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My husband and I have been married for 6 years and are in our early 30's. We don't have any kids yet. But I find myself thinking about the fact that I've grown so used to the DINK lifestyle, that I find it hard to imagine myself as a parent. When I read the Facebook status updates of some of my friends, they often discuss how exhausted from the kids they are--their posts just sound weary. I've grown accustomed to things like being able to do what I want when I want, going out for dinner with my hubby whenever we want, sleeping late on the weekends, spending a whole night laying on the couch with a good book, etc. In addition, I feel that I really don't have the energy necessary to be a parent. I don't know how people work and parent and take care of the house. I am unable to keep on top of the household chores with just the two of us, because I feel that I just don't have enough energy to get the chores done. Most days we feel so tired that we eat take-out every night b/c we're too tired to cook or grocery shop.
I feel that having a family is important to me, but I don't feel that I am capable of the day-to-day work required in parenting.
My husband is very ready to become a father and feels he is ready to take on parenting tasks, even though he works 70 hours per week and is never home.
But who is forcing you to have kids? Or just because "you are supposed to"? I think people have kids when having them becomes more important than things, travel and dinners. And those weary posts on FB could be just like from anyone who is looking for support, - even if people have their dream job, they may be complaining about being tired, or when they are traveling through Tibet, their dream destination, they may be complaining of rainy weather, etc.
My husband is very ready to become a father and feels he is ready to take on parenting tasks, even though he works 70 hours per week and is never home.
Not to be rude but how is your husband going to be a father/parent if he's never home?
Not to be rude but how is your husband going to be a father/parent if he's never home?
It's just the nature of his job that he has to work approx. 70 hours per week. It's not going to change. However, nearly everyone in his office has kids, and they work the same hours he does. I don't know how they do it--I think a lot of them must have nannies.
Hmmm, you know, before I had my son I thought that I COULD imagine what it's like to be a parent, but it turned out that I really couldn't and didn't. So, in the grand scheme of things, the fact that you can't imagine having kids doesn't really mean anything.
Becoming a parent is a big step and a consious decision. There is a reason why your friends post how exhausted they are. I used to do that too. However, now that my son is 5, he is the greatest kid and he brings me such an enormous amount of joy that it makes all those sleepless nights worthwile.
Being a parent is not for everyone. The fact that your husband works so much will only mean that you won't get much help from him. It will be you and only you getting up at night, changing diapers, feeding, etc... For good 6 months after birth you are not yourself, you don't belong to yourself. Everything becomes about the baby.
But I also want to tell you that who knows, you may have a very easy-going, joyful, calm child that will not give you much trouble.
Most people can't imagine what it's like to give up the freedom. You are not alone. And don't feel pressured to have kids either.
I get the feeling that perhaps kids are something you think you should have as opposed to something you really, genuinely want. Clearly, your DH will not be available to help leaving the full care of these future kids on you... or a nanny. If you are going to leave them with a nanny, why bother having them at all?
Not judging you, but just something to think about.
I know a couple of women who had a kid because they felt they were supposed to. They have been miserable ever since. And trust me, kids pick up on this stuff. People tried to pressure me into it when I first got married, but there was absolutely no way it was going to happen in my lifetime. I am not mommy material, and I like the freedom that DH & I have to do and go as we please.
I always admired the older moms who had kids in their late 30's/early 40's. However, I am in my early 30's and I feel like I barely have enough energy to take care of my own stuff, let alone take care of a child.
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