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Old 05-28-2010, 11:27 AM
 
Location: Arizona
1,034 posts, read 3,956,231 times
Reputation: 1368

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I think you've had lots of time to mull this over and are mature enough to know this isn't just a passing desire. For some, the desire to become a parent can be overwhelming.

I met my husband on eHarmony. The best I can tell you is to be very honest and up front with women about wanting a family. I think you'll find more women are open to the idea of a family-man vs. dating a man who doesn't want or can't have children. I also would strongly encourage you to be open to dating single mothers. This will give you some great experience with children and will definitely help you decide if more children are desired. Single moms often have a difficult time finding men who are interested in them once they find out they have children, so I think this will open a lot of doors for you.

Lastly, be prepared for things to move rather quickly. I was 32 when I met my husband online. We were engaged 3 months after meeting and married less than a year after our first date. Due to some health issues, I wasn't able to try for a family right away, but we're working on it now. For those of us who have spent years and years dating, it is very apparent what we want/need in a partner and once you find that match, you won't want to let it go.
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Old 05-28-2010, 11:29 AM
 
8,680 posts, read 13,598,242 times
Reputation: 15284
Quote:
Originally Posted by Colddiamond102 View Post
LMAO! This is why you're becoming one of my favorite CD'ers. lol

Ive had to do the same thing..though usually its the 40+ group that like me. Im only 23 for Pete's sake! Maybe I just look old?

Anyhoo, OP if you want kids, go for it. Adoption, single moms, or meeting someone are all options.

Cheer up. You're only ancient to people my age.
Hee!

Many moons ago, long before everything was computerized and personals with voicemail in the Washington City Paper were considered cutting edge, I had one there. I was 26 and looking for 24-32, and sure enough, the 45-year-olds came calling. Some of them even had their secretaries call. You know what that was all about--they were married, or looking for someone to "keep."

Those were the days. You had to describe what you were wearing to each other so you could find each other at the meet-up place because you had no idea what each other looked like. Actually dated someone for a year whom I met that way. The advantage was that you'd actually have to talk on the telephone and, OMG, have a *gasp* conversation first, and the guy would have to muster up the guts to ask you out in real time.

Or, with Washingtonian, they'd write to your mailbox and the magazine would forward their letters to you. One guy sent me a picture of himself in a loincloth. Nice body but...a loincloth? What? Nooooo.

This is why I stayed away from Craigslist for dating when I got divorced. I hear the people there send photos, all right--just of the downstairs head.

So, Around The Dial, my other piece of advice is to stay away from the free sites unless you want to build a collection of amateur girlie photos. In fact, I'd say the more expensive the site, maybe the more serious its members are about finding a partner. Of course, there could be phonies on any site, but having to cough up some money will weed some of them out.

And think of it this way: You're seeking the future mother of your children. Might as well be as selective as you can.
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Old 05-28-2010, 11:46 AM
 
Location: Arizona
1,034 posts, read 3,956,231 times
Reputation: 1368
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avienne View Post
Hee!

Many moons ago, long before everything was computerized and personals with voicemail in the Washington City Paper were considered cutting edge, I had one there. I was 26 and looking for 24-32, and sure enough, the 45-year-olds came calling. Some of them even had their secretaries call. You know what that was all about--they were married, or looking for someone to "keep."

Those were the days. You had to describe what you were wearing to each other so you could find each other at the meet-up place because you had no idea what each other looked like. Actually dated someone for a year whom I met that way. The advantage was that you'd actually have to talk on the telephone and, OMG, have a *gasp* conversation first, and the guy would have to muster up the guts to ask you out in real time.

Or, with Washingtonian, they'd write to your mailbox and the magazine would forward their letters to you. One guy sent me a picture of himself in a loincloth. Nice body but...a loincloth? What? Nooooo.

This is why I stayed away from Craigslist for dating when I got divorced. I hear the people there send photos, all right--just of the downstairs head.

So, Around The Dial, my other piece of advice is to stay away from the free sites unless you want to build a collection of amateur girlie photos. In fact, I'd say the more expensive the site, maybe the more serious its members are about finding a partner. Of course, there could be phonies on any site, but having to cough up some money will weed some of them out.

And think of it this way: You're seeking the future mother of your children. Might as well be as selective as you can.
Totally agree here. I once had a man send me a head-to-toe shot of himself fully clothed. I thought nothing of it until my sister walked up behind me, looked over my shoulder at the photo and exclaimed how disgusting the guy was. I thought that was a little harsh, but apparently I was overlooking the fact that he was either a "large" man who had aroused himself prior to the photo, or he was enhancing the area with the help of a banana or other toy of the fallic nature (more likely).
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Old 05-28-2010, 11:47 AM
 
12,576 posts, read 13,640,780 times
Reputation: 8915
Quote:
Originally Posted by Around The Dial View Post
So here I am a man at 44 never married, no children. I was in a long term relationship for way too long with a woman who couldn't physically or emotionally have children. At the time I started dating her I had no thoughts of children. By age 32 I started having feelings about wanting a family yet stuck with her a few more years. So a late bloomer on even thoughts of children to begin with. I eventually had to end it for many reasons.

At age 39 I met another woman that did want to have kids and we had the same values on raising kids, religion, same sense of humor and similar love of movies, music etc. That went on and off for 5 years until it ended 6 months ago. I won't bore you with the details but it had nothing to do with me. She needed to be active in the bdsm community to the extreme and by all accounts cheated on me doing it when we were a couple after telling me continuously over the years this was part of her past. It had to be a lifestyle for her not just a few fun and games in the bedroom and no way I could give her that. So that was a really hard breakup.

I guess I am really torn about this. At 44 I can still have kids but it has always been hard to meet people and I am feeling really old right now and regretting past decisions. I have decided to try online dating. Eharmony and just joined okcupid to see what happens.

I do get views from women in their 40's and part of me thinks to myself, are kids so important when I could meet someone that I can hopefully have a good relationship with? I am really torn right now. Should I change my profile to be open to women my age and forget about kids? Should I still spend time trying to contact women 33-40 who could still have kids?

I can do both but I will always have the "what if" if I never have children. I had thought about the Big Brother program as a way to mentor boys and at least experience doing something positive/for kids. But worried about that nowadays. I have never really been around kids too. My sister and uncle the only ones with young kids in my family moved far away so I never grew up with them and my friends had kids long after we stopped being friends.

So I do think some sort of programs where I could be involved with kids would bring some satisfaction to me but I am really at a loss of how to find them plus my total lack of experience with children is pretty daunting.

Any advice? Hopefully more positive than "give it up dude".
My neighbors, though married for many years, just had their 2nd child and both are in their early 40s. It can be done.
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Old 05-28-2010, 04:07 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
3,398 posts, read 7,265,968 times
Reputation: 2848
Quote:
Originally Posted by redjan1225 View Post
Totally agree here. I once had a man send me a head-to-toe shot of himself fully clothed. I thought nothing of it until my sister walked up behind me, looked over my shoulder at the photo and exclaimed how disgusting the guy was. I thought that was a little harsh, but apparently I was overlooking the fact that he was either a "large" man who had aroused himself prior to the photo, or he was enhancing the area with the help of a banana or other toy of the fallic nature (more likely).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avienne View Post
Hee!

Many moons ago, long before everything was computerized and personals with voicemail in the Washington City Paper were considered cutting edge, I had one there. I was 26 and looking for 24-32, and sure enough, the 45-year-olds came calling. Some of them even had their secretaries call. You know what that was all about--they were married, or looking for someone to "keep."

Those were the days. You had to describe what you were wearing to each other so you could find each other at the meet-up place because you had no idea what each other looked like. Actually dated someone for a year whom I met that way. The advantage was that you'd actually have to talk on the telephone and, OMG, have a *gasp* conversation first, and the guy would have to muster up the guts to ask you out in real time.

Or, with Washingtonian, they'd write to your mailbox and the magazine would forward their letters to you. One guy sent me a picture of himself in a loincloth. Nice body but...a loincloth? What? Nooooo.

This is why I stayed away from Craigslist for dating when I got divorced. I hear the people there send photos, all right--just of the downstairs head.

.

Im sorry..but...BWHAHAAHAHAHA! LMAO! That makes me glad I only had my profiley thing for maybe 5 months. lol
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Old 05-28-2010, 06:17 PM
 
Location: Olympus Mons, Mars
6,102 posts, read 8,990,355 times
Reputation: 6364
just find a 30 year old and make it a priority to have kids if that is what you want... I know a lot of people with 10-15 yr age difference, it is not that big of a deal for a man. Just don't waste time on any women who make an issue with your age, there will always be women 30-35 who can have kids, want to have kids and do not mind dating a bit older.
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Old 05-28-2010, 07:08 PM
 
6,764 posts, read 20,086,927 times
Reputation: 4700
You can become a Big Brother and a mentor to a kid who needs a dad. There are so many boys who need a male influence.
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Old 05-28-2010, 07:13 PM
 
6,547 posts, read 10,257,570 times
Reputation: 8296
Quote:
Originally Posted by Around The Dial View Post
So here I am a man at 44 never married, no children. I was in a long term relationship for way too long with a woman who couldn't physically or emotionally have children. At the time I started dating her I had no thoughts of children. By age 32 I started having feelings about wanting a family yet stuck with her a few more years. So a late bloomer on even thoughts of children to begin with. I eventually had to end it for many reasons.

At age 39 I met another woman that did want to have kids and we had the same values on raising kids, religion, same sense of humor and similar love of movies, music etc. That went on and off for 5 years until it ended 6 months ago. I won't bore you with the details but it had nothing to do with me. She needed to be active in the bdsm community to the extreme and by all accounts cheated on me doing it when we were a couple after telling me continuously over the years this was part of her past. It had to be a lifestyle for her not just a few fun and games in the bedroom and no way I could give her that. So that was a really hard breakup.

I guess I am really torn about this. At 44 I can still have kids but it has always been hard to meet people and I am feeling really old right now and regretting past decisions. I have decided to try online dating. Eharmony and just joined okcupid to see what happens.

I do get views from women in their 40's and part of me thinks to myself, are kids so important when I could meet someone that I can hopefully have a good relationship with? I am really torn right now. Should I change my profile to be open to women my age and forget about kids? Should I still spend time trying to contact women 33-40 who could still have kids?

I can do both but I will always have the "what if" if I never have children. I had thought about the Big Brother program as a way to mentor boys and at least experience doing something positive/for kids. But worried about that nowadays. I have never really been around kids too. My sister and uncle the only ones with young kids in my family moved far away so I never grew up with them and my friends had kids long after we stopped being friends.

So I do think some sort of programs where I could be involved with kids would bring some satisfaction to me but I am really at a loss of how to find them plus my total lack of experience with children is pretty daunting.

Any advice? Hopefully more positive than "give it up dude".
Dude you can still have children!! Go lose some weight and get buff and get your testosterone in order! Then you will have less competition against men in their 20s and more chances at finding females because you are more experienced and smarter and older. Experience trumps immaturity and young ignorance! There is still time and hope!
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Old 05-28-2010, 07:21 PM
 
1,327 posts, read 1,926,445 times
Reputation: 984
Quote:
Originally Posted by Around The Dial View Post
So here I am a man at 44 never married, no children. I was in a long term relationship for way too long with a woman who couldn't physically or emotionally have children. At the time I started dating her I had no thoughts of children. By age 32 I started having feelings about wanting a family yet stuck with her a few more years. So a late bloomer on even thoughts of children to begin with. I eventually had to end it for many reasons.

At age 39 I met another woman that did want to have kids and we had the same values on raising kids, religion, same sense of humor and similar love of movies, music etc. That went on and off for 5 years until it ended 6 months ago. I won't bore you with the details but it had nothing to do with me. She needed to be active in the bdsm community to the extreme and by all accounts cheated on me doing it when we were a couple after telling me continuously over the years this was part of her past. It had to be a lifestyle for her not just a few fun and games in the bedroom and no way I could give her that. So that was a really hard breakup.

I guess I am really torn about this. At 44 I can still have kids but it has always been hard to meet people and I am feeling really old right now and regretting past decisions. I have decided to try online dating. Eharmony and just joined okcupid to see what happens.

I do get views from women in their 40's and part of me thinks to myself, are kids so important when I could meet someone that I can hopefully have a good relationship with? I am really torn right now. Should I change my profile to be open to women my age and forget about kids? Should I still spend time trying to contact women 33-40 who could still have kids?

I can do both but I will always have the "what if" if I never have children. I had thought about the Big Brother program as a way to mentor boys and at least experience doing something positive/for kids. But worried about that nowadays. I have never really been around kids too. My sister and uncle the only ones with young kids in my family moved far away so I never grew up with them and my friends had kids long after we stopped being friends.

So I do think some sort of programs where I could be involved with kids would bring some satisfaction to me but I am really at a loss of how to find them plus my total lack of experience with children is pretty daunting.

Any advice? Hopefully more positive than "give it up dude".
If you really want to have a kid you can go the egg donor & surrogate route for about $20K. Alternatively you can adopt. Both ways beat the hell out of risking your financial well being with child support and possible alimony if you got married or have a relationship with a woman and things go bad.
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Old 05-28-2010, 07:26 PM
 
8,680 posts, read 13,598,242 times
Reputation: 15284
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nutz76 View Post
If you really want to have a kid you can go the egg donor & surrogate route for about $20K. Alternatively you can adopt. Both ways beat the hell out of risking your financial well being with child support and possible alimony if you got married or have a relationship with a woman and things go bad.
Wow. We made it three whole pages before an appearance by one of the bitter guys.

There's hope!
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