's pace! He won't even hold my hand. He looks like he wants to, and sometimes he'll show some very VERY quick physical affection either through a brush or rub or hug, and then he'll look at me like he WANTS to do something else, but then he won't DO anything else!
Start being a little more flirty or playful and see how he reacts. If he starts getting hesitant or has weird looks on his face, then back off and just let things go as they were. If he flirts back or takes it in, then keep doing so but subtly and then build on that such as kisses on the cheek, etc. Start small and then you'll know pretty soon.
Well he gave me a very fast kiss on my neck when he hugged me yesterday, and then again stared at me like he wanted something else but was too afraid. I was taken aback by it because he hadn't done anything like that before, and I was thinking he just wanted to be friends. So confusing. I guess I can be more assertive but yet I also just sort of feel like letting it play out at his comfort level. And if he takes 6 months to make a move, and I meet someone else in that time...well, I guess so it goes right?
Yeah...I thought this too. But wow talk about snail's pace! He won't even hold my hand. He looks like he wants to, and sometimes he'll show some very VERY quick physical affection either through a brush or rub or hug, and then he'll look at me like he WANTS to do something else, but then he won't DO anything else!
I totally know how you feel! You sort of wish he would make a move so you can be sure if you like him or not. But he won't make a move!!!
I'm not in that situation right now, but I've been there before. Anyway..carry on. I just wanted to say that.
35 and still shy. I find that kind of sad for some reason. Have you asked him if he's afraid to make a move? I mean just flat out call him out on it. You don't have to be assertive, just ask him what's up. No one says he has to make the first move. It's not a game of chess.
I say just look at him and ask, "Do you like me? What are you afraid of?" Then wait for his reaction. I promise you, after that, you won't have to worry any longer as your answer will be there.
ugh, I felt my frustration growing as I read your pained posting LOL. I almost got a tiny bit of feeling like you are trying to make something work that isn't meant to be or something - can't quite put my finger on it. My advice is this, if you didn't have an immediate attraction on your end, perhaps it's better to remain friends. It's quite normal once you become friends with a man and there is nothing sexual going on that you could begin to feel like there is something but the confusion happens because you're not sure if it's just familiarity or actual chemistry at work. To be honest, I think you are just destined to be friends. I would wait a little longer, if you still feel these random feelings perhaps it's time to just ask him outright what he's feeling. That way there is no more confusion.
Have you ever considered the idea that he's gay and is looking for the right time to tell you - which would totally explain why he's not made a move??? I had that happen with a friend of mine. He and I would go to lunch, hang out, talk - and yeah if anyone were looking, it would have appeared that we could have easily been a couple but he never made a move, to be honest I thought he was going to ask me out and then he told me he was gay - he'd been feeling things out to see if he could trust me and we've been best friends ever since. LOL
Last edited by andreaspercheron; 05-20-2010 at 11:09 AM..
Reason: completing....
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
He is smarter than the "speedsters"!
.
