WTF is it with men and never wanting to deal with "drama"? (married, single)
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Oh you're right I am terribly uncomfortable with handling everyday verbal confrontations, I think I am still very childlike in that sense. If someone is chastising me I will just sit there with a quivering lower lip then bawl like a baby when they go. Quite embarrassing really.
next time there is a verbal confrontation.....stop them with the hand and let them talk to it
Dump him. Sounds like he doesn't really give a crap about you. If a guy really cares for you he wont mind being around you when something is wrong or you need to talk. A mature guy would listen to what you have to say.
Sometimes I feel as though my boyfriend only ever wants to be around me when I am happy, laughing and positive.
Whenever I am upset or angry he completely shuts down. Doesn't want to talk about it, doesn't have time for it etc etc. If I say 'we need to talk' or 'can we talk about this' he usually just rolls his eyes and walks away, or gives me his attention, but with a filthy 'just hurry up and get whatever you want to say over with' look on his face. If we have an argument before bed he just rolls over and goes to sleep, despite me telling him I don't want us to go to bed angry. I usually cry myself to sleep!
I feel like we have a lot of unresolved issues and I hold in pretty much everything when it comes to my feelings.
Aren't relationships meant to be about taking the good with the bad?
Your description of your boyfriend sounds just like my stbx wife. So, not only men, but women also, can have some pretty bad standards in communication. And - this doesn't sound like drama, just like lack of communication and will to resolve issues.
Drama, to me, is when someone drags another person into/unloads on them all of their problems that they themselves can deal with but don't.
I think a lot of it has to do with the frequency and the type of drama.
Quite true but men who create drama and those who don't either, don't have the "advantage" that women have to get away with this. When men finally smarten up and realize that the occational sex isn't worth it, it is always amusing to hear the woman complaining that "if he can't take me at my worst, he doesn't deserve me at my best".
Sometimes I feel as though my boyfriend only ever wants to be around me when I am happy, laughing and positive.
Whenever I am upset or angry he completely shuts down. Doesn't want to talk about it, doesn't have time for it etc etc. If I say 'we need to talk' or 'can we talk about this' he usually just rolls his eyes and walks away, or gives me his attention, but with a filthy 'just hurry up and get whatever you want to say over with' look on his face. If we have an argument before bed he just rolls over and goes to sleep, despite me telling him I don't want us to go to bed angry. I usually cry myself to sleep!
I feel like we have a lot of unresolved issues and I hold in pretty much everything when it comes to my feelings.
Aren't relationships meant to be about taking the good with the bad?
As Marilyn Monroe once said "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best"!
P.S. please don't base your answers on my previous threads. Things have taken a bit of a turn lately and I'd just like some opinions on this current situation.. Ladies have you ever had a man do this to you? Guys, do ALL men behave like this?
My childrens father is this all over. Everytime theres an argument or something I want to talk about he would either place the blame on me or blow up. He also tried the we will talk about it when I have calmed down and then just blow it off whenever I brought it up agian. I caught him cheating and with evidence and all he still denyed. ( For years ). Maybe its just something in the way some men are brought up or maybe we attrack losers. lol
Valid question. I think part of it is the female nature to be catty, gossipy, and argumentative. Women develop verbal mastery far sooner than men do and that translates across life in so many ways. I think that's part of what drives the gossip, drama fueled raging debates, and so on. Guys don't backstab and gossip the same way women do, we're more prone to physical aggression thanks to our evolution. And it all makes sense that women resort to this verbal and emotional cat & mouse, they have to in order to compete since men are on average 20% larger. Through evolution the women who tried to go toe to toe with men in the physical realm when it came time to dealing with "drama" got weeded out of existence, whereas the ones that went the non-physical drama route survived.
What? Men love drama! My husband is a total drama ho. He is always getting way dramatic over how badly other people drive, or throwing a fit if he has to wait in line for more than two minutes, or drama over some company (cable, for example) trying to overcharge us. Lot's of stuff like that.
My husband lives for drama and he thrives on it. He likes watching movies where things get blown up and if someone's eyes get poked out -- even better! He loves really noisy things that go really fast. He has a need for speed (motorcycles, fast boats) and he is a total thrill-seeker. It's all done for the enjoyment of drama.
In contrast, I just like a good story with good dialog. And I like to talk about it and analyze it. My dramas are pretty tame and mellow in comparison to his. Women do not have a monopoly on drama, by any means!
Last edited by boodhabunny; 06-07-2010 at 04:36 AM..
Sometimes I feel as though my boyfriend only ever wants to be around me when I am happy, laughing and positive.
Actually, that sounds about right. Who WANTS to be around someone who is sad, upset, or hysterical? Sure, we will be there for someone we care about under those circumstances but it is out of a sense of desire, not duty.
If I say 'we need to talk' or 'can we talk about this'
Men hate it when women say, "we need to talk" because usually it's something that could have waited, is unpleasant, overblown, etc...
I went through that just recently. I invited one of my girls to a friend's house for a barbeque and she gave me the "we need to talk" routine over the phone. I leave early and drive across town to see her only to find out that she just wanted to break up. That's something that could have waited. To me, "we need to talk" means that there is something serious that must be discussed right now as in life changing or life threatening.
As Marilyn Monroe once said "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best"!
*eye roll*
What an entitlement complex! It removes from a woman the duty to restrain herself but instead it's just the price that a man must pay for her company.
Is it ok for a man to beat a woman? Why not? If she can't handle him and his worst, then clearly she does not deserve him! The reality of course is that men DO restrain themselves, even at times when the natural response is to just lash out to silence a shew who JUST WON'T SHUT UP and STOP HARRASSING HIM!
Yet most men restrains himself because they believe it's a just thing to do. Yet women will not exercise the same restraint as she verbally and emotionally assualts a man.
Bottomline: show some restraint and rationality.
Anyway, men say that they don't want "drama" because some women act as if everything is a big deal and women get upset if a man doesn't see it the same way. It's as if some women thrive out of making mountains out of mole hills whereas men would rather have fewer emotional peaks and valleys: we can enough "drama" dealing with the real world so why go into an hour long tizzy over whether you're upset because you don't think the counter girl treated you as nicely as you think she should have? It is inconsequential in the real world.
Or, as Sean mentioned, how a woman will go over and over and over and over and... you get the idea some topic and just won't let something go. That's drama for the sake of drama and again, men don't want that.
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and let them talk to it
