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Old 05-23-2010, 12:54 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,764 posts, read 40,048,735 times
Reputation: 18067

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Get the ex and his buddies to move him out. Have your ex and/or some of his buddies stay with you for about a month to make sure that your boyfriend stays out. Do you have enough room to have a roommate? Also get a restraining order.
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Old 05-23-2010, 01:25 PM
 
Location: colorado
2,788 posts, read 5,079,981 times
Reputation: 3345
I agree with ONGLET39 have your ex and he could bring his friend I'm sure his has big biker friends too. Your not making this man treat you this way..but you are allowing it. You said he is leaving dont sit there get up start packing his ****..
I dont know you but you have us all concerned.
Crying can come later. What if he committs some crime and your with him or he steals something and keeps it at your house, you can also go to jail for being an accessory to the crime too because you knew about it. CALL YOUR EX AND THE POLICE NOW
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Old 05-23-2010, 01:36 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 19,961,252 times
Reputation: 9417
Do you have any brothers or a dad who can come over for moral support and backup while you tell him it's not working and he needs to leave immediately? Tell him you're not comfortable giving him any more time. Not to cause you any more undue stress but I hope you have a good security system. Is there anyone who can stay with you for a while til you see how he's going to react, make sure he doesn't come back and cause you trouble? Don't take this lightly if you're afraid of him, please. Sounds like you're not, just don't let your guard down. I wish you the best.
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Old 05-23-2010, 01:41 PM
 
Location: I'm not lost, I'm exploring!
3,401 posts, read 13,345,949 times
Reputation: 5774
I think.. that scaring her into the possibilities of how bad of a person her ex may be, or have the potential to turn into, may do more harm than good. I know from my standpoint it would make me think, "wow, they're going over the deep end there" and become more defensive and protective over my BF, to my own detriment, I'm sure.

With that said, OP, you're not happy, love. I know you can't see it right now, but you could be. You could be so much more. There's no shame in ending a relationship. Even if it doesn't qualify as a "bad" relationship - it doesn't have to, all that matters is if it wasn't the "right" one. Right?

I strongly agree with everyone else - get male help tonight. I know you're more worried about emotionally blindsiding him with this eviction, rather than going overboard actually expecting him to physically harm you or something.. but the simple company of men, your ex, your guy-friends, your neighbor, doesn't matter- it will drive home the foot that you are finally putting down, by ending this - and hopefully, be enough to have him get all emotional and make a scene.. but leave peacefully. Don't feel guilted into being responsible for coming up with the answers to where he's supposed to sleep tonight! where is he gonna live! ... because chances are, if he's living like this, this isn't the first time he's been bumped into a harsh reality as a result of his actions.

Keep us posted. Have someone spend the night with you once it's over. And have a few lifelines that you talk to several times a day out of safety within the next few days following. We're not saying he's a criminal, or going to do something insane or violent against you, we're just being practical, and preparing for the worst. Keep your chin up. You sound like a very sucessfull determined young woman. It's time to make him stand on his own 2 feet, or colapse on someone else's couch to crash forawhile - whatever the case may be, it should be out of your hands.
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Old 05-23-2010, 02:27 PM
 
Location: In my skin
9,230 posts, read 16,503,316 times
Reputation: 9174
You've received some good advice here. The truth is nobody really knows what he will do when you do kick him out, but it doesn't look good. Everything you have shared, from the verbal abuse to throwing things to the pleasure he takes in watching animals being tortured and killed, threatening to kill the neighbors dog, along with all he has done in the past would make me very concerned. I'm not trying to scare you, I'm just saying you need to be prepared for the worst.

It's easy for someone on the outside to tell you to just get him out of there when they are not going through it. In as much as it is a choice to deal with it, there is a pretty good chance that things will escalate. You know this and are right to be afraid. Please tune out anyone who tries to blame you or shame you for not taking action the way they think you should, on their timetable. There are too many people out there who don't bother to do the research, yet they know it all.

As others have suggested, go to your local police department and speak to someone who specializes in domestic violence and ask what your options are. If he has made any threats, they may take action. Making terroristic threats is a crime. From the Texas Attoney General, Texas Attorney General


</B>What is a terroristic threat?
Terroristic Threat is a penal code offense (Section 22.07). A person commits the offense of Terroristic Threat if he or she threatens to commit any offense involving violence to any person or property with the intent to place a person in fear of imminent serious bodily injury. Penalty: Class B misdemeanor.

Look up the laws in your state.

In the meantime, make sure there are no firearms in the house or other dangerous weapons within his reach when you do decide to tell him. And make sure you are not alone when you do so.

Please DM me if I can help in any way. There are lots of resources out there for you to take advantage of. And keep us posted.
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Old 05-23-2010, 02:37 PM
 
12,585 posts, read 16,891,958 times
Reputation: 15255
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adoptstrays View Post
Hi all, I'm new here and I need some advice.

I met my boyfriend a year ago. He moved into my home 8 months ago due to job loss and I thought we were in love. He has said he wants to marry me, etc, but now I think he's just blowing smoke. He is an ex-alcoholic, three years sober, and is trying to get visitation rights with his two year old son which makes him very angry. He has a temper and often assumes things me, such as my mood..he says hateful things to me. I ask him why if he says he cares about me so much how can he act the way he does? He says and I quote: I am the way I am and I ain't changing, take it or leave it". Mkay...

In the last few months things have gotten downright awful. He makes no attempt at getting a job. Why should he, I have a good job and a home so I realize this. He plays World of Warcraft for 12 hr stretches. He is not affectionate period. He wants back rubs, neck rubs, from sitting at that stupid computer for hours. He wants sex only when he wants it and he never touches me or gives any foreplay, just three minutes and done.

Now. My problem is I am afraid of him. He has never hit me but has thrown things and has said things that make me afraid. Such as the neighbor's dog barks a lot. He has said that one day I'll come home from work and if the dog is dead I'm not to say a word to anybody. He's told me stories from his past of things he did while drunk...an uncle wouldn't let him drive his truck for some reason or other so he told some nasty friends where his uncle's safe was in his house and they broke in and stole a lot of money and guns. He has also keyed cars, has multiple DUI's, has spent a year and a half in jail because of them...How the hell do I get this man out of my house? I cannot get the courage up to even speak to him about it. I've thought of a million ways to say it..I've written letters but can't get the courage up to actually give them to him..

He takes and takes and gives nothing. He is always in a hateful mood and says mean things. I deserve better than this. Would someone please help me? I am on pins and needles around him, never knowing what his mood will be. I'm taking Xanax because of this man. I can't leave because I own my home and I'll be damned if I have to leave! But I am so afraid of him I don't know what to do. Thanks in advance.
If it is your house you can call the authorities to send over a squad car and escort him out of the house. Him and his belongings.

That would assure the peace and since he has a record he wouldn't want to start anything.
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Old 05-23-2010, 02:54 PM
 
Location: Nashville, Tn
7,915 posts, read 18,585,183 times
Reputation: 5524
This is a potentially dangerous situation based on your descriptions of his behavior. I think that you could tell the police exactly what is going on and ask their opinion as to whether or not they could assist you. I tend to think they would be able to do something. Just have someone there to assist you, whether it's the police or your ex and maybe a few male friends. The longer you wait the worse it's going to get so you really should get moving on this.
Unfortunately it sounds like he's home much of the time so that could make it much more difficult. It might require confronting him and telling him he has to pack up and move but just have people there to assist you. Good luck.
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Old 05-23-2010, 03:12 PM
 
Location: In my skin
9,230 posts, read 16,503,316 times
Reputation: 9174
I want to add that you should look into the laws for recording conversations is your state. Some states do not require that both parties consent to being recorded.

If the laws in your state allow for it, I'm thinking it would be a good idea to change the locks while he is out, then call (text him if he doesn't answer) and tell him then that needs to come collect his things and leave. Have a recorder handy, put him on speakerphone but talk directly into the phone so he won't suspect you're taping the conversation. He may or may not threaten you in front of other people. But he will most likely go off on you when it is just you he is talking to.

Be sure to mention how he has not paid any rent. His response may help establish that he has no legal grounds to stay.

Do not erase any voice messages or texts he leaves afterwards. If your voice mailbox gets full, record the messages from your phone to the recorder with the date and time stamp audible, if possible. Report this to the police.

I would also consider getting motion sensors and a hidden camera system for outside your home. If he attempts to break in or vandalize your property, you'll have evidence.
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Old 05-23-2010, 03:18 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,012 posts, read 29,634,015 times
Reputation: 11309
Call the police. Have them escort him out.
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Old 05-23-2010, 03:20 PM
 
Location: Small Town USA Population about 15,000
442 posts, read 962,334 times
Reputation: 205
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka View Post
Call the police. Have them escort him out.
I agree..get the police to help. I had to kick my sister and her son out the same way. They are there to help you out this is why you pay property tax....get there help. I am like you afraid of the consequences having the police there helped me a great deal.
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