U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-29-2010, 09:53 AM
 
Location: Houston, Texas
1,084 posts, read 1,461,404 times
Reputation: 499

Advertisements

The question I have is when you get married will she allow your two incomes to merge into one bank account? When you marry, your two lives become one, so your finances should unite just as your lives unite. I think this is the biggest danger that comes from women making more. They might be less likely to give their hard earned money to the husband and family. But if she does pool her money with her husband's income and as long as she doesn't think she is entitled to anything because she is putting more into the pool, then how much she makes shouldn't make a difference.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-29-2010, 10:02 AM
 
Location: Houston, Texas
1,084 posts, read 1,461,404 times
Reputation: 499
Oh I think part of the problem might be envisioning a time when the guy might have to ask for money. "Can I buy a Harley sweety?" If she makes more money she might be mire inclined to say no. And it might not be something like a gift for himself. Maybe it's golf clubs, but he plays golf with his clients and having an expensive set of clubs would be important. Just an example and the young guy who is courting the lawyer can't tell WHAT he's going to have to buy in the future but he doesn't want her to think she can dictate what he should be allowed to buy, even if he needs her financial help to do it. Marriages are united and she is supposed to merge her bank account with his. A lot of guys still believe this and might feel that she isn't going to be willing to do it.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-29-2010, 10:02 AM
 
Location: Beautiful New England
2,412 posts, read 6,791,334 times
Reputation: 3067
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
And why is it only emasculating if it is a woman you're in a relationship with? Why not every woman who makes more than you do?
Because at the end of the day, to traditionalists -- especially chauvinistic traditionalists -- the money is about having power over someone. Other women earning more is only threatening in the abstract, is only threatening to the power of men in general having power over women in general. It's more removed and, hence, less threatening (and, of course, not subject to the control of one person)

But when it comes to a specific person, the chauvinist seeks to assert power over the woman in any way possible and money is an integral part of that.

That is why the chauvinist finds it so "emasculating" -- because he feels a sense of power associated with earning more than her, and conversely he feels threatened if she earns more than he does. Instead of viewing the relationship as a psycho-social partnership, the chauvinist sees it ultimately as a power arrangement over which he must assert authority or else his masculinity is threatened.

It is, at its core, about an insecure man feeling threatened. It's rather common in poor, traditionalistic cultures where there is less emphasis upon individualism and family bonds are often unhealthily too close. Such societies often produce an abdunace of emotionally stunted men.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-29-2010, 10:15 AM
 
Location: Texas
44,255 posts, read 58,521,401 times
Reputation: 73658
Hm...my dad makes all the money in our house (and they are from a traditional culture) and I can't see him asserting power over my mom...LOL!!!!!!
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-29-2010, 10:50 AM
 
Location: Houston, Texas
1,084 posts, read 1,461,404 times
Reputation: 499
Quote:
Originally Posted by professorsenator View Post
Because at the end of the day, to traditionalists -- especially chauvinistic traditionalists -- the money is about having power over someone. Other women earning more is only threatening in the abstract, is only threatening to the power of men in general having power over women in general. It's more removed and, hence, less threatening (and, of course, not subject to the control of one person)...

...That is why the chauvinist finds it so "emasculating" -- because he feels a sense of power associated with earning more than her, and conversely he feels threatened if she earns more than he does.
That is not true AT ALLL. Do you know what emasculation means? It means to remove manhood. Manhood is a strong, take charge, provider who cares for his family and keeps them safe. Emasculation minimizes the importance of that instinct or drive within men. It's insulting to tell a man that he shouldn't be a man.

This issue is about a woman NOT exerting control over her man. Men are used to paying for everything. The more, what you would call, "chauvinistic" a man is, the more likely he is to pay for the date. But it's not about exerting control. The woman he is wooing is special to him. He wants to entice her, to win her. Not to trap her into servitude, but to give him someone to cherish all if his life.

Men are used to paying. We are born as natural providers. We LIKE taking care of our ladies. We LIKE being the provider. It goes along with what it means to be a man. A woman who makes more money is a wildcard. You don't know if she is going to keep the money for herself and use it to exert control over you or if she wants to be an equal partner in life.

THAT is the root if why it's emmasculating. Take it from a guy who feels it. You don't feel it so you don't understand.

Answer me thus question: do you believe married couples should have a joint account? Should they merge their income? If they have seperate bank accounts, then they can't be equal. The reason they won't share is because they feel an imbalance. You can't have imbalance and be equal. You just can't. So two equal spouses MUST join their lives, including the finances.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-29-2010, 10:54 AM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
4,489 posts, read 10,219,932 times
Reputation: 3679
Quote:
Originally Posted by smartalx View Post
Oh I think part of the problem might be envisioning a time when the guy might have to ask for money. "Can I buy a Harley sweety?" If she makes more money she might be mire inclined to say no. And it might not be something like a gift for himself. Maybe it's golf clubs, but he plays golf with his clients and having an expensive set of clubs would be important. Just an example and the young guy who is courting the lawyer can't tell WHAT he's going to have to buy in the future but he doesn't want her to think she can dictate what he should be allowed to buy, even if he needs her financial help to do it. Marriages are united and she is supposed to merge her bank account with his. A lot of guys still believe this and might feel that she isn't going to be willing to do it.
No one should ever assert power over their spouse, male or female.

I make slightly more than my husband, but not enough to make a significant difference (~10% more). Every single purchase is a joint discussion. When he wanted/needed a new car, we sat down and figured out how much we were comfortable spending. When I wanted to go on vacation, same story. Everything over ~$50-100 is discussed and agreed upon before we buy it.

Even if I made 100% of our income, and my husband stayed home, I'd ask him before I purchased anything of significance. There is no "my money" or "your money", it's all our money, and it should all be agreed upon.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-29-2010, 11:16 AM
 
4,100 posts, read 6,663,687 times
Reputation: 5662
I for one, have never given what my wife earns much thought. She lost her job, (along with 50 other fellow employees) a year ago last March. I never did know what she earned, per month. I've never had any money worries since I was divorced from my first wife. I don't really care whether or not my second wife works, if she wants to work, that's fine and if she doesn't that's fine. I wouldn't care if she made more money than I do, it would be her's to do what she wants with it. She is the kind of person who would share what she has, as I have shared what I have with her over the years. If she didn't, I wouldn't care.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-29-2010, 11:18 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
6,777 posts, read 12,620,845 times
Reputation: 6546
Quote:
Originally Posted by professorsenator View Post
Because at the end of the day, to traditionalists -- especially chauvinistic traditionalists -- the money is about having power over someone. Other women earning more is only threatening in the abstract, is only threatening to the power of men in general having power over women in general. It's more removed and, hence, less threatening (and, of course, not subject to the control of one person)

But when it comes to a specific person, the chauvinist seeks to assert power over the woman in any way possible and money is an integral part of that.

That is why the chauvinist finds it so "emasculating" -- because he feels a sense of power associated with earning more than her, and conversely he feels threatened if she earns more than he does. Instead of viewing the relationship as a psycho-social partnership, the chauvinist sees it ultimately as a power arrangement over which he must assert authority or else his masculinity is threatened.

It is, at its core, about an insecure man feeling threatened. It's rather common in poor, traditionalistic cultures where there is less emphasis upon individualism and family bonds are often unhealthily too close. Such societies often produce an abdunace of emotionally stunted men.
I thought she asked Antlered, why don't you let him answer for himself?
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-29-2010, 11:19 AM
 
Location: Houston, Texas
1,084 posts, read 1,461,404 times
Reputation: 499
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliTerp07 View Post
No one should ever assert power over their spouse, male or female...


... There is no "my money" or "your money", it's all our money, and it should all be agreed upon.
That's good. You are a good wife. There does remain a question though, when a boy meets a girl who makes more than him. "Is she going to lord her money over me? I know I wouldn't because I exercise the fact that I don't lord my money over her every time we go out on a date. But when the time comes to join lives, how far is she going to be willing to go? Right now her money is hers. What about after the wedding?"
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-29-2010, 11:21 AM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,011 posts, read 27,561,026 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Redisca View Post
I remembered an amusing story about antlers, but the mods would probably delete it, anyway; we are getting seriously off-topic, though I admit I started it. Mea culpa, mea culpa.
Yes, you did

Think of it this way. No man wants his future son look at him as Mr. Mom. It's humiliating. It goes against the daddy rule book. Dad's like the leader of the herd. The dome of responsibility. He's seen as the protector of the family where everyone sees him and finds peace in his shade.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2021, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top