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Old 06-03-2010, 09:39 AM
 
Location: Montana
25 posts, read 93,835 times
Reputation: 28

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K, thank you for all the great feedback.
Im NOT a boy! I love being a girl!!! I am a fairly 'girly girl'. I always have on makeup (even if just going to the gas station), i have my hair done, its hilighted and fixed up, i try to wear feminine clothing when appropriate. I take a great deal of pride in taking care of myself and representing the female gender in my male dominated trade and activitys!! I CANT STAND the stereo-type that women that do these things are "manley" or bull dikes. I brign female to all i do!
I have both male AND female friends. The problem is, my female friends are all married and have familys. We generaly dont "hang out" like my guy friends and i do. I deffinatley dont talk about them (the boys) all the time tho! I would hate if my partner did that to me! Would make me feel inadequite.
I am not interested in dating my guy friends. Because, they are friends. I have had all of them at one point or another hit on me or ask me "out" on a date or a more formal after play activity. ??? There idea of this was goin to have a beer at the bar and BBQ'n . NOT my idea of a 'date'. I did try dating one of them once, no good. couldnt get past the "friend" feeling, even if we were sleeping together. They are all just to imature! Dating a woman then complaining about her to your friends! Come on boyz! Go home and talk to her about your gripe! SERIOUSLY!
Besides, i dont want to break up our tight group of friends if it didnt work out! Cus lets face it... i would be the first to get fased out. After all, im the girl in a boys club. Sure, we'd all still be friends, but it wouldnt be the same! No matter how many years together.
Im fairly straight forward and vary honest, just kinda shy about relationship stuff. Have had long talks with friends about what i want, but just cant seem to make it happen. I KNOW what i want and realy dont wana settle for a whole lot less! I understand being flexible and taking on there baggage and issues cus im sure i'v got some too.
I was in a LTR up till about 3 yrs ago and now i just cant figure out the 'dating' thing. Most the men I date like me more than i like them.
I also dont think im attractive and 220 lbs. im 5'7, 135-145 lb (depending on time of year and month). Not that it realy matters in the delema im having anyway! Even if i was an oger, id still want to know how to be with a man and not turn into one of the boys!

Last edited by NICKYP406; 06-03-2010 at 09:52 AM..
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Old 06-03-2010, 09:57 AM
 
2,618 posts, read 6,154,138 times
Reputation: 2119
Quote:
Originally Posted by NICKYP406 View Post
I am a 29 year old female that is outgoing, funny, easy to hang out with and get along with, down to earth, low drama, active and attractive, but not high maintenance Most of my friends, not all, tend to be guys for one reason or another. Iam wanting to meet men to date and am running into a few issues.
1)Where? Obviously bars arnt the ticket, 80% of the intrnet stuff never realy works into much, and work just doesnt feel appropriate.
2) My guy friends. When ever hanging out anywhere or doing anything, most men will hardley talk to me because they assume 1 of them is my boyfriend, even when told by both myself and the friend that thats all we are, friends.
3) finaly, after we have tackeld the other hurdles (which has only happend 2-3 times), for one reason or another..... after a bit of hanging out, we end in the friend zone. Im not sure if i am not making myself clear about wanting a steady relationship, if im just too much like 'one of the boys', if im making it to easy to just "hang out" and be friend as opposed to a real relationship, or if im looking at the wrong kind of men.... i just dont get it.
I relate well to guys, we get along great! We have lots of common intrests, there friends and parents love me... so on and so forth.
I have noticed tho, alot of the activitys that i participate in with my gentelman friends such as paintballing, kayaking, climbing, dirty biking, hiking, camping... there girlfrnds don do with us.
Am i possibly hindering a potential relationship due to being too much like "one of the guys"?
Cus seriously! ALL my male friends date women that would NEVER do these activitys with them. They love hanging out! But then go home to ( THESE ARE THERE WORDS! NOT MINE) "crazy" jelouse, pamperd women that they complain about all the time! WTH?!?!?
Hey Nicky,

You seem really cool, but I'll try to help from my personal experience.

1. Bars definitely aren't a good place to look. What do you like to do for fun? Try joining a new team or social club/hobbies group or whatever you're interested in. It sounds like you just need to expand your social horizons. Keep expanding your net.

As for the online dating. It's to the female's advantage. 80% of the people probably aren't compatible online, but are 80% of the people in real life compatible? Use it to your advantage, be selective, determine the type of guy you're looking for, and then look for him online and just try to go on dates without any serious expectations. Think of it as just meeting new people and seeing what happens. Give it a year or two for a REAL chance. Trying for only a couple weeks or a month is not giving it a fair shot.

2. Guys will definitely be discouraged from approaching you if you're always around other guys. They could think one is your boyfriend, and guys (though not as bad as girls get) can be territorial with their "women friends" and give off a negative aura to guys who approach their women friends around them. It's not an idea situation for a genuinely nice guy to put himself in when the odds are that he'll be turned down anyway (just talking numbers here).

Try hanging out with more girls. When you're out with other girls, don't trap yourself in their "standing circle". Go up to the bar by yourself. Say hi to people you make eye contact with. It goes a long way if you just make your situation easier for someone to approach you in.

3. By making it clear what you're want, you have to make yourself less "available". If a guy you like wants to hang out, try to go do something fun together JUST THE TWO OF YOU. It may not be labeled a date, but it may end up feeling like a date at some point if you both have a connection. Don't just agree to have beers with him and his buddies. If he wants to see you, he has to put in one on one time. Then make him chase you a little. Let him call YOU if he wants to see you again. Don't text him unless he texts you first. Sounds like a game, but you just need to set the tone a little differently this early in the process.'

Hope I was able to help. I wish you luck, as I wish I met more women like you.
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Old 06-03-2010, 10:50 AM
 
1,561 posts, read 2,201,659 times
Reputation: 2132
Quote:
Originally Posted by NICKYP406 View Post
K, thank you for all the great feedback.
Im NOT a boy! I love being a girl!!! I am a fairly 'girly girl'. I always have on makeup (even if just going to the gas station), i have my hair done, its hilighted and fixed up, i try to wear feminine clothing when appropriate. I take a great deal of pride in taking care of myself and representing the female gender in my male dominated trade and activitys!! I CANT STAND the stereo-type that women that do these things are "manley" or bull dikes. I brign female to all i do!
I have both male AND female friends. The problem is, my female friends are all married and have familys. We generaly dont "hang out" like my guy friends and i do. I deffinatley dont talk about them (the boys) all the time tho! I would hate if my partner did that to me! Would make me feel inadequite.
I am not interested in dating my guy friends. Because, they are friends. I have had all of them at one point or another hit on me or ask me "out" on a date or a more formal after play activity. ??? There idea of this was goin to have a beer at the bar and BBQ'n . NOT my idea of a 'date'. I did try dating one of them once, no good. couldnt get past the "friend" feeling, even if we were sleeping together. They are all just to imature! Dating a woman then complaining about her to your friends! Come on boyz! Go home and talk to her about your gripe! SERIOUSLY!
Besides, i dont want to break up our tight group of friends if it didnt work out! Cus lets face it... i would be the first to get fased out. After all, im the girl in a boys club. Sure, we'd all still be friends, but it wouldnt be the same! No matter how many years together.
Im fairly straight forward and vary honest, just kinda shy about relationship stuff. Have had long talks with friends about what i want, but just cant seem to make it happen. I KNOW what i want and realy dont wana settle for a whole lot less! I understand being flexible and taking on there baggage and issues cus im sure i'v got some too.
I was in a LTR up till about 3 yrs ago and now i just cant figure out the 'dating' thing. Most the men I date like me more than i like them.
I also dont think im attractive and 220 lbs. im 5'7, 135-145 lb (depending on time of year and month). Not that it realy matters in the delema im having anyway! Even if i was an oger, id still want to know how to be with a man and not turn into one of the boys!
Seems you want to interact with these immature "guys" as a friend but you complain when they act like guys? Since you did have the chance to date them, sleep with them, as per your post, than there is no question the vibes you give off when being with them would turn a unattached guy away. Most good guys avoid poaching females.

Your last statement I bolded is something that you might need to work on. Either you pick the wrong guys or you avoid the guys that you might like in order to not feel out of control of your dates. Only you would know.
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Old 06-03-2010, 11:07 AM
 
Location: Hawaii
2,058 posts, read 3,298,832 times
Reputation: 1576
I'm a lot like you and would probably be screwed if I hadn't met my hubby in HS. The only advice I can give you is: don't change your core self and don't let this affect your self-esteem. Good luck
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Old 06-03-2010, 11:09 AM
 
5,019 posts, read 14,094,778 times
Reputation: 7091
Thanks for getting back to us.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NICKYP406 View Post
I have both male AND female friends. The problem is, my female friends are all married and have familys. We generaly dont "hang out" like my guy friends and i do.
You want to know what I would do? I'd sit down and sincerely ask one of those married female friends for her honest opinion about your situation.

You are getting some good advice here, but "we" can't know you like your real-life friends can.

I'd also let all of those married friends know that I was actively looking for a serious LTR. Often happily married folks want to see their single friends get paired-off as well. Who knows which one of them might have an attractive and available cousin/friend/co-worker??? It's worth a shot.

Good luck and best wishes.
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Old 06-03-2010, 11:17 AM
 
2,085 posts, read 2,465,407 times
Reputation: 877
Quote:
Originally Posted by NICKYP406 View Post
I am a 29 year old female that is outgoing, funny, easy to hang out with and get along with, down to earth, low drama, active and attractive, but not high maintenance Most of my friends, not all, tend to be guys for one reason or another. Iam wanting to meet men to date and am running into a few issues.
1)Where? Obviously bars arnt the ticket, 80% of the intrnet stuff never realy works into much, and work just doesnt feel appropriate.
2) My guy friends. When ever hanging out anywhere or doing anything, most men will hardley talk to me because they assume 1 of them is my boyfriend, even when told by both myself and the friend that thats all we are, friends.
3) finaly, after we have tackeld the other hurdles (which has only happend 2-3 times), for one reason or another..... after a bit of hanging out, we end in the friend zone. Im not sure if i am not making myself clear about wanting a steady relationship, if im just too much like 'one of the boys', if im making it to easy to just "hang out" and be friend as opposed to a real relationship, or if im looking at the wrong kind of men.... i just dont get it.
I relate well to guys, we get along great! We have lots of common intrests, there friends and parents love me... so on and so forth.
I have noticed tho, alot of the activitys that i participate in with my gentelman friends such as paintballing, kayaking, climbing, dirty biking, hiking, camping... there girlfrnds don do with us.
Am i possibly hindering a potential relationship due to being too much like "one of the guys"?
Cus seriously! ALL my male friends date women that would NEVER do these activitys with them. They love hanging out! But then go home to ( THESE ARE THERE WORDS! NOT MINE) "crazy" jelouse, pamperd women that they complain about all the time! WTH?!?!?
You just haven't found "the one" yet. I always had more guy friends than female friends, and I never had any problems dating guys outside my male group of friends. But for one reason or another, they never stuck. I did not find my group of male buddies were a deterant for guys wanting to date me. I am married now and have since moved away from all my male friends, but I think that you just haven't found that right guy for you yet. Patience, he'll come.
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Old 06-03-2010, 02:08 PM
 
Location: North America
1,089 posts, read 2,395,712 times
Reputation: 1099
Quote:
Originally Posted by NICKYP406 View Post
I am not interested in dating my guy friends.
Good news! I just found your problem. You turn down the guys who ask you out. Doesn't take a genius to figure out that will lead to zero relationships
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Old 06-03-2010, 03:15 PM
 
2,085 posts, read 2,465,407 times
Reputation: 877
Quote:
Originally Posted by cuinlalaland View Post
Good news! I just found your problem. You turn down the guys who ask you out. Doesn't take a genius to figure out that will lead to zero relationships
No. I know what she means. She doesn't feel THAT way for them. Once that guy that is right for you steps into her life, she'll know.
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Old 06-03-2010, 04:05 PM
 
Location: Montana
25 posts, read 93,835 times
Reputation: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Waianaegirl View Post
No. I know what she means. She doesn't feel THAT way for them. Once that guy that is right for you steps into her life, she'll know.
THANK YOU! I love my guy friends! i just dont want to date them! (for numerous reasons)
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Old 06-03-2010, 05:09 PM
 
Location: North America
1,089 posts, read 2,395,712 times
Reputation: 1099
Quote:
Originally Posted by Waianaegirl View Post
No. I know what she means. She doesn't feel THAT way for them. Once that guy that is right for you steps into her life, she'll know.
She already said that the guys she's gone out with have all "turned into" just friends despite her best efforts to the contrary. So if she a) refuses to date a friend, and b) turns all prospects into friends, then she will never get together with anyone. Simple.
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