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For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, blah blah blah. We all know the words, but everywhere I look, it seems like these words don't carry much weight. I heard one story about a woman who left her husband after he lost his high-paying job. I heard another story about a man who ditched his wife when she got cancer and lost her good looks. For all the claims that marriage is a failed institution, maybe the criticism ought to be directed at the people who get married rather than the institution itself.
For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health...til I get bored with you and/or find someone I like better.
This is more of a rant than a question. Maybe it's because of the unrealistic expectations people have for marriage. They love it when it's good, but quite a lot of people bail when the going gets tough. Some people just aren't cut out for marriage. I have more respect for the people who admit it than the ones who came to societal pressure and get married cause they think they're supposed to.
Denny: It's always more complicated to people in the marriage than it looks from the outside. Most newlyweds go into marriage with serious intentions of abiding by those vows, but the biggest problem facing married people is that they can't control each other's behavior. And what if you are "in sickness" or "poorer" not because of some anonymous forces, but because of your spouse's destructive behavior?
To outsiders, that woman who left her husband when he lost his high-paying job may look like someone who left just because of that. And who knows, perhaps it's true. But it's also possible that the loss of his job is merely the tip of an iceberg. Serious illness, unfortunately, destroys marriages VERY often. You would think that, when tragedy strikes two people who love each other, it should bring them closer; but in most cases, it only drives them apart.
Truth is, we don't really know those we marry until troubles come, and that's well into the marriage; and there are many things that are just impossible to verify ahead of time. If you ever learn that the woman you are married to isn't the one you fell in love with, those vows may very well ring hollow.
I think it depends on the "why" behind a given situation. Did someone go from "for richer" to "for poorer" because he or she spent all their money recklessly--on affairs, quitting a job for the heck of it, and so on? Then sorry, no. Same goes for health. Did someone go from "in health" to "in sickness" because he or she turned into an abusive alcoholic? Yes, it's sad, but no one should have to stay married to that.
I hear what you're saying about "'til I get bored with you and/or find someone better," but there's always more to any given marriage than people will talk about, even with their closest friends.
Denny: It's always more complicated to people in the marriage than it looks from the outside. Most newlyweds go into marriage with serious intentions of abiding by those vows, but the biggest problem facing married people is that they can't control each other's behavior. And what if you are "in sickness" or "poorer" not because of some anonymous forces, but because of your spouse's destructive behavior?
To outsiders, that woman who left her husband when he lost his high-paying job may look like someone who left just because of that. And who knows, perhaps it's true. But it's also possible that the loss of his job is merely the tip of an iceberg. Serious illness, unfortunately, destroys marriages VERY often. You would think that, when tragedy strikes two people who love each other, it should bring them closer; but in most cases, it only drives them apart.
Truth is, we don't really know those we marry until troubles come, and that's well into the marriage; and there are many things that are just impossible to verify ahead of time. If you ever learn that the woman you are married to isn't the one you fell in love with, those vows may very well ring hollow.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane
For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, blah blah blah. We all know the words, but everywhere I look, it seems like these words don't carry much weight. I heard one story about a woman who left her husband after he lost his high-paying job. I heard another story about a man who ditched his wife when she got cancer and lost her good looks. For all the claims that marriage is a failed institution, maybe the criticism ought to be directed at the people who get married rather than the institution itself.
For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health...til I get bored with you and/or find someone I like better.
This is more of a rant than a question. Maybe it's because of the unrealistic expectations people have for marriage. They love it when it's good, but quite a lot of people bail when the going gets tough. Some people just aren't cut out for marriage. I have more respect for the people who admit it than the ones who came to societal pressure and get married cause they think they're supposed to.
That's exactly what I say about Church/religion. When one person messes up, some like to point fingers and condemn the whole institution/church/faith/religion rather than focus on the real problem--the person/people involved.
ETA: What I was trying to say here and I see I didn't finish it, was people--more than you might think--have a tendency to do this, see one person corrupting something so they condemn the every aspect of what they're corrupting.
Last edited by Whyte Byrd; 05-28-2010 at 11:44 AM..
Marriage is a partnership, it is not welfare for one while the other toils, it is not a cafe or a nail salon. Its WORK and with that WORK come rewards. Without the hard work of partnership based on understanding, its just not worth is, vows notwithstanding.
People should and hopefully do get married with the intention of staying together. However, I feel like many people enter into a marriage thinking I can leave, if I want to. I think many people are too quick to get out, when things are hard. Yes, there are exceptions. No one should stay married to someone who is abusive. Also, if someone has a substance abuse problem and refuses to try to help themselves, it is time to leave. I think marriage is like everything else with ups and downs. Some people don't wait out the down periods; they leave. I think later these same people miss their marriage, but it is too late. I also know that I am not privy to people's private lives, so there could easily be reasons that a marriage didn't last that I don't know about. Be careful when you marry that you marry someone with the same beliefs about marriage that you have, and then hopefully you will stay together through both the good and bad times.
Marriage is a partnership, it is not welfare for one while the other toils, it is not a cafe or a nail salon. Its WORK and with that WORK come rewards. Without the hard work of partnership based on understanding, its just not worth is, vows notwithstanding.
Really??? The hell you say!! Let's see a show of hands, especially you little ladies -- how many of you thought marriage was a cafe or a nail salon?
Okay, now let's poll the virtuous, and see, how many of you think that marriage is more like Buchenwald?
(Sorry, cwaggy, don't take offense. I just couldn't resist.)
For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, blah blah blah. We all know the words, but everywhere I look, it seems like these words don't carry much weight. I heard one story about a woman who left her husband after he lost his high-paying job. I heard another story about a man who ditched his wife when she got cancer and lost her good looks. For all the claims that marriage is a failed institution, maybe the criticism ought to be directed at the people who get married rather than the institution itself.
For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health...til I get bored with you and/or find someone I like better.
This is more of a rant than a question. Maybe it's because of the unrealistic expectations people have for marriage. They love it when it's good, but quite a lot of people bail when the going gets tough. Some people just aren't cut out for marriage. I have more respect for the people who admit it than the ones who came to societal pressure and get married cause they think they're supposed to.
Really??? The hell you say!! Let's see a show of hands, especially you little ladies -- how many of you thought marriage was a cafe or a nail salon?
Okay, now let's poll the virtuous, and see, how many of you think that marriage is more like Buchenwald?
(Sorry, cwaggy, don't take offense. I just couldn't resist.)
"Arbeit macht frei" (work makes one free) didn't really pan out as some hoped, now did it?
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