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I feel like it is only when it's necessary, although I'm sure he would see otherwise.
Once he joked that I don't work for my money, and I found this very insulting because I work my butt off. I asked him to please not say that because I do work hard - in that soft tone, using pretty much those words, and he started walking off.
See Van, you didn't handle that right. The only acceptable answer to something that disgustingly rude will rhyme with "duuuuuuuuuuuuck bluuuuuuuuuue."
It sounds like a horrible wish, but boy, sometimes I wish he'd just yell at me and get it over with, that way I am at least getting SOMETHING from him. Being ignored is just the most horrible thing in the world, especially if you are in tears and... nothing. I swear he just doesn't feel anything sometimes.
Well sort of yes, I normally find what i need to know in about the first two sentances. Its the following 15-20 minutes (or however long it may be ) of contantly hearing pretty much the same thing over and over again discribing feelings, backing up your origional statement etc that i normally shut down on, and peronally find very annoying.
In my opinon a previous poster was right (Forgoten her name sorry) if you want to get throught to your man do so in as few short sentances as possible and ask him for his opinion.
Still if he loved you your man would listen to your occasional lecture (by that i mean no more than once a month, I usually get an upset/angry lecture about twice a year) try to offer you a solution to your problems, give you a hug and tell you your silly for worrying about it in the first place etc.
If i ever got involved with a Drama Queen, i would be saying goodbye to her very quickly.
Last edited by danielsa1775; 05-25-2010 at 01:51 AM..
I feel like it is only when it's necessary, although I'm sure he would see otherwise.
Once he joked that I don't work for my money, and I found this very insulting because I work my butt off. I asked him to please not say that because I do work hard - in that soft tone, using pretty much those words, and he started walking off. I kept asking him what was wrong and he just ignored me. I was the upset one and somehow I ended up chasing after him.
Also on the weekend, we went for a drive to a place he wanted to see. He hadn't mapped the ride out so we drove around for hours and hours trying to find it. I was so angry that my weekend was being wasted doing this, and realised that if the shoe was on the other foot he would be in my ear about how I should have mapped it all out first, but I couldn't say anything, I had to just sit there and keep my mouth shut. If I had said one thing, even the smallest thing, he would have just gone off. It seems to be that there is one set of rules for him and one for me sometimes.
It just seems to be all about him and how things affect him.
Once he accidentally smashed my face with his elbow while we were out and about. He said sorry but it really hurt and I was holding my mouth because my lip was bleeding a little. 5 minutes later he was telling me if I don't stop making him feel bad he was going to go home. I wasn't trying to make him feel anything, I was in pain dammit!!!
The work thing I would have just let slide. I mean, there are bigger things to worry about right. Your boyfriend shouldn't be there to justify how hard you work, and how could he honestly have any idea how hard you work. I tell people about my job, which is tiring, and hard work. Yet, they think it sounds great.
The weekend ride, I also feel, you should have let go. Enjoy the moment, stuff happens, and you can either sulk, or make the most of it. I've had my weekend plans ruined. I could have sat around and been pissy about it, but instead I just deal with it, because lifes to short worry about "might have beens".
The elbow thing was a bit insensitive on his part. But, with all of the other little things you get upset about, it gets to be like trying to talk next to a raging river.
Sometimes I feel as though my boyfriend only ever wants to be around me when I am happy, laughing and positive.
Whenever I am upset or angry he completely shuts down. Doesn't want to talk about it, doesn't have time for it etc etc. If I say 'we need to talk' or 'can we talk about this' he usually just rolls his eyes and walks away, or gives me his attention, but with a filthy 'just hurry up and get whatever you want to say over with' look on his face. If we have an argument before bed he just rolls over and goes to sleep, despite me telling him I don't want us to go to bed angry. I usually cry myself to sleep!
I feel like we have a lot of unresolved issues and I hold in pretty much everything when it comes to my feelings.
Aren't relationships meant to be about taking the good with the bad?
As Marilyn Monroe once said "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best"!
P.S. please don't base your answers on my previous threads. Things have taken a bit of a turn lately and I'd just like some opinions on this current situation.. Ladies have you ever had a man do this to you? Guys, do ALL men behave like this?
Most women,but obviously not all, aren't able to express their issues to men in a manner that is low on emotion and doesn't sound like complaining.
A highly emotional rant may make a woman FEEL better, but is likely to leave a man feeling cold (or wishing he was elsewhere)
IMHO, if you can approach all issues (even emotionally charged ones) in as calm a manner as possible usually will provide the best results.
If it does NOT, then there are probably serious issues in the relationship.
Never dealing with any negative emotions from another person is not a real relationship. When he acts like he doesn't care or says he doesnt care- he doesn't. He wants fun only. That is a very shallow relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avienne
Asking him to talk about something or stating that you are not happy about something is not drama, and I am sick to death of men slapping that label on any display of emotion by a woman. WAY too many men use that term as a cop-out or a manipulative ploy because they can't nut up and handle the fact that their actions may be upsetting their partners. They use the term to diminish women and trivialize women's feelings and it is complete and absolute bullsh.
Unfortunately, I don't know a man who hasn't pulled that stunt at least once. Men have been trying that with women since time began. They used to call it "female hysteria," hence the roots of the word "hysteria" and its relationship to "hysterectomy." Now they simply accuse women of "drama."
Even my guy tried it and lemme tellya, my friend, the only way to handle it is to say clearly and very firmly that you do not appreciate him diminishing your feelings, disregarding what you have to say, and disrespecting what is important to you.
As for this latest turn of events, I suspect your guy is pulling the ol', "I don't want to be the one to break it off, so I'm just going to completely treat her like crap and push her away until she leaves me and in the meantime I still get laid" routine.
And I think you already know what I'm going to say next!
This is what I'm talking about. It is drama when you continually try to press the issue when your man clearly doesn't want to discuss it, at least not right now. Women need to accept the fact that most men don't like to argue, let alone engage in drama. If YOU can't handle that, that's your problem and not his. I bet your man is proud to have someone like you Yet, let him come to you about how your actions may **** him off and you'll go off on him
Why is no one reading the specific examples you've given and addressing why they consider them causing unpleasant drama and not legitimate issues that need to be dealt with?
All the men that are saying "what you need to realize is that men don't like drama, it's not fun" please specifically state why you think her examples qualify as unnessesary drama. Not everything negative is unnessesary!
I don't consider myself a particularly dramatic person. I don't expect anyone to help me solve my problems or give me a shoulder to cry on. Nevertheless, I wince when I hear the old adage that "men don't want to deal with drama". Accusing women of "drama" is a way of dismissing their feelings and indeed, any aspects of their lives that are separate from their relationships. What it's really saying is: "I'm in this relationship in order for YOU to make me happy and content, not the other way around. What YOU feel is not important, only what I feel. Your job is not as important as mine. My hobbies are cool, yours are pathetic. If you have a problem, whatever it is, I don't want to hear about it, except to the extent necessary to give me specific directions for an easy task, such as giving you a ride to the nearest ER. I care about you in the sense that I don't want you to die on me, but your life is less important than mine. You are a part of my life. However, I AM YOUR life. Nothing that happens to you should ever make me feel bad or put me outside my comfort zone. I just don't want to be bothered." Crying "drama", in other words, is a way to manipulate a woman into (1) shutting up about unpleasant stuff; and (2) getting her to doubt the legitimacy of her own concerns or desires. Based on what the OP has written, that's what's going on in her relationship.
That said, there are certain people -- and this in no way refers to the OP -- who constantly seem to be in one crisis or another. This would include people who constantly feel sick, without any evidence of an actual illness, people with heavy emotional baggage that makes it hard to deal with them, and those who just seem to blow everything completely out of proportion (excessive grief). These are people who suck the life out of you and poison everything around them. Basically, it's a type of attention-seeking behavior, and no one should have to put up with it. I don't think women exhibit this type of crap more than men -- I just think that women generally are more willing to tolerate it.
Sometimes I feel as though my boyfriend only ever wants to be around me when I am happy, laughing and positive.
Whenever I am upset or angry he completely shuts down. Doesn't want to talk about it, doesn't have time for it etc etc. If I say 'we need to talk' or 'can we talk about this' he usually just rolls his eyes and walks away, or gives me his attention, but with a filthy 'just hurry up and get whatever you want to say over with' look on his face. If we have an argument before bed he just rolls over and goes to sleep, despite me telling him I don't want us to go to bed angry. I usually cry myself to sleep!
I feel like we have a lot of unresolved issues and I hold in pretty much everything when it comes to my feelings.
Aren't relationships meant to be about taking the good with the bad?
As Marilyn Monroe once said "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best"!
P.S. please don't base your answers on my previous threads. Things have taken a bit of a turn lately and I'd just like some opinions on this current situation.. Ladies have you ever had a man do this to you? Guys, do ALL men behave like this?
Just how often are you upset or angry? What is causing these problems?
I'm fully capable of dealing with drama. It's the MANUFACTURED drama that I'm not going to put up with....especially if it's constant.
So basically, if someone is making constantly bad decisions or picks fights to spice things up then they aren't going to be in my life for long.
understandable drama = illness\death in family etc.
bad drama = spent all their money on great concert tix, get flat tire and can't afford new one...calls hysterical from side of road. (that's self inflicted drama)
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Yet, let him come to you about how your actions may **** him off and you'll go off on him
