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I just wanted some advice on my relationship. I broke up with my boyfriend of four years yesterday. He is such a sweet guy, we have the same taste in movies and music and he is totally my type in the looks department. But when does the bad outweigh the good? He says he loves me but he doesn't make the effort at all. He never brings me flowers or takes me ANYWHERE he has his mom remind him to get me something for my birthday but he would drive and has drove to another state when I had food poisoning - So it's like he's tight with money but not selfish so I stay thinking it's just me being paranoid. I don't want to me taken for a fool.
When I go to the shops I'll get him something I know he likes but he NEVER does anything remotely like this and blames this on his bad memory. When we first went out he was unemployed and he didn't have any money so I paid for EVERYTHING for the first year. He now has his own business and earns more money than me. He has recently paid for a few meals.
I know what that sounds like when other girls say my boyfriend doesn't take me out - Like he doesn't want to be seen with me but I don't want to toot my own horn but I am attractive and I could get most guys I wanted. I go below my level in the looks department as the guys are nicer and not just pretty boys that want to get laid.
Anyway we do go out. But only when I arrange it and pay and if something isn't to his liking he will moan (he says he does this without realising). Which hurts my feelings.
I pay as I am a people pleaser but I think by doing this I have set an unwritten rule that I pay. I don't think he would ever have cheated on me but the sex has diwindled lately and it's me that initiates it. Basically it's been about 3 weeks and it's used to be twice a week. We don't live together and well I'm just a bit lost. I need some advice to tell me if I'm chucking away something because I'm being picky or paranoid. If he doesn't love me and it treating me like a fool then I need help in knowing this so I can be strong and delete his number etc.
I'm rambling now so just let me know if you need more information.
Sounds like it's time to move on. You're not happy so there's no use in staying and trying to make something work that's slowly coming to an end anyway. The relationship seem to have run it's course and I think you should move on and in your next relationship, don't start behavior or a gesture you wouldn't want to keep up in the long run.
If I were in your shoes, I would tell him how this makes you feel.
Communication is a must in any relationship. Good luck!
I agree with this post. You MUST communicate. Everything you've just communicated to us, he should know how you feel about them as well.
You and him are two different people. You like to pick up stuff for him when you're out but don't expect him to do it because you do. Men are really bad with dates. No excuse but as long as he has not flat out forgotten your birthday he can get a pass.
Finances. So many marriages/relationships end due to financial issues. He now makes more money than you but because you seemed to not have a problem paying for everything, a precedent has been set. It's time to sit him down and explain that you were there financially because he could not. Now that he is in a position to pull his own weight and then some since he makes more money than you, he has to step up.
I wouldn't throw away four years over these issues you've mentioned. They all sound like problems that can be worked out through communication and perhaps a bit of counseling.
The sex thing is rather important. You all need to talk and find out why he has lost interest in sex. Since you are always initiating and the sex has dwindled, the fire in the bedroom has died. If you two do get back together, spice it up a little. Have sex somewhere you've never done it before. Spend some time recalling how things were in the beginning when you were hot and heavy and what has since changed.
And lastly, I hope you both aren't too young. If you're 21 and he's 22, you're both too young to have been in a 4 year relationship. This means there hasn't been enough time to explore on both of your parts.
To answer your question, when you've tried communicating through your issues and do everything you can to work out your problems and still nothing changes...when you have more bad times than good, it's time to go.
Oh, honey, I read the whole post and I'm sorry, but it's to move on.
Apparently he's passive aggressive like me. If I don't like the relationship, I no longer pay attention to you and the sex does dwindle down to the point that it's annoying having sex with the girl, and I avoid it like the plague. I let the girl break up with me instead of letting her go. I'd say you did the right thing by dumping him. if a man was truly in love with you, he would try to keep the flame alive.
as for the looks department, I'd say you can look as fine as Megan Fox, but if a flaw is discovered, you're no longer attractive to me. him being broke and not wanting to spend money is another thing. Why date someone who doesn't have a job no matter how sweet they are. The least they should be doing is going to school
Well I don't think it's realistic to think that a relationship should be all fireworks and fantastic all of the time. Four years is a long time to just throw in the towel because you haven't had sex in 3 weeks, and he doesn't do nice things anymore. I think that you should definitely have a talk with him, discuss your needs and where you see yourselves in the future. Only then can you know if it's worth the effort to make the relationship better or not. People get lazy in relationships, and unfortunately they take work to maintain, even amongst couples that seem to have "perfect" ones.
I'm 25 and he is 28. He now has his own business but he has issues with women taking all his money. His brother was left in thousands of dollars in debt and his mother doesn't want that to happen to either of them again. I first paid because he didn't have money I liked him and wanted to do things with him But then when he started his business he had no money but was due to come into 30,000 dollar inheritance. So I paid for things because he didn't have money and to prove that I wasn't after his money. Now I'm left in debt and alone. I feel so awful. He IS passive aggressive it just took someone on a forum to help me realise this. The players in clubs you can spot a mile off but someone who pretends to be caring but still make sure they are ok is much worse. It's sneaky and although I do love him and he has good points enough is enough. Oh god on the singles market now.
Hmm...if a young guy has lost interest in sex- that is not a good sign. It really does seem like he'e not interested anymore. I hope I didn't come off too blunt. But that is how I needed people to be with me when I was in a similar situation. Right now, you have a few things that are red flags:
1. the aforementioned loss of interest in sex
2. he never pays for ANYTHING? not good. Expects you to pay for all? He's not invested enough.
3. Bad memory? Ya right. If a guy truly cares about you, you are a huge priority in his life. A guy who really cared would have never forgotten your birthday of all things.
4. You have admitted that you are a people pleaser. You honestly seem like a classic case of an attractive girl with awful self esteem.
That gut feeling you have right now? You have it for a reason. It's time to bail on this relationship.
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