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I think there are one of two reasons people snoop. Either their instincts are warning them that something isn't quite right (and often their instincts are correct), or they themselves aren't exactly trustworthy, and since they know what they are capable of, they suspect others of the same behavior. It's that "you can't B.S. a B.S.er" rule that comes into play.
I'm curious if the OP's boyfriend demonstrated any sort of sketchy behavior that raised her suspicions. If you do suspect something isn't right, then you'd be a fool not to investigate further. Too many people bury their heads in the sand and pretend that nothing's wrong for fear of having to deal with the issue at hand. For some it's easier to pretend it isn't happening so long as everything else is going well. In the OP's case, her instincts were correct.
Just asking, as my ex said that me constantly checking his history was a hindrance to our trust in one another.
A little background: I checked his history and found pornography of a disturbing nature. When I discovered it I cried, and it ate away at me so much I had to confront him about it, even though it made me look like a psycho for checking.
He stopped looking at it after he knew I checked (or just as likely just learned how to delete his history off the browser), but just the fact that I continued to check really disturbed him.
I guess I'm just an inveterately nosy person, and I don't know why you'd want to be intimate with someone and not know what sites they view on their free time. I understand it's a violation of trust to snoop. Doesn't stop the compulsion.
I don't check my husband's browsing history. Even if I had reason to speculate, I am more of a "just ask you" kind of person. Often there are more clues and behaviors going on than what's on the computer.
This is not really about porn (regardless of what she found) it's firstly about the need to snoop.
What if she had found nothing? What was she looking for and why? Those IMO are the more important questions. Finding disturbing porn only validates her "inveterate nosiness", it doesn't excuse it.
I disagree. If someone has a significant role in your life, what they choose to do affects you. If I suspect, I want to know so that I can deal with the reality of the significant other.
I think there are one of two reasons people snoop. Either their instincts are warning them that something isn't quite right (and often their instincts are correct), or they themselves aren't exactly trustworthy, and since they know what they are capable of, they suspect others of the same behavior. It's that "you can't B.S. a B.S.er" rule that comes into play.
I'm curious if the OP's boyfriend demonstrated any sort of sketchy behavior that raised her suspicions. If you do suspect something isn't right, then you'd be a fool not to investigate further. Too many people bury their heads in the sand and pretend that nothing's wrong for fear of having to deal with the issue at hand. For some it's easier to pretend it isn't happening so long as everything else is going well. In the OP's case, her instincts were correct.
Is it the same man who said that people shouldn't check backgrounds of others and respect privacy of others?
There was no indication from OP's post that she was suspecting something wasn't right.
Just asking, as my ex said that me constantly checking his history was a hindrance to our trust in one another.
...but just the fact that I continued to check really disturbed him.
I guess I'm just an inveterately nosy person, and I don't know why you'd want to be intimate with someone and not know what sites they view on their free time. I understand it's a violation of trust to snoop. Doesn't stop the compulsion.
What are your thoughts?
Do all those bolded parts really go together very well in your mind?
That's not any qualification of your ex's activities online, nor any remark about your having snooped in the past.
It's a question you need to ask yourself since those bolded things are YOUR words and it was YOUR situation described.
- my ex said it was a hindrance in our trust - I understand it's a violation of trust to snoop - I guess I'm just an inveterately nosy person, doesn't stop the compulsion
Does that make any sense to you when it's put together like that?
If you're going to snoop and be potentially upset about what you find OR you're going to question your own motivations and actions in snooping, the problem may not lie so much with what you find as it does with your reasons for snooping in the first place, and I suggest you come to grips with WHY you feel the need to snoop in the first place.
Since snoop was YOUR word for what you're doing, that tells me you're sneaking to do it rather than being open about the whole situation yourself, which means either your relationship or YOU have some major trust-issues, starting with communication.
Is it the same man who said that people shouldn't check backgrounds of others and respect privacy of others?
There was no indication from OP's post that she was suspecting something wasn't right.
Yes, you should respect others privacy, but if you suspect something isn't right you have to protect yourself. I did say that I am curious whether or not the OP's boyfriend gave her reason to suspect he was doing something behind her back. We won't know until she chimes in again.
Yes, you should respect others privacy, but if you suspect something isn't right you have to protect yourself. I did say that I am curious whether or not the OP's boyfriend gave her reason to suspect he was doing something behind her back. We won't know until she chimes in again.
In any other situation, you would have just adviced the OP to not snoop but simply communicate to your partner all the concerns and would actually reprimand her for snooping, but I guess your opinion changes depending on who is writing the original post.
I have been reading through your posts for way too long to know which head is now talking.
In any other situation, you would have just adviced the OP to not snoop but simply communicate to your partner all the concerns and would actually reprimand her for snooping, but I guess your opinion changes depends on who is writing the original post.
Yes, my opinion does vary from person to person, since each person's situation is different. I don't know the OP, so my original stance still holds...one of two things is happening here, either she knows she can't be trusted herself and so she's behaving accordingly, or there was something about his behavior that just seemed a little off.
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