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My husband and I have been married for 6 years and are in our early 30's. We don't have any kids yet. But I find myself thinking about the fact that I've grown so used to the DINK lifestyle, that I find it hard to imagine myself as a parent. When I read the Facebook status updates of some of my friends, they often discuss how exhausted from the kids they are--their posts just sound weary. I've grown accustomed to things like being able to do what I want when I want, going out for dinner with my hubby whenever we want, sleeping late on the weekends, spending a whole night laying on the couch with a good book, etc. In addition, I feel that I really don't have the energy necessary to be a parent. I don't know how people work and parent and take care of the house. I am unable to keep on top of the household chores with just the two of us, because I feel that I just don't have enough energy to get the chores done. Most days we feel so tired that we eat take-out every night b/c we're too tired to cook or grocery shop.
I feel that having a family is important to me, but I don't feel that I am capable of the day-to-day work required in parenting.
My husband is very ready to become a father and feels he is ready to take on parenting tasks, even though he works 70 hours per week and is never home.
Anyone have any thoughts about this?
Well ahhh if he works 70 hours a week, how the hell is he going to have enough strength to make a baby and when is he going to find the time to make one?
Hey, don't do what societal norms tell you to do. DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. There is no arguments that kids will put a stop to your current enjoyable lifestyle. Ya gotta start your own life before you start some one elses.
I think you and your husband need to have a good talk about this b/c I think you might be misreading how much he wants kids. In other words, I think he's more serious than you think. Not that I know him, but putting myself in his shoes...he works hard, 70 hours a week -- for what?? For what does he sacrifice so much? What makes it all worth it, getting up so early, fighting traffic, dealing with all those difficult clients and the stress? Well, pampering his wife, yes, but I'm sure he's thinking, why am I working so hard and living like a cog in a wheel...there must be more to this -- yes, I must procreate! I must have children! That would make it worth it! So, yeah, I think you really need to seriously take his needs into consideration. Just my 2 cents. And yes, as a parent, I do understand how you feel as I was once a DINK and I definitely miss those independence days, but kids are definitely amazing and I have no regrets.
I used to feel like because I don't want kids I am immature - that's the way others tend to make me feel anyway - but after my time on this forum I have seen that I am not the only one out there which is nice!
Please don't force yourself into something you don't want just because society says it's what you should be doing. Good luck lovely!
My husband and I have been married for 6 years and are in our early 30's. We don't have any kids yet. But I find myself thinking about the fact that I've grown so used to the DINK lifestyle, that I find it hard to imagine myself as a parent. When I read the Facebook status updates of some of my friends, they often discuss how exhausted from the kids they are--their posts just sound weary. I've grown accustomed to things like being able to do what I want when I want, going out for dinner with my hubby whenever we want, sleeping late on the weekends, spending a whole night laying on the couch with a good book, etc. In addition, I feel that I really don't have the energy necessary to be a parent. I don't know how people work and parent and take care of the house. I am unable to keep on top of the household chores with just the two of us, because I feel that I just don't have enough energy to get the chores done. Most days we feel so tired that we eat take-out every night b/c we're too tired to cook or grocery shop.
I feel that having a family is important to me, but I don't feel that I am capable of the day-to-day work required in parenting.
My husband is very ready to become a father and feels he is ready to take on parenting tasks, even though he works 70 hours per week and is never home.
Anyone have any thoughts about this?
First off, I think you need to get a physical. Anyone that is that tired, with zero kids to take care of, has a problem. I suspect you need to take better care of yourself. Either you are not getting enough exercise and eating properly, or something else is going on. I'm a heck of a lot older than you are, and I'm out running and working out AFTER a full day at work, and THEN come home, do yardwork, and get dinner together for my son.
However, I do want to add this: It's been just me and my son for many years, and frankly, he is a hell of lot less work than my husband was!!!! No question about it. Life is much easier and more carefree without a spouse.
Bottom line...you need to tell your fella you aren't ready for kids, and you aren't sure you ever will be. 70 hours a week will put the burden on you, and frankly, you don't sound like you have what it takes.
The fact that your husband works so much will only mean that you won't get much help from him. It will be you and only you getting up at night, changing diapers, feeding, etc...
That's why I'm biting my tongue to keep from saying what I think about the husband's "readiness" to become a parent.
Frankly, unless he's planning to cut back on his hours or they are in a position for her to be a stay-at-home mom, he sounds like he's being a bit cavalier about it, which inspires no positive words for him from me.
I think you and your husband need to have a good talk about this b/c I think you might be misreading how much he wants kids. In other words, I think he's more serious than you think. Not that I know him, but putting myself in his shoes...he works hard, 70 hours a week -- for what?? For what does he sacrifice so much? What makes it all worth it, getting up so early, fighting traffic, dealing with all those difficult clients and the stress? Well, pampering his wife, yes, but I'm sure he's thinking, why am I working so hard and living like a cog in a wheel...there must be more to this -- yes, I must procreate! I must have children! That would make it worth it! So, yeah, I think you really need to seriously take his needs into consideration. Just my 2 cents. And yes, as a parent, I do understand how you feel as I was once a DINK and I definitely miss those independence days, but kids are definitely amazing and I have no regrets.
What sacrifice? He's going to inseminate her and go back to work, leaving her to do all the child-rearing. Screw that.
@Bass101, I am currently in my late 40s. I have only had one child, a son. I had him when I was 35.
I've always wanted 2 kids. But, it was only in the cards for me to have just 1 child, and I feel very blessed to even have him.
Having children isn't something everybody needs to do, nor should feel they have to. You should only have a child because you long to be a parent. I've always loved kids and wanted no more than 2.
I waited to become a parent, and became one only when I felt I was ready. However, as much as you feel you're ready for it, there's still a lot of challenges. Nothing worth while ever comes easy, and that's certainly true of parenting.
Once you become a parent, you will feel the true depth of love as you have never in your life felt it before. You then understand the true meaning of unconditional love, and what it truly means to bring a life into the world.
Being a parent, is amazing. Having a child is a very, very soul-moving experience. If you venture to become a parent, it will be one of the most profoundly life-defining moments you'll ever experience.
I'm happy that I made the choice to be a parent. I have a great kid and I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world.
Hope things work out for you the way you want them to.
We are DINKs and my reason for not having kids is simple; the thought of parenting never interested me.
When you have kids you make time for them, bottom line. To put them down on the priority list is just selfish, they didn't ask to be born.
There is no rule saying you have to have kids and those who may pressure you are not going to help take care of them.
Oh, start eating healthier, you'll have more energy & feel better.
First off, I think you need to get a physical. Anyone that is that tired, with zero kids to take care of, has a problem. I suspect you need to take better care of yourself. Either you are not getting enough exercise and eating properly, or something else is going on. I'm a heck of a lot older than you are, and I'm out running and working out AFTER a full day at work, and THEN come home, do yardwork, and get dinner together for my son.
Wow--reading about all that you do made me tired just reading that! I did get a physical/full bloodwork (including thyroid) in February and everything was normal. I don't know why I have this lack of energy except that I've always been this way, though lately I've felt it more than usual. I think I eat pretty well--never eat fast food, am vegetarian and eat a pretty healthy diet overall. I don't drink or smoke or consume any caffeine. I get about 8 hours of sleep a night or more. After an 8 hour day I take a 2-hour nap, pick up some take-out, and lay on the couch watching a movie. I don't have the energy for housework or anything else. How do you have all this energy?
Wow--reading about all that you do made me tired just reading that! I did get a physical/full bloodwork (including thyroid) in February and everything was normal. I don't know why I have this lack of energy except that I've always been this way, though lately I've felt it more than usual. I think I eat pretty well--never eat fast food, am vegetarian and eat a pretty healthy diet overall. I don't drink or smoke or consume any caffeine. I get about 8 hours of sleep a night or more. After an 8 hour day I take a 2-hour nap, pick up some take-out, and lay on the couch watching a movie. I don't have the energy for housework or anything else. How do you have all this energy?
You take a 2-hour NAP???? And you are HOW OLD?? You have no energy because you don't do anything. THAT is the problem. Join a gym and start getting some regular, serious, exercise. Otherwise, you'll be old before your time...trust me.
Not meaning to sound critical mind you. But you really are doing your body a disservice, and you only get one. Exercise is what GIVES you energy...not taking naps and laying around.
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You have no energy because you don't do anything. THAT is the problem. Join a gym and start getting some regular, serious, exercise. Otherwise, you'll be old before your time...trust me.
