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Old 05-28-2010, 07:30 PM
 
6,529 posts, read 10,200,579 times
Reputation: 8253

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nutz76 View Post
If you really want to have a kid you can go the egg donor & surrogate route for about $20K. Alternatively you can adopt. Both ways beat the hell out of risking your financial well being with child support and possible alimony if you got married or have a relationship with a woman and things go bad.
No. That's crazy. You don't sell yourself and your future child to random people. The joy of having children comes with raising them and having a family with your wife/husband. What kind of life comes with being a surrogate? I'd rather be a person with all the financial/divorce problems in the world and get to see my child's smiling face and "I love you Dad" all the time than a selfish single life that I made money off of giving away my sperm to a random woman and having nothing to do with my child's life.
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Old 05-28-2010, 08:12 PM
 
1,327 posts, read 1,918,946 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by allenk893 View Post
No. That's crazy. You don't sell yourself and your future child to random people. The joy of having children comes with raising them and having a family with your wife/husband. What kind of life comes with being a surrogate? I'd rather be a person with all the financial/divorce problems in the world and get to see my child's smiling face and "I love you Dad" all the time than a selfish single life that I made money off of giving away my sperm to a random woman and having nothing to do with my child's life.
Generally I agree that kids should grow up with two parents. And I think you misunderstood. What I was talking about is the male equivalent to a woman hitting a sperm bank in that a man can now go to a fertility clinic, flip through a portfolio of egg donors, have them fertilized with his sperm, and pay a woman to be the surrogate with him getting the child at the end of it all. It is a valid option for men now and it's massively cost effective when contrasted against child support and possible alimony.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Avienne View Post
Wow. We made it three whole pages before an appearance by one of the bitter guys.

There's hope!
Bitter my ass. 216 months of child support plus possible alimony or a flat $20-30K? You be the judge.
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Old 05-28-2010, 08:24 PM
 
9,925 posts, read 10,523,684 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nutz76 View Post
If you really want to have a kid you can go the egg donor & surrogate route for about $20K. Alternatively you can adopt. Both ways beat the hell out of risking your financial well being with child support and possible alimony if you got married or have a relationship with a woman and things go bad.
Parenting doesn't end when your babies turn 18. I've been raising kids for almost thirty years the way they are spaced. By the time the last one gets out of college it will be about thirty -two years of parenting.
When you enter the circle of life you should plan on it being a permanent situation. Your adult children may come to you for guidance, money or to drop off the grand kids.
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Old 05-28-2010, 08:31 PM
 
Location: The OC
1,215 posts, read 2,531,594 times
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Ummm my father is more than 20 years older than you, I am guessing he is around 68-69 now and he just had a kid with his gf (who is younger than me) at 28'ish? My dad is not rich either, if you make 50k a year than you probably make more than him. I now have a "half-sister" who is 30 yrs younger than me.
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Old 05-28-2010, 08:32 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,672 posts, read 34,546,019 times
Reputation: 11780
Quote:
Originally Posted by allenk893 View Post
No. That's crazy. You don't sell yourself and your future child to random people. The joy of having children comes with raising them and having a family with your wife/husband. What kind of life comes with being a surrogate? I'd rather be a person with all the financial/divorce problems in the world and get to see my child's smiling face and "I love you Dad" all the time than a selfish single life that I made money off of giving away my sperm to a random woman and having nothing to do with my child's life.
This.

But I think OP is searching for a relationship with a woman with whom he can raise a child or children.
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Old 05-28-2010, 09:09 PM
 
4,249 posts, read 8,289,681 times
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44 is young

I can't say you will find a partner, but I can say it can happen. Men older than you have become fathers. My dh became a father for the first time when he was 12 years older than you.
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Old 05-28-2010, 09:44 PM
 
Location: colorado
2,788 posts, read 4,489,476 times
Reputation: 3331
Quote:
Originally Posted by Around The Dial View Post
So here I am a man at 44 never married, no children. I was in a long term relationship for way too long with a woman who couldn't physically or emotionally have children. At the time I started dating her I had no thoughts of children. By age 32 I started having feelings about wanting a family yet stuck with her a few more years. So a late bloomer on even thoughts of children to begin with. I eventually had to end it for many reasons.

At age 39 I met another woman that did want to have kids and we had the same values on raising kids, religion, same sense of humor and similar love of movies, music etc. That went on and off for 5 years until it ended 6 months ago. I won't bore you with the details but it had nothing to do with me. She needed to be active in the bdsm community to the extreme and by all accounts cheated on me doing it when we were a couple after telling me continuously over the years this was part of her past. It had to be a lifestyle for her not just a few fun and games in the bedroom and no way I could give her that. So that was a really hard breakup.

I guess I am really torn about this. At 44 I can still have kids but it has always been hard to meet people and I am feeling really old right now and regretting past decisions. I have decided to try online dating. Eharmony and just joined okcupid to see what happens.

I do get views from women in their 40's and part of me thinks to myself, are kids so important when I could meet someone that I can hopefully have a good relationship with? I am really torn right now. Should I change my profile to be open to women my age and forget about kids? Should I still spend time trying to contact women 33-40 who could still have kids?

I can do both but I will always have the "what if" if I never have children. I had thought about the Big Brother program as a way to mentor boys and at least experience doing something positive/for kids. But worried about that nowadays. I have never really been around kids too. My sister and uncle the only ones with young kids in my family moved far away so I never grew up with them and my friends had kids long after we stopped being friends.

So I do think some sort of programs where I could be involved with kids would bring some satisfaction to me but I am really at a loss of how to find them plus my total lack of experience with children is pretty daunting.

Any advice? Hopefully more positive than "give it up dude".

Your still young enough to have kids
If you want I have 2 teenage boys already broken in...you can have them...lol...just kidding
I'd say meet someone special who wants a family and start working on it.
The fun part is making babies...lol
Good luck
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Old 05-28-2010, 10:14 PM
Status: "A Communist? Or just a Kham'nist?" (set 25 days ago)
 
Location: Dallas, TX
4,234 posts, read 2,263,229 times
Reputation: 3955
My advice is the opposite:

Consider yourself fortunate that you don't have kids. They're a drain on your money, you'll have more pressure to buy them this and that, and generally more pressure to pursue the all-American, picket-fence, keep-up-with-the-Joneses lifestyle - not to mention have a few more headaches to worry about. You'll likely daydream wistfully about having peace-and-quiet on demand. Don't even ask about the risk of divorce and such, especially the effect it'll have on children. Besides, you can take all the money you otherwise would have spent on your kids and either spend it on yourself, max out your retirement, or give it to charities for already-existing children truly in need of help. Also, if you're religious, you won't have to worry about them going to Hell or whatever your belief system (if any) has as an equivalent.
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Old 05-29-2010, 11:26 AM
 
383 posts, read 693,402 times
Reputation: 293
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil75230 View Post
My advice is the opposite:

Consider yourself fortunate that you don't have kids. They're a drain on your money, you'll have more pressure to buy them this and that, and generally more pressure to pursue the all-American, picket-fence, keep-up-with-the-Joneses lifestyle - not to mention have a few more headaches to worry about. You'll likely daydream wistfully about having peace-and-quiet on demand. Don't even ask about the risk of divorce and such, especially the effect it'll have on children. Besides, you can take all the money you otherwise would have spent on your kids and either spend it on yourself, max out your retirement, or give it to charities for already-existing children truly in need of help. Also, if you're religious, you won't have to worry about them going to Hell or whatever your belief system (if any) has as an equivalent.
Completely agree with you.

Dont' risk having all your money squeezed from you for child support, there are better things to do with money.

When you reach your 50s you will want peace and quiet, not a screaming kid running around, then you will regret having him. Stay as you are, enjoy your freedom, find some women for fun but don't have kids with them!!!
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Old 05-29-2010, 11:32 AM
 
3,261 posts, read 4,742,638 times
Reputation: 3968
Quote:
Originally Posted by nuala View Post
44 is young

I can't say you will find a partner, but I can say it can happen. Men older than you have become fathers. My dh became a father for the first time when he was 12 years older than you.

I was thinking the same thing. 44 ain't nothin', especially for a man.

OP, there's plenty of time for your wish for a family of your own to come true. I hate to bring this option up, for fear of diverting from topic, but if you include young single mothers who are still interested in growing thier family, you may increase your options. Yes, there are some obstacles you may need to consider if you go that route, but there are plenty of good and grounded women in this situation looking for a "family man".
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