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If she is not talking to you...don't bother to respond. Move on. Personally I don't think you owe her an explanation or an apology for your past. People do not change like that..they may hide it for a while but it is there festering.
So should I just take a hard line with her now and sort of lay it on the line "trust me and be with me, or don't and end this" and "I'm not gonna try to defend my actions from a previous relationship to you" or should I give her some time and leeway to "get it out of her system" first and see if she comes around with a cooler head?
Well from what you have described about her so far, she's not going to respond to an "ultimatum" of sorts. You've told her the situation about the video and either she is going to believe you or she's not....or she's going to make you crawl beneath her feet until she feels like letting it go.
Give her time to get over it. If she doesn't contact you then you know the answer. Good luck!
So should I just take a hard line with her now and sort of lay it on the line "trust me and be with me, or don't and end this" and "I'm not gonna try to defend my actions from a previous relationship to you" or should I give her some time and leeway to "get it out of her system" first and see if she comes around with a cooler head?
Don't take a defensive posture - simply look at her with a look of "have you lost your mind?".
Calmly explain that you will CONSIDER forgiving her for the snooping if she admits it was wrong and promises to act like a grownup from here on out.
The truth is, you had a long term relationship BEFORE you met her - she needs to be a big girl now and accept that your life did not begin the second you met her. Your explaination for why the video was still on your computer is completely understandable to REASONABLE people. If you act for ONE SECOND like you are guilty in any way then she will not learn the valuable lesson she needs to learn. Be willing to let her tell you how seeing the video made her feel, but DO NOT take responsibility for what SHE brought on herself.
If she is not talking to you...don't bother to respond. Move on. Personally I don't think you owe her an explanation or an apology for your past. People do not change like that..they may hide it for a while but it is there festering.
I agree. He tried talking to her. She wouldn't listen. He tried calling her, she won't pick up, yet she can text him to tell him how horrible he was for doing that.
Sounds like a one way street to me and no matter what the OP does in the future it will be a one way street. He'll have to walk on eggshells for the rest of his life with her unless she changes.
I think you are lucky to have found out that she is so clingy,possessive and nosy so early into the relationship. I would say sayonara,adios,dosfedonya,arrevaderci and kiss my fat Irish a**!
That's just a sign of her jealousy and insecurity, which are already recognizable.
I agree with Urban to an extent--I believe this girlfriend does want you to grovel. But I don't know that the two of you are automatically over. Because you really liked this girl up to this point, I advise you to just back WAY off--no more phone calls or texts except maybe ONE to say, "Call me when you are ready to talk"--and then just wait and see. Give her the chance to see what she is throwing away. If she cannot see that, good riddance, but perhaps she can. Everybody makes mistakes and has done juvenile things at times, but that is how we learn and grow.
I'd agree, JJ, except for a couple of little things:
I'd doubt this video, even if it was on an older hard drive hooked up, had a desktop icon reading Internet Explorer. She didn't just click on the PC and "accidentally" stumble across this, she had to go looking through files and folders. She was purposely and actively snooping, looking for things of which she would not approve.
And when she found something, she took him to dress over it and has not relented and is, in point of fact (per OP's words) NOT returning his calls.
Were it JUST a dreadful surprise she'd found by pulling out an encyclopedia and being taken aback as a hidden roll of 8mm film came spilling out like some bad scene in a movie, I'd agree with you -- but that's not how this situation occurred, not in the least. She went looking, found something and has decided to make the most of it. If THAT is any kind of glimpse into the future, it would be a future I wouldn't want.
Just an aside here, but this is one reason I dislike texting so much. I mean, it has its usefulness, but so often it is used to play passive-aggressive games.
OP... I think you should just be done with it.. like others have said, if shes like this now, she'll be like this later.. sucks, but.. jealousy is an AWFUL thing to deal with in relationships.. especially when it's because your SO is jealous or insecure about your past partners..
Bonus material included, also behind the scenes LMAO
LOL...HILARIOUS!! Ok, I better stop now before I get in trouble for going off topic.
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