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Old 05-31-2010, 04:32 AM
 
Location: Canada
5,791 posts, read 6,739,933 times
Reputation: 8354

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As a childless woman, posts like yours stand out for me because I always wanted children. It is not too late for you to have children and I tend to agree with Nutz76's posts.

While there is nothing wrong in dating younger than your age, please don't make that your only criteria. I think that the key to finding love is not to have a big mental list of attributes that you are checking off but to keep an open mind. Nothing would be worse than marrying with the explicit goal of having children, and then find the marriage itself is no good.

I think that by keeping your mind open to all the possibilities of love and not nailing down what 'family' means, you have a much better chance of a having a successful life - with, or without children. Many older fathers are better fathers than men who are basically boys having children, with no idea on how to be fathers.

If dating much younger than your age never was your thing or you can't see yourself being able to relate to someone much younger than yourself, don't let yourself get caught up in the fertility angle to the detriment of the rest of it.

Families can consist of stepchildren and surrogacy, as Nutz pointed out. People like to throw out the adoption angle to childless people as though it is as simple as adopting a puppy when in fact it is time-consuming and expensive. It is not unknown for women in their 40s to have children, but neither is it as common or as easy as some people think it is.

What I'm saying is that future children is not a good enough reason to limit your dating to younger women. Look for a connection with the women themselves first before evaluating their child-bearing potential. Be open about the fact that you want children but don't make that the defining criteria. Most people take their fertility for granted, and are concerned only with preventing unwanted pregnancies but infertility can strike anyone (my husband and I have 'unexplained' infertility), of any age - even younger women. And there would be a whole 'nuther world of hurt in marrying someone for their presumed fertility, but whom you don't really connect on other levels, only to discover that for some reason you can't have children.
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Old 05-31-2010, 12:53 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,906 posts, read 37,128,419 times
Reputation: 42553
Quote:
Originally Posted by thriftylefty View Post
Its too late for me to know how much money I would have if I didn't spend it on Kids, but I have plenty of 50-ish male friends who don't have kids. I would bet they spend at least as much on ; Booze, eating out, motorcycles, guitars, fair weather sports cars that stay garaged, boats, Fishing and hunting gear, not to mention the inherent cost of dating for 25 years,... as I spend on kids.
For instance I'm going to the Kiddie Pool for the holidays, my single brother has to go the Beach
Haha, nice post.
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Old 05-31-2010, 12:57 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,906 posts, read 37,128,419 times
Reputation: 42553
Quote:
Originally Posted by DMoon View Post
I'm sorry your lament is rather self serving and ridiculous. If you were a 44 year old woman that would be different story, but as a men, as long as you have no health problems you can produce viable sperm well into your 60's.

Instead of lamenting a long lost youth, you can still have children--its up to you to find someone that is compatible with your family goals and lifestyle.
There is nothing wrong with being a 44-year-old man who wants to have children. Maybe he doesn't want to be 60 and siring a kid. He wants to RAISE his children, which is great, especially for the children! I don't see a thing wrong with not wanting to be pushing 80 when your child graduates high school.
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Old 05-31-2010, 11:08 PM
 
Location: Midwest
160 posts, read 411,334 times
Reputation: 82
If you marry someone who has kids....they'll be yours too. You don't just marry the woman, you marry the whole family. You may be a blessing to her kids.
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Old 06-17-2010, 09:45 AM
 
Location: New Zealand and Australia
7,456 posts, read 11,777,395 times
Reputation: 7783
Go dump your load in a few broads this weekend and you are still a chance.
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Old 06-17-2010, 09:58 PM
 
Location: state of procrastination
3,487 posts, read 6,485,242 times
Reputation: 2891
Definitely look for women 20-34, no older. This is esp true if you can't even come up with 20k for adoption. Fertility treatments, surrogacy, and everything else costs way more.
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Old 06-19-2010, 12:45 AM
 
118 posts, read 243,611 times
Reputation: 185
I think you have to be really honest with yourself here!

At 44....you do begin to decline physically in some ways. Trust me I know! Would you be a fully functioning energetic parent in 10-15 years or more to a child that you bought into the world, or would supporting that child physically fall on your mate?

Sure, emotionally and financially you may be supportive but the physical component is not to be dismissed.

Kids need to be engaged. Having recreational time, being actively on board to support their pursuits is extremely important.

As the parent of a 15 year old, I know. It is a challenge. It is not fair, not to be able to fully support extracurricular activities, summer sports and recreation, and I don't mean just sitting in the bleachers.

Honestly, most kids don't like an "old" parent. My apologies if this seems mean. I too am in my 40's and I know how teens act and feel. It is not easy. Just had to put that out there. The challenges of rearing children as an older parent are taxing.

On the flip side, my child does help me stay young!

Parenting is the best job I've ever had, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Success to you!
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