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Old 05-28-2010, 02:54 PM
 
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I am dating a lawyer right now and she makes a little more than double than me. Am I intimidated? Nope. I was living just fine before I met her. However, one of my employees is dating a pharmacist and she makes 4 times as much as him and he says it makes him feel really inadequate. To which I ask why? I mean if you like a person, what does it matter?
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Old 05-28-2010, 03:04 PM
 
Location: Sierra Nevada Land, CA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by john-ever-learning View Post
I am dating a lawyer right now and she makes a little more than double than me. Am I intimidated? Nope. I was living just fine before I met her. However, one of my employees is dating a pharmacist and she makes 4 times as much as him and he says it makes him feel really inadequate. To which I ask why? I mean if you like a person, what does it matter?
I'm married to a lawyer and she makes double what I make. I love it! It's nice to not have money worries.

With that said, men who base their self worth on money and possessions are going to have issues and feel inadequate. Those who don't could care less. My self worth is based on my relationships (with people and God) where I live and the nonwork activities that I do.

I like my job, but my job simply enables me to live where I do. My job and my earning power is not who I am. And, yes, I was doing just fine moneywise before I met my wife 18 years ago.
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Old 05-28-2010, 03:21 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
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Guess I'm old fashioned. That would be emasculation for me Sorry to all ye Mr.Wife's out there
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Old 05-28-2010, 03:22 PM
 
Location: NYC area
3,486 posts, read 5,357,240 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka View Post
Guess I'm old fashioned. That would be emasculation for me Sorry to all ye Mr.Wife's out there
Funny how men in the Good Old Days negotiated dowries and married for money without feeling castrated.
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Old 05-28-2010, 03:28 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,011 posts, read 27,582,938 times
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Originally Posted by Redisca View Post
Funny how men in the Good Old Days negotiated dowries and married for money without feeling castrated.
A lot of wimps in my culture still accept dowry My father didn't, I'm not going to, neither will my brother

I'm not trying to be a chauvinist, but there is a reason children get the father's last name. It's how the world works. Some men can stomach the emasculation, those with antlers can't
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Old 05-28-2010, 03:34 PM
 
Location: Troy, Il
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I accepted a dowry, my wife's parents insisted on it. In our relationship i make 80% of the income and i prefer it that way. My wife is going to be making a lot more money when she gets done with her phd and it may be more than me, but hopefully my salary increases. I dont hope, on the otherhand that she makes less, i would still that prefer the extra money.
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Old 05-29-2010, 05:31 AM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
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Well, traditionally, I believe that the bride's family pays for a wedding. However, if there is no wedding, or no family to speak of, I don't suppose any of that would apply.

I'm not intimidated, because none of the women I have dated worked.
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Old 05-29-2010, 06:48 AM
 
Location: Not.here
2,828 posts, read 3,979,775 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by john-ever-learning View Post
I am dating a lawyer right now and she makes a little more than double than me. Am I intimidated? Nope. I was living just fine before I met her. However, one of my employees is dating a pharmacist and she makes 4 times as much as him and he says it makes him feel really inadequate. To which I ask why? I mean if you like a person, what does it matter?

Insecurity has many faces. It can be about the money the partner is making, the level of education the partner has achieved, the type of job the partner holds, their friends, etc. There is always an internal competition going on about "something" with the partner that is affected.
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Old 05-29-2010, 06:52 AM
 
Location: Corydon, IN
3,687 posts, read 4,660,433 times
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In our "enlightened" age it's not supposed to matter who earns the higher paycheck since marriage is supposed to be all about love and partnership and complete sharing, etc, etc, etc.

And that really is the way I look at it.


However, I find that as many men who have difficulty with a wife who earns more, there are just as many women who have difficulty with the very same thing -- earning more than their husbands. I find (and please, I'm aware it's not EVERY couple out there, so let's not start that) wives who begin to earn more than their husbands when that was NOT the case from the outset often leave those husbands for "better men" who, coincidentally, earn more than they do.

As for the men who feel emasculated about that -- to each his own, but I think that's nonsense. If she wants to get out there and earn the bucks, I'm all for it, so long as she offers me the same considerations I offered and she expected when I was the chief breadwinner rather than taking it as an opportunity to now lord it over me as though it's a form of subjugation.

Then again I've always felt that being a true housewife -- not the image of soap operas and bon-bons that many feel is the truth, but TRUE housewifery:
- Laundry
- meals
- cleaning
- childcare (which is SO much more than diapers and meals)
- household shopping
- bargain-hunting to stretch the household money as far as it can go
- finding ways to save for the benefit of the household
- gathering "village" information to share with the chief breadwinner, whose focus is elsewhere, so that he/she can make more informed decisions
- protecting hearth and home while the partner is away

... all of these things, if one actually DOES them, add up to quite a hefty job indeed, and as far as I'm concerned having a home like this is precisely WHY whichever partner is breadwinner is out there winning the bread, NOT because "I'm the man, this is what I do; you're the woman, this is what YOU do."

My wife had just begun her Masters program when we met and was still a year away from it when we married. My salary was significantly more than hers then.

SINCE achieving her Masters, AND because she works in a field where Masters, PLUS time/grade in her field add up to higher earnings (teaching), her salary has since then passed my own by a significant amount within a relatively short time.

I still work but went from earning 70 percent of the household money to earning about 40 percent. She out-earns me now, her job is far more secure than mine, and my field, IT, is becoming dreadfully saturated with younger, more knowledgeable people than I coming in daily. Shortly I'll be taking classes to switch to Nursing, for better pay and security and because there's a shortage of men in the field so my chances are good (being strong, multi-lingual and confident).

About 2.5 years from now my earnings should match or be slightly more than hers, unless she lands an administrative job, in which case she'll be higher than me again.

Point is, I don't care because it's not her earning more than me or me earning more than her; it's money coming into the home.

For all her earning power my wife can't manage money, is horrible with household chores, pretty bad with 90 percent of yard work and terrible at communication with anything regarding business, not to mention she's unbelievably indecisive, taking wishy-washy to a whole new dimension.

So I pick up the slack there. Isn't that what it's SUPPOSED to be?

As I said, since I always believed true housewifery was a REAL job anyway, I don't care who does it or who earns the bread, so long as both are being taken care of and no one is being treated like a second-class citizen.

Last edited by Urban Sasquatch; 05-29-2010 at 07:03 AM..
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Old 05-29-2010, 07:00 AM
 
Location: NYC area
3,486 posts, read 5,357,240 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka View Post
Some men can stomach the emasculation, those with antlers can't
Are you sure? Because you know, the antlers would seem to suggest otherwise. Being antlers an' all.
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